Agoraphobic temptations. SP.
How a single girl like me (who doesn’t even have a Facebook- or a boyfriend) has man trouble is beyond me- but honey, I got ’em!
And I ain’t complaining. 🙂
Too much time alone isn’t good for the soul.
And on that note, today’s catch:
Is it just me, or is there an Indian’s face in those trees?
For the first time in many weeks, it’s quiet here. It’s 3:14 a.m. and I really have no business being up at this time of night; tomorrow’s a school day- in more ways than one. I’m home-schooling my nephew, Johnboy, now. He comes over 3 times per week and we put in about 30 hours weekly. I won’t say where he was academically before I took over, but he’s making great progress and he’s got the grades to prove it. 🙂 Before we began, I made him an irresistible proposition: I offered to buy him a cell phone if he wrote me a report on any book from the library that was 300 pages or more. Over the next few weeks, he cultivated a careful 3 page report on Malcom X and I made good on my promise.
There are other incentives! Such as this:
I made him his favourite pie (cherry) the other day. It looks a little beat up, but it did the trick. 😉 (I also made 2 salted caramel chocolate pumpkin cheesecakes and homemade red pepper and roasted garlic chickpea hummus. It was to die for!)
Earlier this evening, things got a little out of hand, as they usually do, and Josh and I parted ways. I really hope it’s for good this time. I’m exhausted from the emotional chaos and I deal with conflict in a calm, peaceful way the majority of the time. I usually just “go away”. I like my quiet time where I can reflect and collect myself (and talk
to with God). But these past few days, I’ve felt this raging sea boiling up in me, because that’s what’s been unleashed on me for weeks now. I just reached my breaking point- I really did. Thankfully, Josh left, taking his things with him.
It’s been hard lately, but I’m eager to explore this new chapter in my life! Even a year ago, the thought of living my life as a single woman was daunting, but I lived the whole winter “manless” and got by just fine. Sure, it was pretty rough sailing for a while! And I was heartbroken. But what I feel now is actually relief. I’ve waited a really long time to be able to focus on me and actually begin a career. (Or, begin to begin a career.)
And now I’m there. I don’t need anyone screwing that up for me! I want to be alone for a good long while. I don’t feel sad at all, but I’m sure those days are coming. Pain is inevitable. I’m just at the very beginning of it all when denial is still at its peak and everything is “just spiffy”. But the gray days are coming.
I’m going to be alright though. I’ve come to a new place where I enjoy solitude- not only enjoy it, but crave it.
I think I’m actually growing up.
Purple stripes upon my back
As fat as a Christmas Goose
To feed hungry eyes
The air around me whirs and dirs.
On the horizon
A fat noose
Hangs from a Sycamore tree
And it seems to say
”Run faster, girl! Run on!
There will be no celebration for you here!”
So I carry on through these black nights
And dark days
That will bring me to my home
So I’m looking at my standard kit lens here. No, it’s not the 17-55 (or the 28 MM 1.8 or the 35 MM 1.4 -the list goes on) that I was wanting, but I am enrolled in five classes this semester and we peasants must take what we can get. The Ebay seller listed this as a new lens, but the Fed Ex package says that it’s refurbished. The plot thickens.
As for my classes, they are:
ENG COMP II
WORLD CIV II
My major is Behavioral Sciences + I’m working on my Substance Abuse certificate simultaneously. Last semster I took 21 credit hours; this month I’ve scaled it down to 16. Between that and my teens, I’m having to take photography where I can get it these days, but I’m contemplating pushing a bit harder throughout the week so I can save Saturdays for a photoshoot. (Or photowalk/city walk, etc.) I hope the doorbell rings 2 more times today…