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Posts tagged “Biology

Changing Lanes: The Trilogy

Ole Betsy’s been dead since about last year. (Ole Betsy’s my car.) My sister gave it to me 5 years ago because she thought it would kick the bucket any day. I expected her to last a year or so. Certainly not 4 & 1/2! She overheats at the 2 mile marker, so when Josh and I risk taking her out for a spin, we have to turn it off at the stoplights- you know- just in case.

I’m still able to smile at the (semi-romantic) notion of driving such an eyesore around town when I think about how great it’s going to be one of these days. And one of these days is about 8 years from now. I’ve gone and changed my majors again.

See, I was going to be a probation officer and so thought about taking Criminal Justice + Psychology (double major). But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m forever bonded with CSI and forensics, given that my Dad shared his True Detective magazines with me and my brothers- sparing not the eye at all. Some of the images branded me for life: I suppose that’s why I feel such a connection with criminology and forensics, etc. You’re either cut out for that stuff or you’re not and I certainly am.

I know without a doubt that I’ll be in school for the next 6 years solid. It’s not likely that I’ll get a B.S./B. A. in anything at all and hop right to it. Nah. I’m going to jump in up to both eyeballs, as is my way. So, I’ll be double majoring in Biology and Psychology (which is actually Neuroscience/neuropsychology) which suits me just fine. Afterwards, I’m hoping to transfer to the University of Florida where I can work on a Master’s in Forensic Science.

If you think Forensic Science can be achieved with just “college algebra”- think again. You have to master Calculus (I and II) as well as Chemistry (I and II) and let’s not forget Physics. (I and II) Not for the faint of heart!

I shared my grand academic plan with Josh earlier. It only took his two-word reply to make me shudder, “Imaginary numbers,” he said.

Yep. That did the trick!

“What is I?” He went on.

I stared back stupidly.

“I is the square root of negative one. There is no square root of negative one which is why they call it an imaginary number,” he finished.

Right.

I certainly have my work cut out for me, but if I can actually pull this off, I’m fairly certain that I will have found my calling after all.

Back to Betsy. She’s been really good to me while I’ve had her but I’m afraid I’ll have to trade her in this fall. When I’m combining grocery trips with photo shoot (opportunities) because she’ll only go two miles- that’s pretty much my cue to get a new one.

Josh, leaning against a stranger’s car outside of the grocery store- taken today/Helios film 44-2

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Same car
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Ambien: Breakfast of Champions

My day started off with me getting higher than a mug.

I’ll explain. Since beginning my antihistimine regimen (1/4 of a tablet every few days), my sinusitis has been minimal and I no longer am struck with debilitating two and three day migraines. I’m down to bare bones; my Phenergan (antihistimine) prescription has lasted me for almost a year: That’s pretty good. I needed to take my 1/4 of one this morning, as I could feel my throat beginning to scratch up- head swelling, like a sock-stuffed pressure cooker, and I could tell I had about a 30 minute window. I grabbed my bottle on my dresser and saw the pill niblet inside: I threw it down with a swig of black coffee and started my day.

Fast forward thirty minutes. I had already taken my cayenne/maple syrup/lemon “Master Cleanse shot”, and had tended to the animals- changing litter and feeding the kitties. I set out soon after to relax in my bedroom recliner with a few Biology assignments and my laptop. As I made my way down the hallway, I began to feel woozy; I actually had to stop and hold up the wall.

I noticed my thoughts were a little scattered which is very unusual for me. I was a daydreamer as a child and could stare off for minutes at a time, lost in my own little world, but that was 30 years ago! I have razor sharp focus and photographic memory to boot: I can retain 40+ pages of reading/study material with fairly accurate recall (which helps in my schoolwork a great deal).

That said, I was staring at my screen thinking of wild Parisian feather hats and blue ribbons with period pieces. It didn’t help that I was actually supposed to be studying the scientific method and variables and such! I snapped myself back to my work and tried to adjust my eyes as the environment grew thick and syrruppy, but not at all unpleasant. And then it dawned on me: I was higher than a kite! I retraced my steps and carefully went through my morning, trying to figure out how I had accidentally gotten myself good and high.

And I was sort of sleepy too. Things were actually funny (as in, haha funny) and I felt as if I had taken a Xanax, had a glass of wine, smoked a few puffs from a fatty and even took a small nibble of acid. It wasn’t just “weed high”, no…I was Alice in Wonderland high. Just as I caught myself snickering a bit, I reminded myself, “Hello! You have assignments due today! How are you going to do scientific research when you’re tripping balls?!”

“Ih…good point, me.”

I forced my eyes open and swigged more black coffee. It became increasingly clear that I would not be doing any schoolwork in the next few hours. How did I get high? What in the world?

And then I remembered putting my 1/2 an Ambien in my Phenergan bottle. The 1/2 of an Ambien was from last month’s prescription. (There was a night when I didn’t take a whole one and needed to put the remainder in a bottle.) The mystery had been solved: I had taken a freaking Ambien!

Oh dear God, this couldn’t be happening.

And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why it’s never a good idea to procrastinate with your schoolwork. I stared off at the wall- totally at peace with the fact that I was going down in a burning plane- because well…I was high. I looked at my laptop clock and timed out five hours, deducing that if a whole Ambien lasts eight hours, 1/2 would last four or five, reasonably. That’s right, I apparently even schedule “high time”. So I closed my laptop, crawled back into bed with my dog, and sunk into pure silky bliss for the next few hours.

Fast forward three hours.

Nope. Still not happening!
Back to bed. I’ve never in my life done schoolwork “high” and I wasn’t going to start now.

Fast forward two more hours.
After chugging more black coffee and eating a few bites, I was refreshed and unhigh enough to be able to knock out a five page Biology assignment, along with a Podcast report and a good bit of reading.

Now that’s what I call higher education.  
Pah tah bomp.

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