photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

Hell Week x 3

The heat is making us all a little crazy. It’s 86 degrees in this place.

“How do you feel about being cremated, mom?” Brianna asked me nonchalantly.

“Is that what you want? To be cremated?” I asked her.

“Being buried is one of the most vile things you can to to another human being. They drain your blood, fill you with embalming fluid, and stuff cotton in all of your holes.”

“They stuff cotton in all of your holes?” I asked.


“Well, there’s a Scripture that says we’ll return to the dust. I think that’s a commandment, not a request,” I said. “Do they really stuff cotton in all of your holes?” I asked again.

She said something else but my mind wandered off to thoughts of me, lying on a cold table with bits of cotton hanging out of my holes. Not that I would feel it at all.

“And I don’t want a funeral,” she continued.

“So you’d rather be burned up?” I asked her.

“I don’t want a funeral either,” I said. “Actually, I’ve left that up to Heidi. She’ll do what she wants with me.”

We sat quietly and reflected on the possibilities.

‘”Oh damn! Where did I put my mother?!'” I said to Brianna, mimicking Heidi.

“No,” Brianna said, ” she would pick up a homeless man with you in the back seat. He would be like, ‘What’s in the back?’ And she would be like, ‘ My dead mother,'” said Brianna, sitting upright with a no-nonsensical far away look, pretending to be Heidi.

I laughed as I pictured Heidi toting my cold body halfway across the city, picking up transients along the way- pushing bags and shoving heavy body parts to make more room.

“Well, I’ll tell you what,” I said to Brianna. “God forbid, if you should go before me, I’ll honour your request and have you cremated. I give you my word.”

She seemed appeased.
I got up to make noodles.

Josh and I were up at the buttcrack of dawn, as Heidi puts it, praying and getting ready to start our day. We went for a “coffee walk” at 9:00 a.m. which lasted for 20 minutes or so. We’re planning a chamomile tea-walk this evening. We’ve been working relentlessly on our schoolwork since this morning (squeezing in a doctor trip in between classes). I’m so glad Josh and I are both in school simultaneously; we’re a great support system for one another. We know when to put extra pressure on each other and when to tell the other to take a break.

The next three weeks will no doubt be the most academically challenging thing I’ll have ever done. I have no earthly idea how I’m going to do everything I’ve scheduled. It’s shocking to think about. My schedule looks like this:

June 12-Wednesday

Study for Midterm Exam in Earth Science/Take Midterm Exam
Math 2.5 & 2.6
Health Psychology Unit 3
Read Public Speaking Chap 7

June 13-Thursday

Take Math Quiz 2.4-2.6
Read Chapter 10 Earth Science
Read Public Speaking Chap 8

June 14-Friday

Take Earth Science Test 10
Do remaining Assignments in Earth Science
Read Public Speaking Chap. 9

June 15-Saturday

Public Speaking ALL DAY
Do # 3 Public Speaking Written Assignment
Take next EXAM in Public Speaking
Prepare for next 4 speeches

And that’s just the next few days.
Each chapter of each course covers 30-40 pages.

The remainder of the month is staggering. I’m fairly certain that after I graduate, I’ll be working on my B.A. in Sociology and a double minor in Criminal Justice and Psychology. Lots of fun in store for me!

I have so little time now; I’m off to compose a 5 page Health Psychology assignment, read another chapter in Public Speaking and do 25 (more) pre-calculus problems- that will be 50 total for the day. That will add up to over 200 math problems in just the past few days, apart from my other courses.

Time to get cracking.

Au revoir!


8 responses

  1. Interesting chat

    June 12, 2013 at 6:06 pm

  2. claude

    “Time to get cracking.”

    Butt-Cracking? :-p

    Abientot, Mademoiselle

    June 13, 2013 at 8:47 am

  3. Interesting how more people are thinking about what to do with their mortal remains. I saw a show recently about Tibet and how the monks there are “buried in the sky” via the vultures who swoop in and clean up the place. That struck me as a pretty good way to return to the earth. As for all your schoolwork…take each challenge one at a time. Best of luck to you and Josh with your finals.

    June 14, 2013 at 9:21 am

    • I remember being obsessed with death when I was a teenager. It’s all I thought about. Now that I’m in my 40’s, I rarely think about it but have certainly made peace with it. I was a wild child when I was younger so I think I was afraid of death. Now though, I try to make sure I don’t close my eyes at the end of a day with hate in my heart, or an unrepented sin (etc. etc.)- so now, the thought of death isn’t an invasive, fearful thing for me. More like a distant cousin that you don’t necessarily “love”, but respect…heh..

      and the school thing- man I’m so burnt out. Past that. I’m going to totally cop out tonight and play an adventure (PC) game. I appreciate your words of wisdom and support. xo

      June 14, 2013 at 6:51 pm

  4. That conversation you and your daughter had sounds like one Nick would try to have with me over dinner hahahah Apparently he wants to turn into a tree when he dies. Throw this idea out to your daughter. There are now these containers where a seed is planted along with a soil mix and someones ashes. They are then planted in the ground where (hopefully) the tree will grow. Nick has decided he wants to become a tree. ❤

    And with school, you have got this!!! Remember how much you have already completed. Tell yourself this is cake. You can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I swear, for me, at least 3 years was complete darkness lol. Out of curiosity, are you taking several different minors just for the experience or other? I have not honestly considered minoring in anything because I know it would be more money….unsure if I should though?

    June 16, 2013 at 10:18 am

    • Wow. A tree. I’ve never heard of that. I have heard of peoples’ ashes being mixed in oil paint and painted in a picture (eww…) heheh… Thanks, by the way for supporting me in school- you always do that and I’m so grateful for that. :0) The whole minoring thing: I want to gather tools for my bag, that’s all. I want to be able to include those subjects in my overall field, and really, minoring in something is just saying that you can specialize in that area- it’s a concentration. Also though, having a minor or two shows any potential employer that you can go above and beyond the norm and take on extra projects and assignments. It looks damn good on a resume. 😉 Another thing the minoring does is tell people that you have an interest in that particular subject that is stronger than the “general requirements”. There are several reasons that I want to minor in a subject, but the main ones are to bulk up my credentials and have a few extra tools in my bag. 😉 If you get used to the extra work load in school- you’ll be used to doing that when it happens on the job, and it will happen. This is one reason why I’ve added a year of Substance Abuse onto my degree now- it’s a certification, but I’ve crammed an extra year into it so I’m already getting myself used to the extra work. (Some people cave in under pressure, but it’s actually when I’m at my best.) Speaking of which, today, I have a midterm exam- 40 calculus problems, and over 100 pages to read. Yeah! Hope you have a great day, M&M, and I hope things are going well with your husband’s job situation! xo

      June 16, 2013 at 2:15 pm


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s