photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

Insomnia

I can’t believe I’m still up at 1:46 a.m.
The house is pretty quiet; Brian Bob is hanging out in his room with is friends, Brianna is sleeping. Josh is in the living room occupying himself and I’m getting ready to fall out of my chair. There is no way I’m getting up at 6 in the morning.

We went down to the river today so I could grab some coloured water shots with my Lensbaby. Try as I might, I can’t get away from shooting in monochrome. The pics that I do shoot in colour don’t stay coloured for long. Everything is prettier to me in black and white (and duotoned). I’m deviating back to my old ways of darker moods, heavier shadows, and dramatic lighting but I love it.

Bob and Josh are chopping up watermelon now. Today would have been my Dad’s birthday. (Technically, it still is, though he is in heaven.) I’m seriously downplaying the craziness that has become my life lately. My mom was hospitalized- near stroke- really, the list is way too long to name. If I were to write about every crazy (weird, sad, bad) thing that happens to me, I swear people would think I’m making it up. Nobody goes through this much crap in one lifetime!

Yes, somebody does.
I know I’m not the only one.

“I think I’m going to do it,” Brianna said to me earlier.

“Do what?”

“Kill myself.”

“Why do you talk like that? What’s wrong with you?”

[She went on to explain that Anthem Bluecross Blue Shield had interrogated her on the phone and I suddenly understood why she felt that way.]

“Why don’t you grow some nads and take it like the rest of us?”

This is our typical mother and daughter bonding. She tells me how bad life is, I tell her that it only gets worse. We have grown on each other over the years, she and I, like an old married couple.

“Brianna, you’re an old curmudgeon and you’re only 18,” I say.

She looks at me as if I’m a robot. She looks as if she’s a robot. She doesn’t blink or show any emotion. I laugh.

“Give it another twenty years, Sissy,” I say to her. “The party’s just getting started.”

Bob is dancing and humming as he eats his watermelon. He shifts his feet sideways almost mechanically. It’s 2:04. Time to hit the hay and do it all over again tomorrow.

Lensbaby Composer/Falls of the Ohio
f/4-ISO 400

Josh, gazing at the dam

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6 responses

  1. Failure

    You’re no parent.

    May 16, 2013 at 8:57 am

    • And you, “failure” are a coward. Anybody who creates a username just to inject their subjective hatred onto another person is in fact, a failure. You are well named.

      Because your opinion neither makes me nor breaks me- I’ll approve your comment. And yes, I’m a “parent”. Because you are not part of this family (and we both know who you are), you have no knowledge or appreciation for our (very) dry senses of humour. You should take note that your mere opinion of another person doesn’t change a fact from being a fact. I take no pleasure in having to break down such things to ignorant people or fools, and you are both.

      Please go get an education and come back. I actually do even welcome flamers (as I myself am an x-flamer, back when I was stupid, like you), but if you have no talent for it, it’s best you stay quiet. No offense. xo

      May 16, 2013 at 1:48 pm

  2. Fool

    You see, I’m no hero.

    May 17, 2013 at 5:13 am

    • This is actually the best comment I’ve ever gotten in my life.

      You see, you are.
      You are I say.

      June 7, 2013 at 9:53 pm

  3. In families, people say things all the time that they don’t really mean. Sometimes it’s just a matter of saying something to hear what it sounds like in a safe and trusting environment. I see you found the Canada Goose family. I think I will try going down there on Sunday…that’s my form of going to church.

    May 18, 2013 at 7:47 pm

    • In our family, it’s “dark humour”. We say all kinds of crazy things and laugh at (and with) each other. People don’t easily get us- we don’t mind. :0) (Outsiders would gasp and be concerned even- we laugh and shake our heads.) Canadian geese? Those aren’t ducklings? (I have no idea what anything is…) We found 3 baby ones swimming around by the dam- I’d never seen that before. Sundays are good days to go down there I think. I saw some decent sized styrofoam pieces by the dam- you should grab ’em! :0)

      May 18, 2013 at 9:03 pm

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