Death of a Friend
Josh and I are no longer in a “partnering relationship”. We’ve been together (off and on) for 8+ years and really, have been like each other’s skin. Recently, he underwent a horrible ordeal which ultimately changed his personality. I thought it was only temporary, but it’s proving to be permanent. He’s become so aggressive and has resorted to screaming and raving every day- all day- it’s as though he has acute brain damage or something. I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. I’ve lost the man and best friend that I loved so much. That man died. It’s as though my son and I are living with a total stranger. My son jumped up and scared him earlier in the kitchen- just playing around as he likes to do. Rather than be surprised or even annoyed, Josh threatened to punch my son in the mouth.
I couldn’t believe it. Not long afterwards, I exited the kitchen to go to my room- away from Josh- and he followed me. For the next 10 to 15 minutes, he raged and yelled and beat on my door, demanding that I not walk away when he’s talking. He’s become so abusive, my son and I both now have high(er) blood pressure as a direct result from the daily stress.
He owes me $350- the cell phone he’s using, I payed for. The blanket he’s sleeping with- I payed for. The medicine he’s now taking- I payed for. (Nice.) Rather than pay me what he owes, he abuses me. So, I’ll be looking for a new place to live for my son and I. My kids will always be a priority over any man.
In all the years I’ve known Josh, he’s still a taker. And I’m still a giver, apparently.
Update and to his credit: he’s payed me what he owes.
🙂 <<<<<<<
But no more. When a person threatens my kid- it’s over. Plain and simple. I’ve seen many women in life stay with abusive men- all because they think they “need” them. That’s where they and I differ! I don’t need any man. Certainly not an abusive one.
After weeks of enduring Josh’s (escalating) abuse, I decided to give him a dose of his own medicine. More times than I can even count, I’ve gone to my room to get away from his screaming/raging, and he follows me. All of my pleading for “peace” and calm and quiet fall on deaf ears. He just doesn’t go away! Not at first, anyway. I’ve literally begged him to get away from my door and to simply “choose peace” but to no avail. He refuses to go away and chooses rather to rage at me. Sadly, much of the time it’s over nothing at all. Yesterday’s eruption was caused because he came in raging against his boss, and I told him that he should have a smidgeon of gratitude, because his boss pays his salary and is kind enough to give him a job. It behooves an employee to recognize that if nothing else, their boss has chosen to hire him/her and he should acknowledge that he owes the man a debt of gratitude. It’s not a corporation; it’s a small 3 (and sometimes 4) person crew.
His lack of grace just floored me. So I told him that perhaps if he were to shift his focus from his anger at his boss to the fact that he even has a job, maybe it would help him. I also told him that he is hyper-focused (again) on himself and is internalizing again. It’s as if he’s got a large lazer beam pointed at himself and can only see HIM right now. As awful as it sounds and as awful as it makes me feel to say it- he’s an extremely selfish person.
I wasn’t expecting him to thank me for pointing that out, but I wasn’t expecting the war that ensued either. Everything offends him and if he’s not getting his ego stroked, he gets lost in whatever topic is being discussed, and always, always- he’ll make it about him- no matter what.
But back to my revenge.
I wanted to shake him up a bit because I think that 2 straight weeks of taking a person’s verbal abuse is two weeks too long. I realized that all of my “asking nicely” for peace was getting me nowhere, so I decided to give him an interactive demonstration; one that he could (inadvertently) participate in.
I waited until 4 in the morning (keeping in mind he had to work the next day), and I took two glass teacups and dropped them on the coffee table together. The sound of glass breaking shook him awake and startled him. (Mission accomplished.) He became irate immediately- but you see- he’s usually irate anyway, and so when he calmed down some time later, I explained that from now on, every time he “took” my peace from me- especially when I was asking to be left alone- I was going to take some from him.
It really pains me that I had to resort to such drastic measures, but hey- whatever works!
And it worked like a charm.
In other parts of the world, I’m doing phenomenally well in my two courses: Behavioral Neuroscience and Cognitive Psychology. I absolutely love being a student again. Above all else, It’s a wonderful and necessary distraction that is highly welcome in my life at the moment.
I don’t want to spend one more day with Mr. Raging Preachy-Pants. But until we get a new place, chances are I’ll have to.
Chance– taken yesterday in my bedroom with my new SMC Super Tak (umar) 28 MM/3.5 wide angle lens
(Naturally, accompanied by the essential college highlighter and neuroscience notes.)
Bad Photography 101
There are literally hundreds of tutorials out there that instruct future photogs on “good photography”; how to improve your photographic techniques, how to take slamming pics, process them successfully, etc. but there are few, if any, “bad photography” lessons out there for the masses who actually like the trout pout and the Myspace arm. (Go on, Google it. I’ll wait!) If you are inclined to take pics of yourself late into the night, twisting your mouth to and fro into hundreds of positions (but still, strikingly the same) as if you are truly surprised –we believe you (it’s cute!) – then this post is for you, and I am here to help.
Exhibit A
Notice the processing. My skin is like- all yellow and cool looking. It’s called “cross processing”, and really, it’s a fad that’s here to stay. Very popular with Instagram and other quickie programs. (And who doesn’t love Instagram?) If you haven’t done cross processing, well, you haven’t really lived yet.
Also, notice my skin. It’s like melted cheese. This is what you want! There’s a nifty little tool called the “skin smoothener”. If you use it just a little bit, it makes it look “real” (we don’t want that) so hit it up a few more times. Like, 4 more. Ok. You’ll know when you have it right because it starts looking glisteny- like Vaseline. (That’s what you’re after.) If it looks like a slice of cheese- not good! If it looks like a slice of cheese that’s been in the sun after three hours? Bingo. You are doing it!
K. Let’s move on.
See the expression in my eyes? Believe it or not, that took like…forty shots to get it right. The look you’ll want to try and capture should be something like this:
(That’s Naidu. My deer friend who lives in the park.)
Just the face. (And especially the eyes.) Try to look surprised, but kind of like, “Oh. I didn’t know that camera was at the end of my hand. Are you serious?!!”
Let’s keep moving.
Notice the mouth. This suggests that you are in fact, surprised that you’re on camera, but yet mega- in charge of everything in your life. Like you’re saying, “I got this- oh I got this.” It’s alright if you give a little head pop when you click the shutter (or snap the button). It actually helps to emphasize the trout pout, which is extremely important. You do not want to be out-trouted by your Facebook friends…no no no. No no.
Lastly, we have what I have coined the “Myspace Arm”, years ago. The Myspace Arm was a pioneer in its own right. Anybody and everybody who had Myspace (back in the day) absolutely lived by it. Although Facebook has quietly taken the crown of Myspace, the Myspace arm is practically mandatory for all social networking platforms. (Let’s give credit where credit is due, huh?) Well done, Myspace!
There are hundreds of bad photography tips I could impart unto you, but this pretty much sums up the most important ones that you’ll need to learn, if you want to be “up to snuff” in the “bad photo-selfie genre”. (And let’s face it, we all have bad selfies. We just don’t all post them.)
If you’re going to do it, do it up right.
Signing off.
Yours truly,
-B. Lindsey
m o n o c h r o m e j u n k i e † 