It’s incredible the difference one day can make. Only yesterday, I felt directionless…stuck, and bland. Since then, I’ve cleaned my place up, and have cut my sugar consumption down by 90%, and even took my Sigma 21-35 (film) lens out for a spin, which is what I’ve been wanting to do for weeks.
Yesterday I felt like deep-fried death: today, I feel like twice-baked LIFE. 🙂 Yes, that’s cheesy, I know. But I’m cheesy when I’m happy. So now that I’ve shifted my perspective and have adjusted my “life lens”, I can see just how bent out of shape I am. My BMI is through the roof- it’s grotesque. I’m officially overweight. 😦
I’ve created a document folder called “Operation 55” because I’m going to lose 55 lbs. I’m currently right at 180 lbs. That’s whale territory in my book. (If anybody reads that and finds it offensive, keep in mind I’m referring to myself and nobody else. If you’re STILL offended after reading that, you may have some bigger issues going on that insecurity. 😉 )
Within my special document folder, I have subfolders which are titled “Goals” and “Info”. I’m categorizing and documenting everything. I’m being just as anal regarding losing weight as I am concerning my school work- when I’m doing the student thing, that is. This is only day 1, but I’m already making strides towards major change. I’m practicing what we call (in psychology) “contingency contracting”, which is an impressive way of saying, “I’m telling somebody about my plans so I can be held accountable.”
So…I’m adding a time-ticker/counter, which will count down the days of my weight loss journey. I’m giving myself 6 months. No crash diets here. The healthy and realistic amount of expected weight loss per week is right at 2 lbs, or 8- 10 lbs per month.. Anything faster than that will most likely not stay off and will end up being put right back on.
I think losing 55 lbs. in 6 months is a fair trade and an obtainable goal. My intentions are not to merely “lose weight”. If that’s all I was trying to achieve, it’d be pointless. I’m going after a complete lifestyle change instead. For example, today I traded a slice of cherry cheesecake (which I didn’t eat) for 1 large piece of raw ginger, 1 large (raw) garlic clove, 1 large piece of turmeric, 1 large bunch of fresh parsley (chopped up) + 1 bottle of lemon water (which I did eat). I’m trading an unhealthy behavior for a healthy, positive one. And I’ll try to make 3 (ish) new trades per week. As long as I’m moving forward in my body and mind, then I’m on the right track and will see incredible results.
I’m excited. I’m driven. And I’m encouraged.
I’m hopeful and I know I can do this. 🙂
It’s been so long since I’ve been into my (almost) daily groove of writing. Usually, I’m in a end-of-year funk that lasts until February, roughly. It doesn’t have anything to do with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) because I love rain, snow, the cold, and bleak days. But usually, it begins to creep in just before Thanksgiving and lasts into the New Year and every year I’m just so glad when it’s all over. (I know I’m not alone in how I feel.)
I really thought that I’d be loving my time away from school, but the truth is, I love the pressure cooker! I love the grind and the deadlines and the small goals that I check off to feel like I’m accomplishing stuff. Lately, I’ve barely taken any pics or have done anything significant or worthwhile, and I’ve been extremely depressed. I’ve taken my anger out on Josh and that’s just not o.k. God knows I’ve had/studied enough psychology to know how to fix things, and so I’ve taken out my camera, and have decided to practice my “Photo Therapy”, once again.
Usually, when I’m depressed (which isn’t often), it’s because I’ve been looking through a twisted perspective. Anger or sorrow bends the truth in matters and leaves me with a shattered view of how things truly are. But they’re not really like that. It’s just my damaged filter. And so, I know that I need to change my perspective- both emotionally and literally. First, I like to change up my environment. If the house is semi-trashed; I’ll go on a cleaning spree and do some deep-cleaning and disinfecting, etc. I like things super clean, but I don’t have any problem with allowing things be a bit “lived in” too.
After that, I break out my gear (camera, multiple lenses, etc.) and try to learn something new regarding photography. I’m aching to get back to my roots: black and white; and I’m tempted to put my camera in my monochrome setting and leave it there for an entire year. This is something that I’ve wanted to do for the longest time- but I always back out of it after a few weeks. I always tell myself that I’ll rob myself of hundreds of beautiful colored shots and wimp out. But I know that unless I stick to it, I’m never going to grow as a black and white photographer! So, I’m going to do my very best to do just that: throw my camera into monochrome- and leave it there for a whole year (starting yesterday). Not everybody sees everyday life in black and white (and is able to do that even without a camera), but I’m one of those people who can. Also, when you shoot in black and white, you’re not basing your shot on colour and colour schemes, you’re basing it on tones, lines, textures, and lighting. It changes everything.
I picked up an old Sigma 21-35 film lens that I’ve been itching to take for a spin. maybe I’ll do that this week. Josh and I had a bit of Pecan Pie moonshine last night and went for a late night trip to the waterfront down at the Ohio River.
Sigma 21-35/handheld/ISO 1600/1/25 sh. sp.
The shot would have been SO much better with a tripod, and perhaps a few shots less of moonshine, alas, for handheld using a a tank of a lens; it’s perhaps not too shabby.
Regarding my health, I’m happy to report that I’m no longer a migraine sufferer. I no longer get migraines- at all. Not even that rare once-a-month one. I’ve just begun to experience the beginning stages of perimenopause (which is a bucket of fun, let me tell you), and I suspect that that too is contributing to my depression, but perhaps it’s contributing to y lack of migraines as well, and that’s a trade I’m willing to make.
No matter what, when I do begin to experience depression, I know what to do to change things. So, today I’ll clean the house and prepare to go on a photoshoot in the rain with my camera’s new rain coat. 🙂 Although I really don’t have much to say, I’m a firm believer in journaling, and even if I’m just farting around and writing about my toenails, I’m still writing; and that helps too.