Ambien: Breakfast of Champions
My day started off with me getting higher than a mug.
I’ll explain. Since beginning my antihistimine regimen (1/4 of a tablet every few days), my sinusitis has been minimal and I no longer am struck with debilitating two and three day migraines. I’m down to bare bones; my Phenergan (antihistimine) prescription has lasted me for almost a year: That’s pretty good. I needed to take my 1/4 of one this morning, as I could feel my throat beginning to scratch up- head swelling, like a sock-stuffed pressure cooker, and I could tell I had about a 30 minute window. I grabbed my bottle on my dresser and saw the pill niblet inside: I threw it down with a swig of black coffee and started my day.
Fast forward thirty minutes. I had already taken my cayenne/maple syrup/lemon “Master Cleanse shot”, and had tended to the animals- changing litter and feeding the kitties. I set out soon after to relax in my bedroom recliner with a few Biology assignments and my laptop. As I made my way down the hallway, I began to feel woozy; I actually had to stop and hold up the wall.
I noticed my thoughts were a little scattered which is very unusual for me. I was a daydreamer as a child and could stare off for minutes at a time, lost in my own little world, but that was 30 years ago! I have razor sharp focus and photographic memory to boot: I can retain 40+ pages of reading/study material with fairly accurate recall (which helps in my schoolwork a great deal).
That said, I was staring at my screen thinking of wild Parisian feather hats and blue ribbons with period pieces. It didn’t help that I was actually supposed to be studying the scientific method and variables and such! I snapped myself back to my work and tried to adjust my eyes as the environment grew thick and syrruppy, but not at all unpleasant. And then it dawned on me: I was higher than a kite! I retraced my steps and carefully went through my morning, trying to figure out how I had accidentally gotten myself good and high.
And I was sort of sleepy too. Things were actually funny (as in, haha funny) and I felt as if I had taken a Xanax, had a glass of wine, smoked a few puffs from a fatty and even took a small nibble of acid. It wasn’t just “weed high”, no…I was Alice in Wonderland high. Just as I caught myself snickering a bit, I reminded myself, “Hello! You have assignments due today! How are you going to do scientific research when you’re tripping balls?!”
“Ih…good point, me.”
I forced my eyes open and swigged more black coffee. It became increasingly clear that I would not be doing any schoolwork in the next few hours. How did I get high? What in the world?
And then I remembered putting my 1/2 an Ambien in my Phenergan bottle. The 1/2 of an Ambien was from last month’s prescription. (There was a night when I didn’t take a whole one and needed to put the remainder in a bottle.) The mystery had been solved: I had taken a freaking Ambien!
Oh dear God, this couldn’t be happening.
And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why it’s never a good idea to procrastinate with your schoolwork. I stared off at the wall- totally at peace with the fact that I was going down in a burning plane- because well…I was high. I looked at my laptop clock and timed out five hours, deducing that if a whole Ambien lasts eight hours, 1/2 would last four or five, reasonably. That’s right, I apparently even schedule “high time”. So I closed my laptop, crawled back into bed with my dog, and sunk into pure silky bliss for the next few hours.
Fast forward three hours.
Nope. Still not happening!
Back to bed. I’ve never in my life done schoolwork “high” and I wasn’t going to start now.
Fast forward two more hours.
After chugging more black coffee and eating a few bites, I was refreshed and unhigh enough to be able to knock out a five page Biology assignment, along with a Podcast report and a good bit of reading.
Now that’s what I call higher education.
Pah tah bomp.
m o n o c h r o m e j u n k i e † 
O MY!!! You are the coolest calmest day tripper ever!! Good for you that you figured it out n handled it so well! Onward and upward!!! :)) x
January 23, 2014 at 9:15 am
I remember life back when my days started with wake and bakes, and, at any moment I could pull a QB out of my bra. But that was back in the day! Ha…I’m so rusty, I was like, “WTH am I supposed to do LIKE THIS?” But as I was telling Oloriel, it was a good break. God obviously thought so too, and I was sure to thank Him for it. ;0)
January 23, 2014 at 12:34 pm
Oh my… I would love to hear of dream adventures if you had any! And that last line really cracked me uP! I hope everything goes well with the assignement!
January 23, 2014 at 10:12 am
I was straight tripping, O. (And no complaints here!) For the last two hours of the ordeal, I was lying on my bed “hover-floating” in a surreal plane of semi-consciousness. It was a beautiful thing! Every thought felt pure; no inner turmoil on any level and every atom of every cell was at peace with everything around it. Pure bliss. :0)
(I hammered out all of my work after it wore off, despite tripping through clouds. It was good to actually “get high” again. I don’t have the guilt associated with “trying to be high”, seeing how it was a freak-accident, but, even so, it was good to be put on “mandatory shut down” and not feel like I have to accomplish 50 things per day. It was a nice break. :0)
January 23, 2014 at 12:31 pm
Nice! I’m reading your blog instead of listening to my lecture on cardiac rhythms/interpretations 🙂 I’ve never taken Ambien. I imagine Ativan would be my drug of choice. Does it give you crazy dreams?
January 23, 2014 at 2:25 pm
And I’m reading your reply instead of munching on 25 pages of Social Work Practices! (But aren’t I practicing social work by replying?) ;0)
And no, Ambien doesn’t induce night terrors or bad dreams: just the opposite. (Ativan is equally pleasant, but while Ativan is in the Benzo. drug class, Ambien is in the Hypnotic class which is waaaay different. Ambien is the #1 prescribed sleep medication and there’s a reason it’s $300 for 30 of them. That’s 10 bucks a pop. I take full advantage of good sleep, believe me, and make sure that I’m always in bed, fan on, and light OUT when I take it. You don’t want to be caught brushing your teeth or doing last minute things when that thing kicks in, trust me. You’ll find yourself on another planet FAST. The transition is pleasantly mellow though and I liken it to blasting off into tranquility loudly.)
January 23, 2014 at 2:49 pm
I will have to tell my patients this as I hand them their sleeping pills. “This will take you to another planet…” lol
January 27, 2014 at 1:23 pm
Absolutely. And it will! I’m used to being in bed, eyes closed, fan on- already in shut down mode when it kicks in so- I don’t know when it hits me most of the time. I take it as prescribed to knock my but OUT. So yeah, it got super trippy the other morning when I was expecting to feel alert, the coffee kicking in- vitamins freshly taken, you know, “starting my day”. Suddenly, being very stoned (seemingly, out of nowhere) really threw me for a loop! But it wasn’t a bad experience. ;0)
heheh…
January 27, 2014 at 1:30 pm
This really cracked me up!!! I’ve taken Ambien before in the past. I believe I used to hallucinate with it. That shit makes you feel so high that you can see noises. My grandmother used to take it and would report that her blanket was moving around. As much as I hate being sick, I must admit that when I do get drugged up to that point I can make some excellent posts. Something about being high feels amazing lol. And I don’t even do illegal drugs hahahaha. Which is probably a very good thing as I see addiction in my near future!!!!
January 27, 2014 at 10:49 pm
Jen, you are so funny- haa. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while:
“Which is probably a very good thing as I see addiction in my near future!!!!”
Haha! I haven’t been high in so long I forgot what it felt like! But can anybody really complain about “accidentally getting high”? No complaints here. It forced me to shut everything down, completely, both environmentally and mentally. (Good place to visit but wouldn’t want to live there. ;0) It’s 1:33 a.m. and I decided to pick up some Valerian Root. (Are you familiar with it?) It’s called “Nature’s Valium”. Actual valium is waaaay too strong for me- my system is super sensitive, so valerian root is a great all-natural alternative. I’m experimenting on myself (as I usually am in some form or other) and with held taking my Ambien tonight. I’m so sleepy right now I can barely keep my eyes open! Valerian Root is super relaxing. Check into it! ;0) x
January 28, 2014 at 1:37 am
I’ve never heard of that before? Where do I get it and is it a pill? lol! I may need to try this. I have issues with sleeping. Is it stronger or less strong than ambien?
January 28, 2014 at 11:57 am
Oh no, valerian doesn’t even come close to Ambien. The difference is, if you’re awake when your Ambien kicks in, you’re going to find yourself in your own movie, which could be a comedy, or drama, depending on your state of mind- but make no mistake- you’re going to have your script FLIPPED. It’ll knock you sideways and force to to shut everything down and fast (which is the good thing about Ambien. It works!), But valerian root, on the other hand, will make you feel calm, sedated, and pleasantly drowsy. It’s not a hypnotic like Ambien, so there’s no major shift in your state of reality, you’re just relaxed, naturally.
Another benefit of valerian is that it’s all natural and not pharmaceutically manufactured. You can pick it up at Kroger, Walmart, and any health food store. Get some, it’s good stuff! (you can research it online too- Google.)
January 28, 2014 at 2:32 pm
Also a very good lesson on why you shouldn’t mix meds in different containers!
January 30, 2014 at 1:01 pm
Oh, I’ve mixed stuff for years. Normally, I would never want to be “surprised stoned” but this was a nice break!
No complaints here. ;0)
February 1, 2014 at 4:04 am