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Archive for October, 2012

Dreams and their Interpretations

It’s not hard interpreting dreams. I used to want to know how to do this. I would ask my Dad as a young girl, and he would smile.

“We’ll, let me hear your dream,” he’d say.

“Alright. I was going to check the mail. I opened the mailbox and as I stuck my hand in the box, a black cat screamed at me. It clawed at me and hissed, and tried to attack me,” I said.

“You have a murmuring and complaining spirit,” he would say. “Start giving thanks more.”

Wisdom cannot be bought- not with all the money in the world.
And interpreting dreams is a gift- not just anyone can do it.

I only began to interpret them after reading more and more of the Bible. It opened up my mind, completely, and sharpened my discernment. Now, when I review a dream, the meaning fills my mind immediately. It’s not anything I have to think about.

Last night, I dreamed that I had a visit from a childhood friend. She was my best friend when I was a teenager. In my dream, her legs had been mutilated just above the knee on her left leg, and just below the knee on her right. She had crutches. Also, she had black stubble coming out of her face, like a beard that she had shaved. She’s a blonde, so this was particularly odd.

In my dream, we were in a small room by the highway. A truck came roaring by, and my friend began screaming and yelling at me out of fear, as the truck grew closer, trying to kick me. Of course, she couldn’t.

In real life, she and I haven’t seen each other in over a decade.
I understood the dream immediately.

Her legs represented her Christian walk with God. The mutilation represents her struggles over the years. Because her wounds had long since scarred over, the injuries are indicative of her childhood. The stubble represents “foreign” relationships, for two reasons:

1.) the colour
2.) it’s not something that naturally occurs
(a beard on a woman)

The fact that it’s new stubble, means that it’s very recent.
Because it’s dark, male hair coming from a female chin speaks of her possible homosexual tendencies. If I were to make a bet, it’d be a safe bet assuming that she has recently taken interest in women. (Or something along those lines.)

Because she was afraid of the truck, which was zipping by, and she tried to attack me, meant that she blamed me for some of her childhood mishaps.

Interesting dream.

Another dream I had was on a patch of land, that had many hotel rooms. Each room held a prostitute- they were gaudy, wearing tacky silver dresses. The rooms were small. I had knocked on a door, because I had lost my room. I was trying to find it. My room- was clean, with nice furniture and a fireplace- very private.

I was let in to a room that I was unfamiliar with. A prostitute was trying to coax me in there. She held a small, white animal, like a little pet dog. I looked through her window and saw, over the courtyard, my room! The door was open and I could see into it. I ran fast to get down to my room, and to safety.

Another interesting dream. 🙂

The patch of land represents my heart. All of the rooms; various rooms in my heart. Notice a whore lived in each room. This does not mean that I am secretly a prostitute! But make no mistake, a whore lives in every human heart. Consider it.

What’s the first thing that happens when we see something we want, badly, that we don’t have?
We lust after it.

Yes, I’ve grown accustomed long ago to the fact that in every human heart, there indeed lives a whore.

In my dream, I was able to see the various channels and avenues of lust that I need to work on.
No matter if it’s better hair, higher grades, a skinnier waist, just this THING inside of each person that screams out, “Me! Me! Me!” That is the little whore inside.

It always wants recognition. Praise. Attention. Satisfaction.

As a Christian, I know that it is my job to willingly crucify that beast.
Daily. To take it to the cross, and lay it down.

What is it that Paul said?

“I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.”

1st Corinthians 15:31

Where I Belong

Yesterday, an amazing thing happened as I was driving.

I was thinking about all of the catastrophic things I’ve been through lately, and recalled a discussion that Brianna and I had had about God. I thought about God’s love and Who He Is as the creator of the world. I began to talk to Him, simply acknowledging Him! I thanked Him for His great love and for always watching out for me.

A warmth filled my heart, and I felt God surrounding me, completely. I could feel Jesus’ Love, filling my heart up. It felt as if the entire car grew warmer and I was swimming in love. I thought- at that very moment- that this was where I belonged, always. And that feeling is better than anything a person can say or do, and it’s better than anything money can buy- better than any drug. That feeling was what it’s like to truly be in God’s presence: in His presence, there’s an absence of hatred. Hateful things can’t abide in such truth and light.

I don’t ever want to forget these things…



My self portraits over the past few years.


Today is pretty rough. My monster Nutrition assignment is overdue (it’s about 10 pages long, or, supposed to be) and it’s been relatively difficult for me to stay on top of my work. My focus has been seriously lacking since this car accident.

I’ve been playing this game called “Overclocked”. Intriguing. (I’ve been an avid adventure gamer for 20 + years.)

The protagonist is a specializing psychologist who has been assigned to a grungy Staten Island mental hospital. He’s simultaneously working on 5 inmates’ cases. They’re all catatonic with amnesia. As he uses hypnosis and various other techniques, he’s able to trigger a sequence of flashbacks in the patients- one at a time. You’re then able to play the role of the patient- pre- breakdown. With each new flashback that the patient experiences, they begin further back in their lives, so it’s as if you’re walking backwards through their lives- further- each time, only in reverse. It’s pretty darn cool.

It’s rainy throughout the game, and the mood is appropriately somber.
It’s highly entertaining though, especially for a sociology and psychology student. 🙂

Headstone Optional


I saw the coolest old cemetery down the road from the abandoned water pump house. 




Cap’n John Blizzard. Matter of fact, the cemetery was full of “Blizzards”. The surrounding fence was made of piled, slabs of rocks- very cool. Many of the graves were unmarked. Sad.


It’s 10:27 a.m. and I’m getting ready to head out for my mile walk. Walking cleanses the blood. I feel much better the following day that I walk. Josh and I awoke super early today and played Bible Jeopardy. 

Who knew you could get so mad playing a Bible game?! 
I think some of the questions were written by a kid, judging by the prevalent misspellings. 

Numa got beat up. She came in the other day and her face was scratched up- her nose bleeding. She had a small patch of hair missing on her front left arm. She’s out rolling around on the deck. She wants to come in, but Car the cat is constantly trying to romance her. She’s not having any of it. At least her awful eye infection is gone.

Beef. It’s what’s for Dinner.

It’s been a crazy day.

Josh and I slept in. (Or thought we would.)

The sister-in-law called with the reminder that she had my $100 that she owed me.
She also reminded me that she dropped it off with someone else and I would need to retrieve it. Nice.
After having our coffee, we left, and made our rounds around town.

We got some gas then were off to pay a bill on the west side of town. From there, we split to the GFS Foodstore to pick up some (very, very good) beef ribs:


From there, we were off to the park to pound out a mile (right at 15 minutes). Naturally, my head felt like raw heck when I woke up but pushed through the day regardless. What choice do I have?

Following the mile at the park, we hit up the Dollar Tree for T.P., paper towels, shampoo and such. We also found these nifty health pills that are loaded with Gotu Kola, Ginko, Acai berry and green tea extract. (Some of my favourite things.) We grabbed several packs along with some 5 minute Vitamin B12 power shooters and downed them in the car, along with some of the herbal pills. Afterwards, we were off to the Family Dollar where I repaid a debt I owed.

“Excuse me,” I said to the cashier. “I owe your partner, the elderly woman who’s in pain all the time, 3 cents. I’ve decided to pay 5 because she let me slide the other day.”

And with that, I gave the cashier five pennies, and with a quick smile, I left.

(My daughter, Brianna, brought to my attention the other day that I needed to go out and do a random act of kindness. I’m thinking that may qualify to some degree? Perhaps I’m a cheapskate.)

After letting several people cut in front of me  on a busy street (and making an old man smile), we ran back to the Dollar Tree, picked up some BBQ sauce…after popping into Sav-A-Lot for some milk and butter (the latter of which I have renamed “Better than Sex”- but not really) and then returned home.

Ignoring the nagging pain in my head, I stepped out onto my back deck and decided to spruce it up a bit.

The before pic:


And after:


I’ve got these interesting little seed thingies falling from the tree. They look like birdseed. Not sure what they are:


It’s almost 7 and I’m acutely aware more and more that I’m making it particularly easy for a stalker to keep up with me. (I’m quite sure at this point that Mr. Broihier is following my every move. And to that I say, “Mr. Broihier, you indeed still suck, sir!”)

I had plans of sipping a frozen margarita on the deck with Marlene Dietrich’s bio, but no…no… I’m off to slow cook the ribs and catch up on Wheel of Fortune.

Another day gone…


I received this message at one of my photo sites I hang out at:

Hello Birgitta,
I stumbled across your profile – and what a great find. I was first quite impressed with your photography, but after looking more thoroughly, I have found that you have included a lot of “Christian Imagery” I would imagine this to be the case because you are indeed a Believer/Christian yourself. My wife and I are also believers and I was just thinking yesterday – how can I use photography to glorify God, to be a witness. I believe you have done that on some level in your photography, including Bibles, Scripture Passages, Crosses etc. Thank you for sharing your faith regardless of the outcome…. I’m encouraged.
PS. Keep Shooting for God, for Art, for Creativity

Romans 1:16


And my reply to him was:
Hi Caleb! So sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. First of all, thanks so much for dropping me a line. 🙂 I appreciate you taking the time to do that. Secondly, thanks for letting me know that my photography has inspired you, particularly, where God and the Scriptures are concerned. No matter what I’m shooting, or when or how, I have this tugging at my heart for mankind- I have a little secret that I want to share, ya know? We know the truth- as believers, we’re so blessed with a bountiful banquet before us. Spiritually, we’re like Kings! When I look out at the dying world- it breaks my heart, truly. So many people though, have built walls so high. They won’t hear a drop of the truth about Jesus- they reject Him- just as He said they would. This is where “art” comes in. 🙂 We already share a common bond with unbelievers and many athiests in the art world- we all like to create and express ourselves. my work tends to have a dark undertone to it- it’s edgy. This isn’t intentional. I’m forever bound in my heart to the Crucified Christ- and His agony at Calvary. Ya know? It’s not like we’re “just passing through” that pain and death, and then we’re riding on a glory cloud every day. No- like Paul said, “I die daily”. We need to be nailed to the Cross every day, and crucify our own flesh. Well, this kind of seeps out in my work. But the bright side, is that it attracts people who are into dark things, and strangely enough, many athiests. They’re attracted to the gritty side of things. So when they see my work, it speaks to them. When they see the Scriptures- they more readily receive the Word because they feel a connection. I’m able to use my art to minister to people who don’t know God. I’m always mindful of this! I want to “tell stories” with my photography. I always ask myself: “Why am I doing this?” “What are my motives right now?” “What message am I sharing here?” And so on. I want to encourage you and your wife to do the same things. I’ve been able to reach many hungry hearts over the past 10 years or so. I think of this Scripture always: “Let your light so shine before men, so they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matt: 5:13 &16) And also this one: Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men.” These are the two Scriptures that drive me in my work. Sure, I upload lots of trivial photos too, but I’m careful to integrate “messages” in the mix. I want it to means something, and ultimately, touch peoples’ hearts. Thanks again so much for writing me, and I’ll pop in later and check out some of your work. I’m a full-time behavioral Sciences major also working on my Substance Abuse certification- almost no time right now, as you know how that goes. I wish you all the best! And take good care of yourself. -B
I later discovered that he and his wife are living in Korea and are English teachers.
I would absolutely love to be in Korea with a Lensbaby!
I received an anonymous email also the other day from “Mel”:
The song you wrote is so beautiful (“Hallelujah”) – the lyrics and the singing are so heartfelt….
Can you send me a link to the song so that I can download it?

God bless

It’s a good feeling knowing that I inspire people here and there, and not “me” per se, but the message I carry with me. I’m driven by it continually, and it’s my driving force in life. I think about it every day of my life, and my persistent question that I ask myself is, “What are you doing for others in your life?”
If I have a hard time answering that question, something is seriously wrong.
I not only enjoy doing good things for others- I’m compelled to.


I was on my way to the abandoned water house pump earlier today when my sister-in-law called me asking if I could watch my niece. Naturally, I complied. My niece is a natural artist and very, very intelligent. She has one green eye and one blue eye and she knows she’s unique.

“Where are we going Aunt Birgy?”

“To the park,” I said.

When we arrived at the abandoned water pump house, she said, “This isn’t the park!”

“Yes it is,” I said. “A park to you has swings and stuff because you’re a kid. A park to me has abandoned buildings because I’m a grown up.”

She wasn’t buying it. But I threw a face mask on her and she went right to work squeezing berries for ink, and, using a stick, set out to properly leave her mark on the world.


Josh had painted a cross by the window, and my niece had painted “When you see the sign” underneath it. Interesting group. 🙂

I donned the face mask as well this time because…well…nobody really wants to breathe in asbestos, do they?


I dunno. There’s something about walking on broken glass and dodging rusty nails that soothes me- and I’m not just saying that- it really does.

I saw Josh standing in the doorway- his shadow caught my eye. I like the broken glass by the thresh hold.Image

Beyond the house and up the stairs is a neat little walkway that holds many old, rusty valves. They looked like wheels coming up out of the concrete. Very cool place. Josh and my niece took the opportunity to play on them. It was a candid shot. I like it very much.


After we returned, I washed the dishes and through together an epic meal.

Country fried pork chops
(Spices: turmeric/chile and garlic/sea salt and various other goodies)

Steamed cabbage
Homemade mashed potatoes
Glazed carrots (fresh, always)
Cornbread (which included diced serrano chiles, onions, yellow corn, and shredded cheddar)
and, a homemade apple pie

It’s 1:00 a.m. and I can finally collapse.

Photo Therapy [part 2]

Things are incredibly stressful for me today. Right off the bat, I had to be at a business meeting first thing in the morning. I have an egotistical flea (who happens to be the owner of an art website) biting my &^% to appease his ego. I’ve never known anyone so full of him or herself, honestly. The guy blasted me publicly- which is defamation- and you better believe I’m gonna blast back. I don’t take slaps lightly.

When I reach a breaking point, and I just want to hang everything up- shut my door- and “retire from everything”, I go take pictures.

It gives me a great sense of control to be able to compose my environment; even master the very lighting around me.
I think every person wants to feel in control of his or her own life, down to their very eternal destination- if one believes in such.
To be able to “design my surroundings” by manually adjusting the controls- it’s far more rewarding than simply “pointing and shooting”.
I would have little joy as a photographer if I merely pointed and shot. Manually adjusting my exposure in-camera is an integral part of the bonding process with my equipment.
For me, it’s a must.

My head feels blasted in about five areas.
Pain everywhere.

Nevertheless, I can’t simply sit around the house in pain and be pissed off.
So, I’m going to go out and take pictures.
Of what, I haven’t a clue.

I know of an online photo challenge and the theme is colour.
Perhaps I’ll go out and induct a spash of colour into my day…


Soluble This and That

User  B. Lindsey
Course  (D01fall12) Fundamentals of Nutrition
Test  Ch. 10 Water Soluble Vitamins
Started  10/21/12 4:41 PM
Submitted  10/21/12 4:58 PM
Status  Completed
Score  14 out of 15 points
Time Elapsed  16 minutes out of 20 minutes


That’s what I’m talking about!


Monster Assignment

Wow. Where to start. I am attempting to pull off a monster assignment in my Nutrition class.
I should clarify that this class is actually “food chemistry”. I study proteins, fats, and carbs on a molecular level. (Take for example “C6H12O6” which I lovingly call “CHO”.)

It simply means: carbon with 6 bonds, hydrogen with 12 bonds, and oxygen with 6 also. It’s pretty much your standard carbohydrate molecule.
I went into this class thinking I would learn how to “count calories” not dissect a meal plan on an atomic level.

Here’s my assignment that is due by the 26th, which is only a few days away: 





FACS 206 Fundamentals of Nutrition

Three-Day Diet Analysis


 1) Copy the forms needed for this assignment.  You will need three copies of Form #1, one copy each form #2,  #3, #4, and the direction sheet.  All forms are available on Blackboard.

2)  Record your diet for three days using one form #1 for each day (if needed, use more than one form for each day).  Choose three consecutive days which are typical for you.  At least one-weekend day is required.   Do not change your usual patterns for this assignment!  Make sure you include the AMOUNTS of each food consumed.

 3)  Look up each food item in appendix H of your text.  Record nutrient values for each food.  Remember to adjust values for the portions you actually consumed.    Avoid using the tables that have many blank values to achieve the most accurate results. (The fast food tables have missing data.)    Record the code# and page number where you located each food as directed on the form.

 4)  Foods not found in the Appendix can be estimated using a similar food or by using the text on reserve in the Academic Skills Center:  Bowes and Church’s Food Values of Portions Commonly Used.   Also, food labels may be used as long as raw numbers and NOT percentage values are used. See your instructor on how to convert food label percentage values to raw numbers. You must turn in any food labels that you use for this purpose.  Make sure you indicate the source of your data.

 5)  Complete form #2 to find the average daily intake values.

 6)  Complete form #3 to compare your average diet to the RDIs for you.  The RDI values can be found on the inside front cover of your text.

 7)  Complete form #4 to calculate the percentage of kcalories from protein, fat, and carbohydrate.

 8)  Answer the questions on the attached page using word processing and complete sentences.  Include both the questions and answers.  You should have at least two full pages of discussion (not including the questions) for this part of the assignment.    40 points possible.  Your discussion should show your knowledge of nutrition.  Save this portion of the assignment as a WORD document.  (Do not change it to a pdf file.)

 Diet Analysis Questions:  (40 possible points) 

 a)  How does your overall diet compare to the Daily Food Guide for you.  Make sure you turn in a copy of your individualized Food Guide as found on the “Choose My Plate” website: .  Give a complete discussion of each food group, the number of servings recommended for you and the number of average servings you received per day.  How could your diet be improved to meet these standards?  Discuss completely and be specific.

 b) Does your diet provide the correct energy level (kcalories) to provide for your needs and maintain (or achieve) a healthy body weight?  Indicate your current height/weight and your ideal &/or desired weight.    Discuss your activity level and exercise habits along with your kcalorie intake and possible changes that could be made to improve your body weight, if necessary.

 c)  How does your diet compare to the Dietary Guidelines for fat consumption?  (20-35% of the diet from fat, no more than 10% of the calories from saturated fat, no more than 300 mg of cholesterol daily; limit trans fats).   Give specific ways your diet could have been better for these three days.

 d)  How does your diet compare to the Dietary Guidelines for fiber consumption?  (At least 25 grams of fiber and at least ½ of grains from whole grain sources.)   Give specific ways your diet can be improved to meet these criteria.  Or, if your diet met the recommendations, what foods helped you achieve this?

 e)  Look at your RDI percentage met for protein, vitamins and minerals.  Which nutrients fell below the standard of 100%?  List each of these nutrients and foods that could be included to help you meet the RDI for each nutrient.  Be specific in your recommendations. 

 f)  Which nutrients (protein, vitamins, minerals) met the RDI recommendations?  What foods were major contributors for each nutrient? Discuss nutrients separately.

 g) Overall, what do you think are the three most important improvements you should make to your diet?   Try to include SPECIFIC and REASONABLE goals for yourself.  Give specific approaches you can take to meet each goal.


            Goal #1:



            Goal #2:



            Goal #3:






This Nutrition class isn’t even part of my major.
My mother has had serious nutritional issues lately and has lost her appetite. I’m doing this for her.

Several nights this past week I’ve delivered home cooked meals to her, which I love to do.

The Menu?

Fried Chicken
Steamed cabbage with sea salt, fresh cracked black pepper and real butter
Sliced tomatoes
Green onions
Steamed summer squash and zuccinni
Homemade mac-n-cheese


It’s pretty normal for me to cook like this- even on a busy night.
I love feeding my loved ones. 🙂 I’ll whip up a big, home-cooked meal and then make my rounds, dropping off plates to everyone.

It makes me happy.

Just in…

Welp. It’s official.

I can still frikking smile!

I had my doubts for a moment there. But no. I tried it earlier and this is what happened:


In the past two weeks, I’ve been in a car accident, been to the hospital twice (had multiple cat scans and MRI’s), have suffered an insurmountable amount of pain, almost lost my place in school- had several possessions stolen from my house after being betrayed by a close relative, rescued my daughter from certain doom, faced a semi-eviction after being unable to finish moving (due to the car accident), and I can STILL pull off a hearty frikking smile. That’s right.

I’ve decided to hang on to my place in school- though battered- I’m going to put everything I have into my studies. It means too much to me to simply let it fall through my fingers. I have fought too hard for it. How I’ve been through all of this crap without being depressed is really quite amazing. I can honestly say that it’s only made me stronger.

Life is indeed what you make it.

My life is terrific.
And I’m happy.

The Light Show

I can’t explain my attraction to ugly things.
In my years of rubbing elbows with many professional photographers, somewhere along the way I grew tired of perfection. “Textbook”.

It bothers me that people starting out in photography are being told that their images need to be “crystal clear”. Digital noise is considered a big-time no no. As a matter of fact, if there is grain and noise in an image, it’s even considered amateurish. But I like to go against the grain. (Pah tah bomp!)

The majority of people I know keep their cameras in “P” mode (and no folks, that does not mean “professional”).  So few people shoot in manual any more!
People ask me questions about my images; they’re wanting to develop their own style. I tell them to break every rule they can.

Somewhere along the way, I fell out of love with “picture perfect” and decided to do my own thing.
I’m going to muck up my images with digital noise and a deliberate high ISO field.
Above all, I want to express mood.

For me, this means speaking with the light. (Exposure, ISO, and so on.)
Instead of “finding the light” in the frame, I study the shadows.
I begin with the darkened shadows and work the light into my photo (instead of the other way around).
Very film noir.

Such as my kitchen chair.
How do you make a kitchen chair tell a story?
How do you make it express a particular mood?

By finding the ugliness in a subject- I find its truth.
I loved the way the lighting was wrapping itself around the lines in this chair.
It makes me uncomfortable to look at this. It’s edgy. Dark. Somber.
Who would want to sit in that chair?!

But I find it terribly beautiful.
Try as I might, I can’t get away from this style.
It’s become who I am.

And I’m alright with it..

Shot in monochrome/ISO: 50/Manual exposure f/2
Sh. Sp.-1/20th sec.

Clouds without Rain

II Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to usward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

When I came into the room yesterday, I found that one of my flowers had died.

Today, I am feeling much better.
Things are still slightly chaotic, no. That’s wrong. Things are wonderful. I’m understanding more and more that I cannot control what others do. I cannot control a person’s degree of love or hatred. I do understand that I will be hated in this world without cause by some- my job is to not allow another person’s hatred to consume me, or even alter my feelings. I cannot control my surroundings, but I can certainly control my own emotions and choices. I can choose to forgive those that hate me, and also choose to never consort with them again. If I’m betrayed by a person, I have learned to move on and shut the door. I do not have to allow hatemongers in my life.  And I will not grieve for fools.

Numa has returned. She has an awful eye infection.
She has gone looking for her previous owner, to no avail, and understands that she is safe here.
She kissed my arm for the first time the other day. I know she’s grateful for a home.

My family has been devastated that one of our own has turned against us.
Our own flesh and blood.

My Mother has mourned the loss of her granddaughter, as if she has buried her- as we all have.

We have been devastated, but it has made us stronger and bonded us in love all the more.
It’s as if we have buried one of our own, but we will continue on. Life does go on.

I consider what Jesus said to somebody once, who wanted to follow Him, but wanted to bury his dead father first.
Jesus said to the man, “Let the dead bury the dead.”

And Jesus was referring to unbelievers.
They’re walking dead men- because they have no Truth and Life in them.

And so we have grieved.
And so we move on.



Numa has decided to run away.

Seems to run in the family.

Her wherabouts are unknown.
I set a very large bowl of food out for her.

I s’pose she’ll be alright- although it’s getting ready to storm.
Yeah- it’s getting ready to really come down.

Outta my hands..

Can’t keep someone or something down, after all.

I tried.

A Prayer for Vindication


The Psalms

A Prayer for Vindication
Shiggai’on of David, which he sang unto the LORD, concerning the words of Cush the Benjamite.
1 O LORD my God, in thee do I put my trust:

save me from all them that persecute me, and deliver me:
2 lest he tear my soul like a lion,

rending it in pieces, while there is none to deliver.
3 O LORD my God, if I have done this;

if there be iniquity in my hands;
4 if I have rewarded evil unto him that was at peace with me;

(yea, I have delivered him that without cause is mine enemy;)
5 let the enemy persecute my soul, and take it;

yea, let him tread down my life upon the earth,
and lay mine honor in the dust.

6 Arise, O LORD, in thine anger,

lift up thyself because of the rage of mine enemies:
and awake for me to the judgment that thou hast commanded.
7 So shall the congregation of the people compass thee about:

for their sakes therefore return thou on high.
8 The LORD shall judge the people:

judge me, O LORD, according to my righteousness,
and according to mine integrity that is in me.

9 Oh let the wickedness of the wicked come to an end;

but establish the just:
for the righteous God trieth the hearts and reins. Rev. 2.23
10 My defense isof God,

which saveth the upright in heart.
11 God judgeth the righteous,

and God is angry with the wicked every day.

12 If he turn not, he will whet his sword;

he hath bent his bow, and made it ready.
13  He hath also prepared for him the instruments of death;

he ordaineth his arrows against the persecutors.
14 Behold, he travaileth with iniquity,

and hath conceived mischief, and brought forth falsehood.
15  He made a pit, and digged it,

and is fallen into the ditch which he made.
16 His mischief shall return upon his own head,

and his violent dealing shall come down upon his own pate.

17 I will praise the LORD according to his righteousness:

and will sing praise to the name of the LORD most high.


He made a pit, and digged it,
And has fallen into the pit which he has made.

His mischief shall return upon his own head,
And his violent dealing shall come down upon his own pate. 


Today I am reminded that God has my back.
He not only Has me in the storm- he IS the storm.

He is my song. My refuge. My fortress and my strength.
And a very present help in times of trouble.

I can go out in the world today- here or there- knowing that He’s watching over me and that He’s got my back!
THAT is a good feeling.

All of these God-haters that are slagging on me?
Eh. They’re just fulfilling the Scriptures. Even the unbelievers are confirming that God’s word is true by their very hatred against it.

God is so awesome.
And yes, I am in great company.

Fire Walker

The reason I write songs to sing is for comfort. Over the years, there have been those- many- God-haters, if you will, that have laid so many snares and traps for me at every turn.

They think they will hurt me by doing so. Alas, what the devil uses for destruction, God uses for CONstruction.

It only sharpens up my testimony- and confirms that my God loves me.


He is my rock. My shield.
And my song in the night.


Song # 1

I believe

You tried to kill my spirit
You tried to take my soul
You tried to take me down into your
Neverending hole

You tried- to lessen me
You tried to get the best of me

But you can’t

No you can’t, ’cause I believe

Oh I believe in the Father
I believe in the Son
I believe that the battle
Has been Won

Oh I believe in the Father
I believe in the Son
You can’t…touch me
‘Cause I believe

Dropping Classes


I’m so disheartened. I haven’t had to drop a class in years. After the car accident, I’ve awaken every morning with a splitting headache- as if I have socks stuffed in my head completely; accompanied by nausea and a stiff neck, along with an aching back, shoulders and now I’m having unidentifiable pain shooting through my eyebrows and the bridge of my nose- that’s a first.

I feel like I’m 75 years old in my body. This is not good.
I can’t focus. I’m disoriented and find myself as if I’m in a daze. I want to do my Algebra but keep finding myself in a stupor, having to push, metally very hard, just to comprehend what the instructor is saying. This was not like this before the accident.

I have no idea what’s happened to me but I know that I didn’t receive the care I needed at Clark memorial Hospital. A cat scan won’t even pick up my cerebral cyst- it takes an MRI for that, and I didn’t receive a post-accident MRI. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still “unseen” regarding medical care.

I can’t believe the nurse actually gave the patient in a wheelchair a cigarette! He was threatening a doctor even!
In the grass, in the front of the hospital, there’s a sign that touts that the hospital is a “tobacco free campus”.


It grieves me that I’m going to have to drop my Algebra and Public Speaking classes. They’re simply too much for me at the moment- my head is a total wreck. 😦

I wanted to work on my songs too. A CD even perhaps, and, revise my children’s book “Peanut Butter Soup” and start doing school tours, like the one I did at Pine View in New Albany. The mayor and I took turns visiting classes and reading to the children.

Looks like everything is on hold for now until I know what is going on with my head and back.
I’m still having sharp pains shooting through my right ear too, only now, it’s joined by pains in my left ear.

Every day is a battle to simply “go through it”. This accident has really messed me up.

I’ll have to postpone my degree, but I’m still working toward it. I will stay in my Nutrition class, which isn’t too demanding, and my Substance Abuse Treatment Centers class as well. I was scheduled to intern at an actual treatment center beginning next semester. Looks like that will have to wait also.

Cheesecake and a Side of Whiplash



I was taking the kids out to the Cheesecake Factory over in Louisville when we were rear-ended by a short, bitter woman in the rain. She offered no apology, and tried to diminish the whole incident.

“Well, it’s just a tap,” she said, looking away from the freshly split bumper.

“I have a cyst on my brain stem,” I said. “This is not ‘Just a tap’ to me.”

It’s 3:27 a.m. and we all just got home. Brianna’s sleeping on the couch now. I haven’t been able to record my songs, or work on any photos lately. Algebra is frying my brain! I need a break so badly. Nevertheless, I have to push on.

In the ER, I was addressed by a man in a wheelchair. He was on his way to the dreaded 3rd floor (psych-ward). He’d gotten hooked on bathsalts and Lortabs- he was a mess; jittery and bouncy with decrepit looking eyes. He was rambling incessantly, at my feet- smacking the soles of my feet with his elbow, like we were old chums! He went on and on about how people he’d trusted had stabbed him in the back and messed up his whole life (and so on). I gave him a much-needed lecture on the power of forgiveness and why he needed to do it- regardless.

“You don’t have to hug them, or walk with them, or even talk to them again! Just do the work in your heart. Do it for you- and forgive yourself too. It’ll add years to your life and soften your heart. You need to do that,” I said to him.

“But you don’t understand!” He said. “I’m the laughing stock of my whole town now! They took away my business- my family turned their backs on me,” (Etc. etc.) “You don’t know what kind of hatred I have!”

“Sir,” I said, “20 years ago, the system took away my two little girls because of my evil x-mother-in-law. There were nights that I envisioned my hands around her neck choking the living daylights out of her. I hated her so much. My little girls never came home. I do know what kind of hatred you have. I understand.”

And with that, he lowered his eyes away from me and stared down at the floor. I knew that I had reached him.

“Think about what I’m saying to you. Take these words with you in your life- wherever you go. Contemplate them, and remember what I’m saying, ok? About forgiveness…”

The nurse came and rolled him away.

“Good luck, Sir,” I said.

After I sat there in silence, thinking about what we’d discussed, I realized exactly why I’m doing what I’m doing in school, and why I want so desperately to get my degree. Every report I write, and every Algebra problem I do- it’s another bandage on an old wound. As I told a nurse earlier this evening, “Education is my weapon.”

She actually thanked me for helping her on the floor as we were being discharged.

Interesting night.