Call me Dr. Lindsey
Well, not quite yet, of course.
I have a long way to go. But I have it in my scope and it’s on my horizon. I don’t know how I’ve always known that one day I’ll be a doctor. When I was in Nursing (20 years ago), I was a top med. student (Phi Theta Kappa) and found out that I was really good in school. Who knew? I was an awful student in high school, elementary, and probably even kindergarten. But a destructive home life (and excessive abuse) played its heavy hand in my poor academics. I was traumatized year after year, because I had to live with the person who molested me. That wasn’t easy. Let’s just say I wasn’t given the same shot as others in life, starting out.
But perhaps this is why I’m so driven to succeed. I’m destined to be a success because I feel it. Just because I’m not who I want to be “right now” doesn’t mean that I won’t become who I know God is carving me out to be. He’s already shown me what my potential is: I just have to do the work. When the time comes- He’ll open the doors.
So I’ve decided to move in the direction of my greatest passion of all- even greater than photography and singing: criminal profiling. That’s right: I want to be the one who stalks the serial killers. This June I’ll be starting on my BA in Forensic Psychology, and then my goal is to work on my MA in Forensic Psychology and ultimately, my doctorate.
I suppose my childhood had something to do with my interest in criminology. My Dad used to read True Detective magazines- religiously. He was a single parent and was concerned about some of us kids roaming the streets. He wanted to show us what the world was really like. So, he sat my brothers and me down and shared with us the stories of many unfortunate women. The pics were in black and white and so the bloody crime scenes were particularly disturbing because the smeared blood was a hideous thick black. It altered the way I viewed things: I was 7, 8, 9 and 10.
For years we saw those photos: women who’d been mutilated, decapitated, and “posed” by their killer intentionally, to leave a message for the police. It was the killer’s calling card. Now I won’t agree with this style of parenting- it’s extreme. But I will say, it worked, because every time I thought about hitching a ride or getting in someone’s car, I saw those grizzly crime scenes: no doubt it saved my life many times.
When I was a teenager, I read every serial killer book I could get my hands on: Gacy, Bundy, The Green River Killer, Son of Sam, Richard Ramirez (the Night Stalker), TBK killer- the list is very long. For the next 20 years I studied criminology on my own, and for my own interest. I learned about luminol and other forensic applications, crime scenes, basic protocol, and various other areas of investigative work. Even now, the majority of all of the shows I watch are true crime: ID TV: Investigative Discovery.
I always knew I wanted to be a doctor, but not a medical one. And, I’ve always wanted to be a scientist, but not one who studies genes. Now I see clearly the direction I want to go in and the direction I’ve been prepping for my whole life: Forensic Psychology, also known as, criminal profiling.
The dog bite on my right ring finger recently was a blessing in disguise. Because I was unable to type for weeks, I had to hand write all of my notes out. And still I do. I have folders that are full of my note-taking and studies in my courses: it’s caused me to be able to retain almost all of my work.
I’m excited about this new direction I’m taking. it’s fairly common to fishtail around for the first few years in school and I’ve done my share of it, but I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life. This is right for me.
I’m 44 years old. My goal is to get my doctorate before I’m 50. It’s a lofty goal! But I’m dedicated.
Things are going great with Josh too. (This week.) We’ve decided to remain amicable (and VERY platonic) for the duration of the next few months. I’m so close to buying my own home! We’ve decided to have separate homes but remain in each others lives and help support each other in our scholastic endeavors. I want to be a profiler, he wants to build airplanes and fly them. I’m encouraging him to move in the direction of aerospace engineering. He’s got a brilliant mind and he’s without a doubt one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever known.
So I’m off to finish up a karyotyping/meiosis assignment in Biology. I’ve been reinstated in my Intro. to Social Work class which is good, but that means that I now have to knock out 4 months of work in only two. I’ve got this. 😉
m o n o c h r o m e j u n k i e † 
Damn & double damn woman, my absolute DREAM job is Criminal Profiling. For as long as I can remember I’ve pored over everything I can find about those same killers and more, If there is a True Crime show on you can guarantee I’ll be watching it. I’m 11 years behind you age-wise so that at least gives me hope that it’s not too late 🙂 xx
March 31, 2014 at 5:13 pm
Hey, it’s never too late! I dropped out of college 22 years ago and was convinced that I could never go back. I knew I was supposed to get my doctorate and thought it was gone forever, really. I never saw myself going back until my daughter, Heidi, did it. She’s the reason I decided to return.
But yes, it’s never too late to follow your heart and your dreams. You have more wisdom now than you did in your 20’s, you know? So you’re able to bring much more to the table than a lot of “fresh out of high school” graduates. We’ve both been slaughtered with a hideous amount of physical pain. Hopefully, I can be a source of inspiration for you that YOU CAN DO IT. Despite all of the physiological setbacks, yeah? You can do it. Always know and believe that. xo
March 31, 2014 at 5:42 pm
Sheesh!! I can barely catch my breath here!! Why am I not surprised? B you are in a category of your own and yes you can do this. You can do anything and you blow my mind! Wow. you are amazing and I am very glad you locked in to true direction. Sometimes it is a series of clicks until it all lines up. Huge smile for you (and Josh too) :))) xo
March 31, 2014 at 5:15 pm
Thanks, Y. :0) I’ll share something with you that’s really quite funny. When Josh was here last, we were talking about the Arizona desert. I was telling him that I could feel my destiny and I knew that Arizona was in the cards. I just didn’t know how or when, but I could see the outline. Not the big picture, but a distinct outline and Arizona was in it. I’ve always wanted to go to Arizona. My dream place. :0) A place in the desert. (Sigh…) And so I told him that for 20 years I’ve wanted to go. Numerous times I’ve wanted to take a vacation there- it just never played out that way. So last week, I was praying and asking God if this was “doable”, and if I had His blessing. His reply was quick and solid: “I’ve got your back. Go for it!” When you KNOW 100% that you have God’s blessing on something, it’s a done deal and really, nothing can stop you, short of death. So I started researching the highest pay in the U.S. for Forensic Psychologists. It’s in Arizona. 😉 The starting pay with 0 experience is $42,000. If you have a doctorate: $60,000-$70,000 annually.
He (God) also told me that I need to go from “Spanish speaking” to fully fluent and bilingual in Spanish. I’ve also wanted to go to Puerto Rico (forever), and so perhaps that’s in my future as well. I have good feelings about this though and I’m pumped up like never before.
Back to meiosis! Love ya. 😉
March 31, 2014 at 5:38 pm
Yay for you!
I had similar parenting btw, half of my family is in criminology, and my uncle would always show me photos of crime scenes. it is scary because kids at school were talking about teletubies and me how a brain looks smeared on a car seat 😛 I also have tons of books on serial killers and my husband literaly deleted Investigation Discovery from the TV 😀
And yes, YOU CAN DO IT! 😀
March 31, 2014 at 5:23 pm
Oh crap. What good is cable TV without the ID channel?! You know, O, we have so many similarities it’s really quite something. I appreciate your nod of confidence, big time. Also, I’m not surprised at all that you have a thing for criminology as well. I should have called that one! Heheh…
March 31, 2014 at 5:29 pm
You have BubbleMail. I didn’t think it would fit here. LOL
April 1, 2014 at 12:54 pm
Very exciting! You can do it, I’m KNOW this. isn’t it funny how the signs are there when we’re younger, even if we don’t figure it out until we’re older? Same thing happened to me. One day I was like….AHA, I’m supposed to write!
good luck with everything! Looking forward to going on the journey with you!
April 2, 2014 at 6:34 pm
Aww thanks, Beth. :0) Yes, you’re definitely supposed to write. Not all writers are “storytellers”, but you certainly are. In fact, you’re one of the best story tellers I’ve read. You have that “thing” that you just can’t learn in school. Thanks for popping in. 😉
April 3, 2014 at 9:30 am
What a huge compliment coming from you. You’ve filled my lil writer’s soul today. 🙂
April 3, 2014 at 11:53 am
Well I tell you, you (and Aussa) are really hard to beat, and I hate to compare but you’re both very similar in style and I really do put you two in a league of your own. I really didn’t think Aussa could even find an equal until I read your stuff. I could imagine both of you writing a script together. (“Hmmm…”) Or a screenplay. ;0)
April 4, 2014 at 4:27 pm
I think this direction is PERFECT for you. It describes everything you are passionate about. If you love your career field, you will always stick with it. I used to read books like you mentioned above. Then I started dating a cop and just completely stopped because I think reading things like that made murder all the more real. And I didn’t want to focus on what could happen while he was at his job. But I completely understand your fascination with it. I had to laugh at your dad showing you stuff like that at that young of an age!! I’m sure that was a huge shock. It reminded me of movie Taking Lives how Angelina would stare at those pictures above her bed of dead people lol. I applaud you for your determination and never giving up, even when I know everything In you wanted too. Hang in there girl. I miss so much being in school.
April 16, 2014 at 9:07 pm
Hey you! :0) How much time are you taking off from school? You and I are doing this school thing together, remember? So uh…hurry on up and get back in there. 😉
I’m pretty excited about the Criminal Justice thing: I want to work with derailed youth who haven’t yet discovered their potential. My goal is to redirect them over to something useful before they’re shuffled through the system and end up at the other end of the criminal justice spectrum: parole. If I can make an impression on youngsters, it’ll be enough. How’ve you been?! I’ve missed you!
April 17, 2014 at 11:53 pm