photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.


Imageself portrait-natural lighting/manual-Helios 44-2 film/taken today

I don’t know how much longer I can do this school thing. Many of my friends are now applying for residencies- Bell, a brilliant writer has just applied to a writer’s residency in a remote fishing village in the Arctic Circle and another friend just got back from her residency in a remote rural area in Southern Iceland. I could probably list 50 others (no, seriously) right off the top of my head who are flying here and there and working hard on their exhibitions. They’re truly amaaaaaazing people and I’m really getting to the point to where I miss the crap out of them! It’s more than that. When you form a bond with a tight group of artists- for years- you come to know each other so well. And, you become a cycle of flowing water, each watering the other and eventually, you’re not even “you” any more but hundreds of other people- all reflecting one another.

Because of the hardships that have smacked me down over the past few months, I’ve had to put off my schoolwork until the last minute. I simply couldn’t do anything about it. Now, I’m facing 30 assignments in two combined classes and my deadline is March 7th. Am I screwed, or what?!

I have the resources to take a year off. I won’t have any extra money, but I would be able to minimally pay my bills and rent, buy food, but not much more. I’m not ready to jump into a “career”, socially speaking, not until I finish school, and so I’ve been in this tailspin for quite some time. My complaints are still the same. I want to do so many things with my art and music: I simply can’t as long as I’m in school.

And school is choking the living daylight out of me. Sure, I’m accomplishing small goals, always. But my bigger ones are drying up, such as, making a music CD, doing more school readings with my book- guh. I just don’t know how much longer I can do this.

Tonight, I’m supposed to work on my assignments, but I have to hook up with my art peeps and reconnect.

I can’t believe it’s March and there’s this much snow on the ground.
My red wine awaits. I have to take a freaking break before I blow a gasket.

I’ll be back…


17 responses

  1. yvo

    heyy B! yeah. . . . school is a TOTAL grind. and most of us are busalooney by the time we get out. Many just jump into jobs (to pay bills), but everybody needs regroup/refresh time. I suggest you contact your professor and ask for extensions. When I have great students I always work with them. Maybe after this set of classes, just take a semester off and see . . . maybe that would do it for you. Always stay open to those options. I will pray for you for guidence. Seriously,I dont know how you keep this pace up SuperGirl. x y.

    March 3, 2014 at 10:05 pm

    • Oh Y, please do pray for me. I want (more than anything) to be able to do school readings with PBS/Peanut Butter Soup (as in- “day job”) and there are people doing it that are making $900 per school reading. As you know, I’m not $ driven, but I DO need to pay my bills. So, I want to be able to move into that area. (Not for $900 per school reading, but I could see it happening for $300 or so.) I’m reminded that some of the most incredible things have come from such “seemingly impossible” circumstances. Indeed, it’s the circumstances themselves that kick open the doors. I’m a go-getter- but school is kicking my BUTT, Sistuh!

      I’m going to take the night off, chillaxle over at the Bubble, and dive into the remaining 25 assignments in the morning. (8 per day. It’s an insane amount of work to tackle but heck- I’ve been through worse, right?)

      But yes, please do pray for me in that area, specifically. I absolutely cannot drop out- that’s not an option- but I’m totally going to play hookie tonight!

      🙂 xoxox

      March 3, 2014 at 10:15 pm

  2. The key is to enjoy tomorrow’s work as much as you enjoy tonight’s gathering of friends. And the next day again as much as that. Use tonight to fuel up for the week ahead.

    March 3, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    • Well, I would agree normally- but I’m so burnt out on 4 years straight of psychology, sociology, etc. that it’s hard to enjoy another second of it! I simply need a break.

      March 3, 2014 at 11:03 pm

  3. yvo

    We kinda go into a survival mode under the weight of so much and if it feel this strong, I think it indicates a true need. When I have such an UNCLE plea in me, I later I am amazed at how BADLY I needed the break. It is like my survival mode needs to decompress in order to reboot. I am praying very specifically. y

    March 3, 2014 at 11:47 pm

  4. School always sucks the life from you. This is why I’d say its so important to just be done with it!
    I hope the wine was good!

    March 4, 2014 at 10:32 am

    • The wine was divine. :0) Yes, I’m hoping to be good and done with it in July. I’m literally having to force myself over to that computer to look at one more digital page of my digital schoolbook. UGH. I’m dangerously close to ripping off my clothes and streaking down the road just to break the monotony.


      March 4, 2014 at 10:53 am

      • I believe in you and I know you can do it, and I imagining how happy you will be when you finish with it 🙂

        March 4, 2014 at 10:58 am

      • Aww, that means a lot to me, O. Thank you. 🙂

        March 4, 2014 at 11:04 am

  5. Ugh, to a certain extent, I feel you. I’m in 1 1/2 classes this semester (never ever ever again, I TELL YOU!) and it is robbing me of the ability to focus on the things I love. I dream of the day I regain all of my time. And yet… school is so important and if you’re pursuing a degree then you’re going to have to do it at some point so I’d advocate for just pushing through (who the hell am I, suddenly going for practical thoughts?)

    Sorry things are stressful. This weather most certainly does NOT help.

    Soon… it will be spring.
    Soon… you will have a break from school.
    Soon… there will be cold drinks on patios and warm enough temperatures that you will foolishly dream of wearing boots and scarves again.

    March 5, 2014 at 12:52 am

    • Well put, Aussa, well put. I liken school to a flea. Look at it. It’s tiny, comparatively speaking. A tiny blip in the radar of life. But look at how much time, energy, stress, etc. can be focused to that one little thing when it incessantly eats away at your head. And so it does!

      But hey, I didn’t know you were school this semester?! How you manage to juggle school and a job at the psychiatric hospital (and let’s not forget WANDA) and still keep up with your 200+ comments per post is beyond me. I believe I would end up taking my work home with me. :0)

      March 5, 2014 at 12:52 pm

  6. i understand and know the feeling completely…deep breaths

    March 5, 2014 at 8:33 am

    • Hello, MV. :0) Yes. It’s a constant struggle between two worlds, isn’t it? Good seeing you. x

      March 5, 2014 at 12:46 pm

  7. I’m sorry to hear the pressure of school has really build up 😦 I believe in you whether you take a break or not. But I truly have witnessed how you can kick ass so 30 assignments in (what is now) one day…. I have no doubt you got this!! 🙂 Complete faith. You have to remember though if you really want it, you will fight like hell for it. If not, you will lose your motivation to fight. I’ve seen that in myself. If the reason I am doing something starts to slip, so does everything else around it. I think how you explained friends reflecting each other is SO beautiful. AGREED. I know I have been inspired greatly from you and hope in some small way to be a reflection to you too 🙂 Miss you girl. Hang in there.

    March 6, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    • Thanks so much for your constant support, Jen- you have no idea how it’s helped to pull me through in school, and what a great inspiration YOU are. Always, and in so many different areas. I’ve asked for a 10 day extension- I really hate to do that, but given the burn and the dog bite (guh…) I think it’s absolutely necessary at this point. But, I’m pumped up again and feel pretty good about it. Ready to do this thing. ;0)

      March 7, 2014 at 2:37 am

  8. I understand about needing an “official credential”, but it seems you have enough life experience already to be the teacher. At a certain point (particularly with older students) you realize the distance between teacher and student is mainly psychological anyway.

    March 14, 2014 at 1:27 pm


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