Adieu (Part II)
Ohio River/50 MM/natural lighting/manual exposure/manual focus/shot in monochrome/4.5.13
I was entranced by the lighting surrounding this trash bag. It made me think: some people would see a trash bag that was snagged on a tree and perhaps keep walking. When I saw it, my eye immediately (and involuntarily) converted it to monochrome/black and white. This happens a lot. I think it’s because I grew up watching the Twilight Zone in B&W -which I love- and Alfred Hitchcock, but also, a good many shows were still in black and white in the 70’s. I found myself studying shadows and highlights, lighting, tonal ranges, the way shadows moved- cinematic perspectives and such. When I look out at the world, shadows, lines, and geometric patterns are the first things I see, and then I see people. I don’t think that’s an entirely bad thing. Art never leaves me, and it never sleeps.
I’ve decided that I’m going to use my blog as an incentive for getting schoolwork done. I’m an excellent student, and only a few points away from the Dean’s list. (I’m already a Phi Theta Kappa member for life, having been inducted at Ivy Tech Community College when I was a med. student 20 years ago. Four A’s and one B- that crap wasn’t easy!) But I’ve been so distracted by rogue family members and their perpetual witch-hunt, the dissolution of a seven year “life partner” union (not quite a marriage but close enough), an exhausting car accident, having to drop classes and readjust after the accident, moving, you name it- I’ve been through it in the past few months and it’s taken a toll on me. I haven’t allowed any of those circumstances to devour me or harden me indefinitely. But I have allowed them to distract me and have put off my school work until it’s now hanging in the balance.
My blog is not my top priority and several times per year I’ll do a systematic “soul cleanse”. I go away from all people, social networks (which I don’t do much of anyway- on purpose) and shut everything down and be very still. I take a personal inventory and reprioritize. I question my motives for everything. I believe the answers to these silent questions can only be found in exile- to some degree- even if for a few weeks.
But that’s not the case this time. I’m so far behind in my schoolwork, so I am going to exercise Operant Conditioning and a self-controlled reward system. My blog will be my incentive, and unless I catch up (and fast); I won’t be allowed to post. Anything.
My blog is a form of bleeding out. If a person doesn’t get out all of the garbage in a positive, healthy way, it will absolutely come out in a destructive way. And people get hurt that way. So, posting to my blog is definitely important to me; it keeps my “pen” sharp as well. But always, I blog for myself. I never feel like I’m “addressing an audience” when I write- I’ve been keeping a journal my whole life. I invite others to read it however, because I think we all give and take from one another in life: one man’s trash is another’s treasure, as the saying goes. One person may read something and roll his or her eyes in disgust, and another may wipe a tear away. It’s all subjective.
A temporary “blog-exile” will force me to kick my studies into high gear, because it’ll redirect most of my energy, time, attention, and focus to my schoolwork. I will be away for several weeks no doubt. That said, I’ll continue to support my fellow friends, artists, bloggers, writers, and acquaintances at WordPress, Redbubble, and Soaphoto (the 3 sites that I frequent) in art work, posts, emails, and other works.
Today, I have a 13 page questionnaire to complete (after having read 50 pages in Health Psychology) and then I’ll be summarizing the results, which will be another 8 or 9 page assignment, and I also have 40 pages to read in Earth Science (Metamorphism) a lab exercise to complete and an exam afterwards. After that, I must read two chapters in Public Speaking and complete a 13 question assignment- each question requires a full paragraph discussion.
And then there’s the many (many) pre-calculus problems, as in, hundreds of them and let’s not forget all of the formulas, e.g., distance formula, midpoint and slope-intercept forms,etc. That’s a bunch of joy waiting to happen.
Yep- I’ll return when I’ve caught up.
It continues to amaze me how you see the world. I thought that the trash bag was a scarf tied around the tree blowing in the breeze hahaha . The thing is though, you can make it look like that because you see beauty in things others would pass by. And I’m not just talking photos! Beautiful picture.
Also, have you ever tried blogging about your actual school work. Like say you read those 50 pages in psychology (which by the way your courses sound hard as shit) and you post whatever stands out to you on your blog? I did it with my health class on my blog and it made it so much more interesting!! However, it may help you more to just not blog for a while and focus on your work…you have to do what you have to do! I know it’s coming down to it and I dunno about yours but my semmester ends and the end of this month.
Never tell yourself you can’t do it. Like you said..you are PTK… almost on the deans list (is this the presidents list?) … and you are working your ass off. Your nearly there. I swear we are tested the most when we are closest to our goals lol! It’s like God saying how bad do you want this? prove it! ❤ Will miss ya if you go away but totally get it~!!
April 7, 2013 at 8:07 pm
Aww…thanks for your wisdom and encouragement, M&M, as always. 😉 Nah, I wouldn’t blog about school work (so much) if I need to go away and do some soul-searching. When I do that (periodically) – a “technology and networking fast” is so very important for me. Blogging is an important aspect in my life, but I shut that down too (again, periodically and intentionally) because I don’t ever want to be conditioned to believe that I “must have it”. There’s a blogging addiction that can happen to people just as it is with Facebook and other social networking sites, so, it’s important to me to go away from “everything” online several times per year. I commune with God and nature and like a sponge, soak up a deeper love that I can only get in that special way. I love what you said here- “It’s like God saying how bad do you want this? prove it!”
And isn’t that the truth?! Being the x- cross country runner and trainer that I am, I know that the hardest part of the race is at the end. I also know that the only way to make it to the end of the race is to pace yourself. I’ve learned that pacing yourself, systematically and slowly, is so much harder than sprinting at the end. Thanks for your feedback here- I take what you say to the bank. 😉 And you do the same with school! You are ALMOST THERE. Give yourself a hug. And a doughnut…heheh…
Love you. :0)
April 8, 2013 at 12:29 am
How can you have any pudding, if you don’t finish your homework??? 😮
April 8, 2013 at 8:36 am
April 8, 2013 at 7:44 pm