photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

Chasing Rabbits (and Big Dreams)

I read an article the other day in which a woman said, “A person who chases two rabbits at the same time catches neither in the end.” Thanks Taylor Swift.

It’s 4:10 a.m. and I’m just getting out of the shower. My head is throbbing again; I’m trying to stave off another migraine. I haven’t had a head-smasher in about 6 weeks- that’s a record for me! I ate en entire bag of Swedish Fish though and it’s trying to bite me in the ass: sugar is the enemy! (And I’m slightly addicted to Swedish Fish.)

I’m fresh out of Ambien; hence my insomnia. I was too lazy to go to the doctor, so…here I sit, editing pics and contemplating my future in the early wee morning hours! And on that note, I’m pretty sure I’m only 15 credit hours away from receiving my Bachelor’s in psychology. I have almost 100 credit hours so far; I’m pretty stoked about that. 🙂

I’ve decided that I’m going to try and get into Indiana University Southeast’s Master’s-to-PhD Clinical Psychology program in another year or so. Once I get my foot in the door- it’s a given- I’ll be in. So, it’s crucial that I keep my grades up because the competition in grad. schools is fierce! I’m going to have to really up my game when that time comes. Staying on the Dean’s List is very important. I raise the bar super high for myself so that if I don’t meet my standards and end up falling short, I’ll still succeed. And, I’m thinking about getting a dual Master’s degree- one in Clinical psychology and one in Social Work (M.S.W.); I’m going to need all of the extra tools in my bag that I can get. I’m betting that if I get a master’s degree in social work and a master’s in clinical psychology (minoring in forensic psych.) as well as my PhD in Clinical- I’ll be set. So, that’s what I’m aiming for. It’s ambitious as hell, but I’m an ambitious kinda gal.

In other news, I’m shocked (but not really) that Doggy Daddy hasn’t even requested to see his dog (or spend time with him) – not even once. 😦 It’s heart breaking. Who could walk away from a baby this cute?!

Chance

I really shouldn’t be surprised. Same thing, different year. On the other side of the coin though, it’s given Chance and I time to bond even more. I’ve had to fill in the gap and really make sure that he (my dog) isn’t suffering in Doggy Daddy’s absence. And, he’s not. But don’t let me get started on THAT.

Life has been super quiet lately. I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed the peace and quiet and the restoration of sanity in general. It hasn’t been easy! My heart is still raw and I’m still confused and bewildered that Josh and I aren’t even friends any more- we don’t speak. At all. It’s…very weird. But I suppose that’s how it has to be. I’m alright with it. As much as I want to divulge all sorts of juicy tidbits here, I’ll refrain. I don’t owe that man one more thing, but I do owe him the decency of not railing on him if he’s not here to defend himself. I’ll give him that. 

Sometimes, it’s a struggle to find my peace and smile throughout the day. I wrestle to do that in the wake of such a hideous breakup. (Then again, it’s only been a little over a month since parting ways.) But I know that I’m capable of great love and great compassion. If I were to lose those two components within me, I’d be nothing. So those are the things that I strive to hold onto more than anything: my love and compassion for my fellow human being. Generally, that’s not hard for me to do, love. But breaking up with the love of your life has a way of destroying innocent things and feelings; it pollutes beauty, and in the end, can leave a thick, evil feeling in your heart. It can be a real battle just to breathe sweet air again- but thank God those feelings don’t last. For some people, they actually become those feelings, until they’re hateful rotten shells of their former selves.

But I know me, and I know my heart. I’ll come out of this a winner. Stronger in love for it. 🙂

I’m not quite there yet! But I will be. And I can still smile and feel like a child inside. That’s a precious thing to me. Life is still sweet. ♥

Tell it to my Heart
Spring break is officially over and I have to get started soon on my 7 page term paper/literature review on OCD.

Short term goal: finishing my term paper
Long term goal: becoming a doctor/psychologist

One day at a time.

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9 responses

  1. one day at a time for sure.

    March 21, 2015 at 11:36 am

  2. Remember a little over a year ago when I was in the same exact spot you were? Not being friends is probably the most helpful thing in a long term relationship that’s ended in terms of healing. Of course Chris and I have done the major horrific breakup thing a couple times…but last time when it all happened it was the absolute worst, and only when we were completely cut off was it the calmest time for healing…And you’re better than I am in not spewing whatever about him the way I was, ha! You’re strong, and you’re not letting it destroy all the other aspects of your life and for that I’m super extra proud of you my friend. Indeed, one day at a time. Only way to fly. One minute at a time if need be.

    March 23, 2015 at 12:23 am

    • Oh I totally remember when you were going through the same thing. It really sucks so much when this happens. The challenge (for me) is trying to convince my heart that it’s the best thing that could ever happen to me. My head already knows this, but the heart- that heart is a stubborn mule, isn’t it?! But yes, this IS indeed the best thing that could have happened. I’m getting to know me again- the me that exists without a man- and I’m finding out that I’m alright with myself- I’m alright to be manless. If you see me floating over to that direction (the dating pool) anytime soon, just take me out to the woods and put me down like an old dog. Seriously…heheh. x

      March 23, 2015 at 12:51 am

  3. I think that is an awesome goal, and I know you would make a super great psychologist! You definitely have the smarts, but you also have so much more to bring to the table as well!! Your insights and artistic talent along with your intellect are such a perfect combination for one bad ass psychologist!! 😀

    March 23, 2015 at 10:43 am

    • I hope so, Amy! I’ve got 5 lifetimes of personal experience but now I’m having to match it with empirical and theoretical experiences. I hope I’m able to hold up to your description. 😉 Thanks for your neverending support and friendship- you are AWESOME. x

      March 23, 2015 at 3:10 pm

  4. Keeping busy-good for your heart and your mind. Cute dog. You are thought of today. Hugs.

    March 23, 2015 at 8:45 pm

  5. elmediat

    Best of luck on achieving your goals. When life gives you lemons you get acid reflex. Eventually you find some sort of buttermilk to negate it .

    Great compositions. 🙂

    April 2, 2015 at 11:54 pm

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