photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

The Show Must go On

It’s 2:10 a.m. and the rain is gently falling. My graduation rehearsal is tomorrow and I won’t be going. 

I’ve been hit by an infection train, and now I’m hacking up green stuff. I’ve had it for over a week now. A woman at a buffet hacked and coughed all over the food, spraying me in the process, and two days later it was pretty rough sailing! Fast forward 4 days, I went to the bathroom and it felt like I was peeing glass. I know that feeling; I’ve been here before. The bronchial infection in my lungs has caused the infection to go systemic, triggering the (UTI) Urinary Track infection that grew so bad, it too contained puss. (That’s a first.) I’ve never been hit so hard in my life! This is a beast. My head is swimmy and I am coughing almost constantly. Most people would be in bed, barely moving, believing they are “sick”, but I don’t like that word, so I claim other words (like “infection”, etc.) I think when we use words like “sick”, the behavior follows. 

I tell my body that I am merely battling an infection and I can still go about my day as usual. So, I believe myself. That said, I still have to make wise decisions and not inject myself into a cluster of 1,000 people in a performing arts center. Not a chance. So yes, after 4 long years of college (1 at community- 3 at the University) I won’t be attending my graduation. 

Here’s a rundown of my day:

Morning: hack, cough, rest, take care of pets, take out trash, sweep hallway and bathroom floor
Midday: Mom brings over my car (hers was broken down) and so I drop her off at her house, then go grocery shopping ($200 of food/not a small amount to be lugging around), two other stores, return home
Late afternoon: Put on classical music, clean living room, take care of pets, drink Ruby Red grapefruit juice and lots of chicken broth (take vitamins), + ginger shooter
Early evening: Head back out into the rain (bundled up like an Eskimo) go to doctor’s appointment, then Rite Aid’s to fill prescription of mega-strong antibiotics.
9:30 p.m. Come home, do dishes, disinfect entire kitchen, take out trash again- scrub out fridge with bleach-water and soap, put away groceries.
11:00: take care of pets, make big pot of homemade chicken soup + hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows
Midnight: Bundle up, head over to Mom’s house with chicken soup and hot chocolate for her and my brother.
12:30 a.m.: Settle down with warm chicken soup, a clean house, happy animals, medicine, and my remote.

Yeah. I’m Superwoman…I know.  :0) 

I don’t sit around waiting to “feel sick”. I work through things in life that would make many other people collapse, such as the killer 3 day migraines I’ve had for several years now. When you have to clean the house and go grocery shopping (or write a 5 page analysis or research paper) when your head is splitting open and you’re almost vomiting from pain- yeah. You can live through pretty much anything!

So this is a cake walk in comparison. Even though my circumstances are “trying” at best, right now, I’m super happy. 🙂 I feel like I’m FREE. Josh and I are no more and I’ll refrain from speaking of him here. This blog was meant (and still is) as a documentary-type account of my life. He’s no longer in my life, and I can accept that. No tears, no grief- actually, it’s quite the opposite!

I’m happy and am in control of my life again. I’ve been bouncing around today because I feel light at heart; what a great feeling! Where have you been old friend? I have the next month to do what I like on my down time, before my spring classes start. 

There will be lots of Judge Judy, bad hair, and funky PJ’s involved.

Who knows, I might even relax a little. :0) 

16 responses

  1. bipolarbarbieq

    I can’t wait for break either 🙂

    December 6, 2013 at 5:40 am

    • It’s pure Heaven, Barb. Waking up in the morning without all of that pressure, loafing around in my jammies, etc. Life is very good right now. :0) Then it all starts over in a month! I’ll be going right back into the ring for degree # 2 in Social Work, while simultaneously working on another CPC- this time in Community Rehab. I’m finding out that I LOVE being a student. (Yes, I really did just say that. heheh…)

      December 6, 2013 at 10:01 am

  2. samiclara

    You really are Superwoman! How do you manage to fit that all in just one day? hehe

    P.S Sorry you’ll be missing your graduation. That really sucks. You mention that it’s the rehearsal. Does this mean you’ll still be able to go the main one?

    I hope the infection leaves you soon!

    With love,

    December 6, 2013 at 7:05 am

    • No, unfortunately, the graduation ceremony is the following day, and it’s all 187 miles away. it all worked out for the best in the end though. I checked my school email yesterday and there was a bad winter storm warning in the city I was supposed to drive to; they said it’s really bad. Now,m, combine that bad storm/icy roads, etc. with an overcrowded area due to graduation + me, in this condition: that’s a recipe for disaster. Something really awful could have happened! So, I can be thankful that this bronchial infection stopped me altogether. I’ll get to go to my next one. ;0) As always, thanks, Sami. xo

      December 6, 2013 at 10:05 am

      • Sami Clara

        Aaaw, it honestly does sound best that you’re missing it. And yes, there is always the next one! 😉

        You like studying, eh? I wish I could be a student for life. I just might yet!

        I absolutely hated my graduation from uni though. I didn’t like the finality of it all.

        ❤ Wishing you all the best. ❤

        December 6, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      • Sami, I think you should consider going all the way with it. Get a Psy.D in Psychology. The reason I say that, rather than Psychiatry, is because psychiatrists study not only the mind and its inner workings, but medicine also. (Blah, right?) Given your unique make-up, I think you would make an excellent psychologist- not the pen and pad of paper-carrying one with funny glasses and a paisley decorated couch, but perhaps a freelancer. You could break up your field of expertise in a multiple of ways; give seminars, contribute your writings to medical and psychiatric journals; work with abused kids, etc. so they have a fair shot in life- there are so many ways you can change the world and those around you, especially with a direct insight into what doctors lack: personal experience. You’ve already got it so you have a terrific advantage over those who don’t. :0) Make top grades and the doors will open for scholarships. Academics LOVE success stories, and especially ones that are truly triumphant.

        When I first started my journey studying Behavioral Sciences, I thought I was learning things that would help me to help others. The joke was really on me, because I learned so much about myself that no doctor or therapist could ever give me. I was able to apply psychological perspectives to my personal behaviors and once they had names, definitions, and categories, I was able to get to work on some dusty old rooms that had “Out of Order” signs hanging on them for years. I had no idea these courses would actually “become my therapist”, but that’s exactly what’s happened. Because we’re SO much alike- like two carbon copies- I know that if you were to pursue a Psy.D in Psychology, your story would become so very powerful. It already is, but by reaching for such a goal and pushing forward, always, you’re showing others that IT CAN BE DONE. That changes lives.

        I may do the same thing. :0)

        December 6, 2013 at 1:41 pm

  3. So glad to read you are in a good place. Enjoy the jammy-wearing and reboot for another kick-ass semester. And yes, you are Superwoman!

    December 6, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    • Thanks, Jenifer. :0) And yes, it’s good to be in a good place for a bit! I want to thank you because it was hard for me to be excluded from my entire family on Thanksgiving (4 siblings, Mom, etc.) -you know the games people play, especially family (like, not inviting another sibling but inviting evvvvverybody else? Right.) After reading your beautifully written Thanksgiving love story which you compared to The Last Supper, I felt included. (Wow, that’s really sad, isn’t it? Haha…) But seriously, you’re a great writer and you’re able to create a scene that envelopes the reader, transporting him or her to YOUR world. I felt submerged in the atmosphere and it lifted my heart. I will always think of that on Thanksgiving from now on, and the love at your table with so many colourful people! Thanks again for sharing that. ;0) xo

      December 6, 2013 at 1:51 pm

  4. You have been working so hard of late, that I’m not surprised you became ill (and I hope you are much better now?). I’ve noticed from my own world, that if I have pressing deadlines and projects, etc…that I almost will my way through things and when it’s over and feel like I can relax…that’s when the microbes catch up with me. Sorry you are missing your official graduation ceremony, but suspect that life has provided other “graduation” opportunities.

    December 7, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    • You know, Al, it’s funny. There’s a massive snowstorm going on in Vincennes, Indiana, where the graduation is to be held. It’s so bad they actually cancelled the rehearsal (which would have been yesterday) altogether. It’s yet to be seen if they go through with the ceremony today or if that will be cancelled too.

      I haven’t been “sick” in 7 years. No flu, no chest cold- nothing, My immune system is like steel! (I think this is from going barefooted, even in the snow, fort many years. I’ve built up my mitochondria to a heightened level because of that- not unlike Coty Lundine.) I know why I got this bacterial infection (upper respiratory) so quickly, and that’s because I was eating at a buffet, and a woman stood behind me hacking and coughing- not a few times- but repeatedly for over two minutes. She sprayed the entire area, including my food, myself, and others at the table. I’m not the only one who was hit with this as a result. It takes a LOT for me to get sick on any level, so that’s a testament to just how sick she was.

      I understands what you’re saying about the microbes charging in when your defenses are finally down. It makes sense, as it’s the adrenaline that pushes us through our work sometimes (sympathetic nervous system/even on a mild level) and when we can finally relax, our bodies are being restored to their natural homeostasis (parasympathetic nervous system) and our walls of defense are lowered considerably.

      And yes, I may have missed my formal graduation, but I do feel that I have graduated from other areas. That’s a good way of putting it, Al. :0)

      December 7, 2013 at 1:29 pm

  5. I am sorry you will not be able to go to your graduation but it never stops amazing me how our lives seem to be taking similar paths. I’m going on 8 weeks now of bronchitis. My graduation was the 20th of this month. Up until last week I told myself I was going to push through it and get to that damn graduation. My grandparents already bought their plane ticket and are flying out to see my aunt so they can go to it. Right before my aunt bought by ticket, thank you lord, she called me to ask a question about name on my license. She heard how sick I was and that I was going back to the doctor that day. Decided to wait to buy ticket. When I went to the doctor for a second time, they put me on different strong inhaler and cough medicine that knocked me on my face. Said I had bacterial bronchitis which is why I was not responding to antibiotic. (I think that’s right or did they say viral?…whichever one does NOT respond to meds). The layout of your day above sounds just about my days lately. One day I swear to god I was in bed the ENTIRE day drooling into a pillow. I was that drugged from cough medicine. Decided I just can’t make this graduation thing happen. It would have been great and I wanted to give my granddad that moment. But physically, the thought of getting on a plane, traveling, then traveling from upstate VA to Norfolk, VA made me want to pre order a casket. Look at it like this, your goal of completing college was not to go to a celebration. Hell, we can celebrate any time with a few beers (I just typed bears on accident……clearly im tired) and Judge Judy hahah. We completed all those unbelievably long, many of them pointless, and frustrating classes. We both should be incredibly proud. Walking across a stage or not does in no way take away from what we did. ❤

    December 8, 2013 at 9:28 pm

    • I can’t disagree with you at all, Jen. We’ve really been through it together, eh? I’m so sorry to hear about that crazy bronchial infection that’s been ripping away at you- eek. Mine lasted for two weeks and then my (immune system of steel) kicked it out. I’ll tell you what’s helped me tremendously. I walked, exercised, cleaned the house and worked continuously throughout my “illness”. I told my body that I wasn’t sick, just “feeling icky for a bit” and it responded. Start telling yourself you’re not sick-I know it sounds crazy but it’s incredibly powerful. Get up, move around, sweep the floors, dust the furniture- keep moving and sweat out the toxins. I’m 100 recuperated. took a daily dose of straight green tea, cayenne and ginger- I live by those 3 things- daily.

      Anyway- I’ll be back up and running in 2 weeks. I miss you! Hang in there, Champ. 😉 I hope you have a great Christmas! xoxo

      December 16, 2013 at 1:49 pm

  6. Yay!!!! So glad you are feeling light hearted despite the physical hacking! Here’s to feeling light hearted and funky PJ’s!

    December 9, 2013 at 11:21 am

    • Hey hey, Amy! I’ll be away for 2 more weeks. (Latest post explains.) I hope you’re well! Miss you VERY much and, I hope you have a great Christmas. 😉 xoxo

      December 16, 2013 at 1:44 pm

  7. Bummer that you missed your graduation but I’m glad you’re not letting it keep you down! I become absolutely pathetic when I’m sick… I could definitely steal some plays from your book. For all our sakes…

    December 10, 2013 at 10:26 pm

  8. Hey girl hope you are ok! I haven’t heard anything from you in these past few days. Hopefully you still have the internet and that the plague of death has left your house…my friend who lived with me always used to call my bronchitis that. It sounds like surely I will not make it out alive before the coughing fits are over lol ❤ Just thinking about ya and hope ur ok!

    December 14, 2013 at 3:56 am


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