Yep. 50 pages.
It’s 3:42 a.m. and it’s been a hell of a night. I can’t fully disclose the details here in my blog (and I ask myself at this point, what’s the purpose of my blog, if not to dish out the juicy bits?!) – after all, merely explaining the situation would be painting a certain someone black, so I’ll spare the tale.
That said, the events of this absurd situation have caused me precious time – two days in fact- and now I have 30 pages to go with a quick deadline racing down my throat. To my credit, throughout the entire ordeal, I’ve managed to take 25+ pages of hand-written notes (genotypes, phenotypes, phyla, australopithecus and segmented chordates- let’s not leave out bilateral symmetry!) but this isn’t enough. I’m grateful that I do have a great memory; I’m still able to shove way more than is healthy in there- to the brim!
When I first began this major (in Psychology), when I was still working on my A.A. in Behavioral Sciences, I semi-read my work. I crammed (big time) and flew over the material without much care. I justified it by acknowledging that I didn’t understand much of it anyway: it didn’t hurt anything. But that was years ago. I’m getting up in my major and am a senior now. I hold myself way more accountable academically and I want to feel like I’ve earned my Dean’s List placing. So now, I memorize most of what I read and still choose to take hand-written notes over typed ones. It helps me to bond more with my work. (Much like my photography, which is why I still choose to shoot in all manual. Not unlike childbirth- I want to really work for my stuff so that I can truly reap the rewards with a greater appreciation.) So there will be no cutting corners here, in any part of my work.
I’m sleepy, I’m cranky…and I don’t remember wanting to crash out in my bed more than now. But, I have to press on! 10 pages left in Behavioral Neuroscience and 15 in Cognitive Psychology. Incentives and rewards are so necessary when mushing away the years in college. If I didn’t set up a reward after each assignment, I wouldn’t be so inclined to finish.
My reward after these two exams (merely hours from now) will be going to see Heidi, my oldest daughter. My other two kids (Brian and Brianna) will be going too. We’ll go to the Olive Garden or some other similar place. That’s a pretty strong incentive! These days, we’re all spread out across two states- they’re all just growing up so fast!
Back to the grind. (I’m pretty sure I got all the rant out.)