photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

10,000 Hours

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Chance sits by the window every day, waiting and watching. He doesn’t know that Daddy isn’t coming back. It’s heartbreaking to see. I have to push myself to be bouncy and happy around him because animals are even more sensitive than people sometimes. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest, and I also remind myself to be aware of diaphragmatic breathing so my heart doesn’t collapse. But isn’t this how breakups go?

I would have given “Doggy Daddy” total visitation rights! Even overnight. But Doggy Daddy hasn’t asked about his baby.

Apart from the $2,500 that Doggy Daddy owes me, I suppose the thing that pisses me off the most is the damage that man has done to my skin. There’s nothing worse for the complexion than a bad man.

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SP/manual/50 MM/natural lighting/taken today

I study my face: I see the wound in my eyes. It won’t last forever.

On the brighter side of things, I’ve been contacted by a reporter (editor) of the newspaper (yes, actual paper paper- those things are still around!) to be interviewed next week. He wants to set me up with one of his reporters to run a featured story on me. I took two days to think it over, and then agreed. Really, what makes me the happiest is knowing that I’m to be featured not because I’m an “artist” or “photographer”- but because they find it interesting that I have been homeless so many times and yet I devote my life and time to others, especially in the area of charity. And I don’t mean “writing a check, dahhhling”. I mean going out and finding homeless people, buying them groceries, and giving what little money I have away. I wish I could do more, but my monetary resources are shy. That doesn’t limit me in the slightest though. Just sets me back.

School is absolutely draining me, and I keep telling myself to just make it through this semester (in-between tragedies) and I’ll be able to take the summer off. Push push push! I can hardly believe I got a perfect score on my Health Psychology assignment several days ago: 50 out of possible 50 points. And that particular professor is not easy to please! She is a no-nonsense, matter-of-fact instructor, but honestly, that’s my favourite kind. I learn from them the most. Regardless, the assignment took days to finish (many hours) and was 12 pages long, perhaps? That was after filling out a 45-50 page questionnaire and summarizing the results.

Fun stuff!

I’m off to drag myself to the couch. All I want in this world right now is cheesecake, an episode of the Golden Girls (go Dorothy!) , and my dog.

xo

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4 responses

  1. awww that picture of your dog is so sad!!! I’m sure he very much misses your x bf. Who purchased the dog? Maybe after things blow over your x will ask about the dog. I can’t imagine walking away from my dog without a fight!! When I was living in my best friends room a long time ago I aquired my little Chihuahua Daisy. A friends mother reached out to me and mentioned if I wanted to stay with her. Well when I told her I had a dog all bets were off. She already had a dog…and could not take in more so it was either have a home or keep my dog. I kept my dog!! 🙂 ❤

    I think that is fantastic that you were asked to be featured! What an honour~ ! I love that you have to think about things like this. It shows that you really make sure your heart is in it and that it is a good idea. Where I would be like umm HELLO hell yes what do you want to know lets do this!!!! bahahahahah maybe this is why I have never been featured!

    One day maybe you can open a womens shelter ? I know you are very passionate about the homeless. I'm sure your going to help tons of people one day. Hang in there with school. You are ALMOST there. My semester is over in April. When is yours over? Even though it's hard I know you didn't write no 12 page paper for nothing. And you will never again have to write that same paper which I am sure comes as a relief :)!! your doing great!

    March 24, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    • Aww Jen, you’re a doll- and always such a God-send. I don’t foresee Doggy Daddy coming to take Chance for walks, visits, etc. (Yes, it is very sad.) I’m the one who decided to get him though, I found him on Craig’s List (etc.) so the doggy custody does belong to me, mostly. But, that’s not the way I feel completely. It pains me greatly that Chance might slowly grow accustomed to his Daddy’s absence, but hey, in time, right? All things will be better. (I’m a fierce advocate for “Daddy rights” though, as is the case with my x-husband.) I’m so glad you have Daisy, and good for you for keeping her! The fact that you got her paw print tattooed on your ankle says a lot about your love for her. I think that’s awesome. 🙂 And yes, we’re almost done with the semester! My semester ends closer to June, but I’m going to try and finish early; I need a frikking break. School is a necessary distraction right now though. Thanks for always being so supportive, M&M. I appreciate you BIGTIME. xo

      March 24, 2013 at 10:00 pm

  2. I’m so sorry for the break up 😦 I know how hard break-ups are and how sensitive dogs can be about them. Dogs are incredible creatures!

    Gosh, sometimes it baffles me how much faith you have in me, because YOU are an amazing writer and an AMAZING person! I am so glad to see that others (the NEWS!) recognizes that, too. I never cease to be impressed with the way you handle things with creativity and love. I am speechless.

    March 25, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    • Hey, thanks for popping in here, Amy. 🙂 I swear, between you & M&M (Muffins & Mocha/Jen) – life is a lot easier right now. It’s a little more bearable knowing that your friends have been through the same crap, you know? I’ve learned by now that seasons of pain are just as important as the seasons of pleasure. (My job is to learn the patience needed to endure it.) My strength though, is knowing that no man (or woman) “makes me”, so no man or woman can certainly break me either. I appreciate your constant (and unwavering) support! xoxo

      March 25, 2013 at 5:11 pm

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