photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

Silent Days

Image

50 MM 1.8 II/natural lighting/manual/shot in monochrome
Southern Illinois

I’m so tired of being the only one fighting for this.

And I’m so tired of being thrown away every time my BFF wants to get high. He never comes over on his own. Why would he want to come and see me or hang out with me? I don’t “get high”.

Knowing that I lost my man to porn (again) was a wicked dose of salt right to the eye.
I dealt with it the best that I could (and am quite certain that I haven’t even really begun to deal with it- it’s just way too painful), but I’m no match for his “weed buddies”. I hate losing. But even more, I hate that he’s not fighting for our friendship. At all.

He’d rather be high and “hanging out with the boys”. How juvenile.
It bites the big one.

I should probably get it over with and shoot this horse.
What am I even holding on to at this point?

Maybe I need a new BFF.

 

 

 

 

 

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7 responses

  1. claude

    Sometimes, Hon – well…most times, I guess – things happen for a reason. We may not always RECOGNIZE what that reason is, but there’s one (or more) there. Knowing how analytical, caring and insightful you can be, I have no doubt in my mind that you’re discovering – and understanding – these reason(s)…and that you’ll make the RIGHT decision as to what path to take from hereon in. 🙂 BIG hug!

    May 7, 2013 at 8:12 am

    • I hear what you’re saying, C. Usually, great things are in store when you’ve had an extra heap of raw pain in your life- much like a childbirth. This whole year has been like that for me- one tragedy after the next- but I do know how to turn things around, and how to take “absolutely nothing” and see the beauty in it- then remold it into “something”. I don’t believe we just “suffer to suffer”- there’s always a reason and it’s usually for our own growth. The bright side of hurting so much- in hard times- is that the smallest of things can bring us joy. Thanks for dropping me a line here and bringing a smile to my face. Love ya, bro. :0)

      May 7, 2013 at 10:07 am

  2. I like the movement in your pics. Very angsty d–★☆–b Fix your lipstick lol and get back in the game girl. Your gorgeous, Peace!

    May 8, 2013 at 3:09 am

    • Aww, thanks. :0) Yeah, I definitely need to get back in the game. (I seem to have taken a bad left somewhere.) Have you seen the game? Is it this way?

      Haha…
      xo

      May 8, 2013 at 3:17 am

  3. I’m going to give you my favorite Bukowski quote. It’s kind of long so I hope that’s ok… “If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’t even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery — isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you’re going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.” I don’t even know you but so what, I can tell you are passionate and not in an ordinary way. People come ago, that;s just life so instead of getting buried in the lows think of them as ladders to gettin’ high 😉 lol Trust me…

    May 8, 2013 at 3:32 am

    • Yes, people come and go- much like a ferris wheel- but the fighter in me is used to fighting for what (and who) I love. (I’m fierce in that area.) Sometimes getting buried in the lows is a necessary thing- because you need to feel the death and pain of the situation. Not to revel in it- but to learn how to “become a firewalker”. Greater abilities to withstand much fire come at a greater emotional price. It’s necessary to cry, weep, bleed, die, and become friends with silence so that even the tiniest shift in a cloud or the slightest of breezes can bring tears of gratitude rolling down the face. THEN you know you’re alive…and with purpose. That’s where I am- in the “fiery furnace” and it hurts like hell. But it’s a necessary burn and it brings growth. In the end- it’s what gives me my shine. And passion. 😉

      And now I’m going to give you my favourite Bukowski quote:

      “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

      Ha. I like that guy.

      May 8, 2013 at 1:38 pm

      • |ʍ|–★.☆–|ʍ| Rock & roll!!!

        May 8, 2013 at 1:55 pm

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