Waiting for the Sun

I just woke up from a category 3 fever dream. This particular one wasn’t so bad. I didn’t leave my body this time (and descend into hell, as I’d done too many times to count in the earlier parts of this year when I was still living with Josh at the trailer), no, this one was heavenly by comparison.

I was lying in a dark room, with a remote in my hand, trying to change the channel or some other remote activity, when I sensed a dark presence enter the room from another dimension.

Here we go again…

I’m no stranger to Spiritual Warfare; in fact, I pretty much sleep with my Armour on at all times. I simply never know when I’m going to be attacked in the night.

Having been raised Pentecostal, and under the fierce Spiritual tutelage of my father, I was educated on all of the tricks of the enemy (whom I consider to be Satan, Lucifer, the Devil, the Serpent, and the Dragon (there are many more, and it’s important to note that they are not all one and the same entity).

Most of my family was raised in Church, as in, attending the building several times per week for decades. My experience was entirely different, however. I didn’t attend Church so much, but was raised under the watchful eye and educated mind of my Spiritually-gifted father, who was a prophet, just as his mother (my grandmother, Jewel), was (also) a prophetess.

My other grandma (on my Mother’s side, Ruth- who I was named after (middle name) ), was also a Prophetess, so I was blessed with a double whammy, inherently, with the gift of prophecy.

In fact, my Dad was not only a prophet, he had been blessed with a spiritual mantle (very much like the kind that was passed on from Elija to Elisha), that came from Sister Sinnex, from Church (many moons ago) when she died. My Pastor, Rev. Hicks, shared with my Dad that Sister Sinnex had a double mantle on her, which represented gifts in both prophesy and prayer. When Sister Sinnex died, her double mantle was passed on to my father, right around the time Rev. Hicks prophesied over my Dad, revealing that God had gifted him with “The wisdom of Solomon”- very powerful stuff.

Having been raised under my Dad’s teachings (for 4 decades), I can attest that it was true. He perpetually prophesied things- on the daily, sometimes just in passing, talking about trivial things- but with purpose- and they would come to pass within weeks- sometimes days, but they would, always. It was only me- and my younger brother, John, – who witnessed these events, for we were the ones who spent our lives with my father, daily, and yearly.

When that is your “normal” growing up, there’s no way you’re going to relate to the world and others in an ideal, “normal” way. My Dad told me when I was only 17 or so, that out of his five children, his mantle would be passed down to me, when he passed away, and so it was.

I had already had gifts of dream interpretation (very much like Joseph, portrayed in the Bible), as well as prophetic abilities from both of my grandmothers and father alone, but after my Dad passed through the veil of this world into the next, it hit me like a freight train.

Being prophetic and being able to ascertain its gifts and callings in your everyday life can be hard to explain. It’s dream-like. In dreams, one doesn’t need to be told something about someone or some particular situation- he or she just knows. That’s just how dreams work. And that’s how the gift of prophecy works as well.

It’s as if one moment you have a thought about something, and the next moment- lightning fast- 200% of the information is downloaded into your mind and spirit instantaneously and you could speak for hours describing how everything works.

My Dad also told me that the order of the familial linage would pass down to (only) me, and then down to my oldest daughter, Heidi- if– he said, she wanted it.

The Bible states that “To whom much is given, much is required.” And as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for!

Heavy is the head that wears the crown…

The Crown is heavy indeed.

It comes with great sacrifice and great responsibility. With it comes much pain, tribulation, and intense responsibility to go before God and lay down on His altar for your loved ones- to sacrifice your life (Spiritually) through heavy prayer and travail. It’s great to pray for those we love. Who doesn’t do that?

But it’s a requirement to bear up the burdens of those who hate me, and lay snares out for me and to rip me apart behind closed doors- biting others and turning their hearts against me.

The human side of me wants to prophecy against them and send thunder down upon their heads- and don’t think I couldn’t do it with one breath-

But the Lord requires me to not only forgive them, but to love them, continually. That doesn’t mean that I want to see them, have tea with them, or be part of their lives, anymore. In honesty, I did want to be, for many years, while they continued to host family gatherings and family birthday parties and Thanksgiving get-togethers and Christmas gatherings and all sorts of festivities of family feasts and merriment, year-after year- with me purposely being excluded.

The entire family.

After 11 long years of this nonsense, you’d think it would have stopped, because, after all, Christians are supposed to love each other, right? And forgive one another? I mean, that’s basic Bible stuff that 2 year old children learn and try to live by.

So then why can’t Christian adults?

The heart is a very deceitful thing, my friends.

As a matter of fact, my niece just hosted my brother’s birthday party back in June, and invited the entire family to celebrate the festivities- purposely excluding me. Everybody went and had a great time. I heard about it 2 days after it was over.

That’s good ole Christian love, huh?

Little hate games people play.

That’s a’ight. God’s taking notes and so are His angels.

Paul, an Apostle of Christ, spoke to the people back in the day about their backbiting, hypocrisy, fake Christianity, etc. and stated, in II Corinthians, “I have come to you all three times now about your evil doings, etc., but a 4th time I will not spare.”

In other words, if he had to come in person a fourth time, he was gonna let ‘em have it.

I’m very much at the “…gonna let ‘em have it stage.”

Paul was pissed because they were acting like hateful fools on 3 separate occasions. Try tolerating that shit for 11 years. From the people who share blood with you.

I’ve reached a point, and more importantly, God Has, that we’re no longer content to perpetually extend endless olive branches and offer up our necks for the slaughter.

It gets old being the only one on the Give a Shit bridge.

He’s directing me to pray in a different way these days. Yes, I’ll still ask God to heap their burdens on my back- twice per day, morning and night in my prayer closet- because they’re too weak to carry their own (either that, or simply too rebellious or simply don’t care to), but either way, I’ll continue to be that beast of burden because what most people don’t realize, is that the lowest place with the Lord, is in the most incredibly peaceful, joyful, place one could ever hope to be.

Sure, it hurts like hell to be in there (the prayer closet), and scream and wail and travail and cry out in pain, at what this family has done to me over the years, and their continual rejection and hate games-

but here’s the thing. If it wasn’t them, it’d be something or someone else. It just sucks that it is them. And it breaks my heart that not a one of ‘em has a freaking HOLY GHOST backbone (as my beloved friend, Sandy, calls it), to stand up for the Truth, the Word of God, not for me! Forget me! But how about any of them saying to one another, “Um, hey, it says in the Bible that if we hate our sister and aunt, but claim to love God, that we’re liars, and that our entire religion is in vain.”

And people think in order to hate someone you have to hit ‘em, or spit on ‘em, or some other form of abuse.

What is hate?

Hate is the act of withholding one’s love so someone else will suffer.

Read that again and let it bleed into your soul.

Looking at you square in the eyes, Kristen.

When you planned my brother ‘s birthday party, intentionally cutting me out, it pleased you to know that I would be hurt.

God saw it. I saw it.

And this was only 2 months ago.

I no longer care about staying silent and hiding away to keep the peace, perpetually holding myself ransom from my own family so everyone can enjoy themselves.

I have 0 desire left to ever join any of you in another “family” gathering. My family is in Heaven.

I gave my entire DSLR camera with every single one of my vintage film lenses to my niece- my entire rig worth $1,300– for her birthday last year, and when her birthday party was planned only weeks later, they all made sure that I wasn’t invited- even my brother whom I loved dearly-

ALL made sure I didn’t receive an invite.

The entire family got together in a group chat- me excluded, of course, to talk about how much I wasn’t welcome at my own niece’s birthday party, as if I was the problem in that situation- when I’d just given my entire camera rig away to the birthday girl- but even so, her Mom, Dad, sister- every single one of them colluded to exclude me from the party in that group chat-

…looking at you again, Kristen, for posting an 🙄 when my brother asked why I wasn’t allowed to join Cesia’s birthday party.

And shame on you, Claudia, for not having the common decency to think of inviting me when I’d just given your daughter my entire camera rig/gear- and we ‘d texted peacefully with each other only days before.

Sick. All of you.

And I didn’t even find out about all of that hideous shit until days after the party.

Evil. Every frikking one of you.

And then have the nerve, brother, to scapegoat me as if I’m the problem.

Hypocrites, every one of you.

With the exception of 2 innocent people in this family- who are genuine Christians, and sweet as apple pie- there are none among you but vipers, as Jesus calls them.

Snakes. All of you.

Will I continue to bear up your burdens in my prayer closet? Of course I will, just as I’ve done for years, and I’ll continue to pray in earnest that God opens each of your eyes to just how hateful each of you have been to me, truly.

I’ll continue to love and forgive, always.

And though you’ve closed your doors on me, year after year, my door will remain open for each of you. I’ll always have an olive branch for any of you; but just as Paul said, I’m done sparing.

Like I say.

Love is s choice. Sometimes it’s a cold, hard, choice, not some squishy feeling that makes you feel a certain way. It hurts to love and choose love, over and over again every day- but we’re commanded to, as Christians.

All of that said, I’m going my own way in life now. Don’t worry about that invite list, Claudia, and Cesia, and Kristen and Christopher, and Anita, and Laura, and Charles.

Y’all can have your parties.

My family isn’t who I share blood with but those that do the will of my Father, as Jesus said.

My Daddy didn’t raise a fool. I’m forever grateful for his teachings over the years. Nobody will ever know the inexhaustible love and wisdom he shared with me, year after year. Too many secrets in the Word to list in 20 volumes, and that’s the truth.

He passed on his Mantles and Spiritual lamp to me, and in its Light, I’ll continue to glow.

August 27, 2024 | Categories: FOR THE “FAMILY” | Tags: backbiting, bear up burdens, birgitta, compassion, correction, deceit, deceitful heart, evil doers, Fake Christians, fake family, fine art, forgiveness, from Saul to Paul, guile, hate, hatemongers, HYPOCRISY, HYPOCRITES, instruction, knowledge, liars, love, mercy, neverending love, nonlove, Paul an Apostle of Christ, photography, reproof, serpents, sloths, spiritual hypocrisy, vipers, wisdom | 2 Comments