photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

Bathed in Light: Jesus’ Love

It’s 3:30 a.m. and I’m watching The Dark Crystal and thinking about nabbing another bowl of Pistachio Almond Ice cream. Party for one. 🙂

I’m in a particularly jovial mood- a bit celebratory. For weeks, I’d been super depressed- lost in the post-breakup haze that always accompanies splitting up with the mate. I knew I would have my bad days here or there, but I didn’t anticipate that it would be so bad. My heart was just wrecked.

Two days ago, in the twilight hours of pre-dawn, I fell on the bedroom floor and just wailed. I hadn’t let myself cry after Josh left (except for once) and finally, the damn burst; I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I cried and cried and prayed and really just got all of the ick out. I read Isaiah 26 (out loud) and really felt the Lord there in the room with me. After I anointed myself and finished reading the Bible, the cloud passed over me; I could feel it lifting physically, not just in my spirit, and afterwards I felt so light. The chains fell off of me and it’s been that way since. The heartbreak and sorrow were just too heavy for me and I knew that I wouldn’t make any type of progress until I let it all out, and let it all go.

So I did. It’s funny…to the hungry, desperate soul, even bitterness is sweet, and I was just soooo desperate to feel Jesus’ love. My heart has been restocked with sweet love and I feel a warm glow swimming around inside.

I have one of these too. >>>>>>> 🙂

Oh…and these little guys don’t hurt either:

DoeyandVirgilCarl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4 film lens/Canon Rebel 

We have two new housemates! Our dog, Chance, is crazy about them: He gives them baths and is a great guard dog. Brianna named the male kitty Virgil (from Dante’s Inferno), and Brian named the female Do Re Mi Fa So La To Do, but we call her Doey for short.

They’re absolutely adorable and I’m madly in love with them.

(Time to hit the hay.)
Good night morning, world.

“With my soul have I desired thee in the night; yea, with my spirit within me will I seek thee early.”  -Isaiah 26: 9

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6 responses

  1. I am so glad you are feeling better, and those kittens are just adorable. I love the second one’s name too much!

    April 7, 2015 at 6:09 am

    • My kids are just a weeee bit odd, O…heheh. (Anybody with 50% of my DNA is guaranteed to be. ;0) It’s amazing how much happiness baby kitties can bring, eh? They’re sooooo cute.

      April 7, 2015 at 6:36 am

  2. yvo

    I am so heartened to hear this B. Excellent ~ what a break thru. A mountain of grief moved and there is nothing like the presence of the Lord. A huge turning point in this journey. Happy new kitty babies. perfect!! Love you mighty girl!!! xx y

    April 7, 2015 at 10:05 am

    • Oh I know, Y. Let me tell you. It was such a precious, special, and intimate meeting with the Lord. I haven’t done the ole “close your eyes, open the Bible and see what Passage it falls open to…” in quite some time. But that morning, God totally led me to that chapter. I couldn’t believe it- matter of fact- take a look through it and I’m sure you’ll agree. It referenced seeking Him out early in the morning (etc.) and I was just blown away by the timing of it all. (I love that place though- when you feel as though you’re hanging by a thread and nothing matters any more- and nothing is more important at that moment than fellowship with Jesus. The soul is so desperate that a drop of water is a flood. It has a way of really humbling us!) I feel like a huge dark cloud has been removed- a thick, despairing fog. I haven’t felt so good or happy in a very long time. (I catch myself smiling throughout the day- at absolutely nothing. It’s wonderful. :0)

      I hope your day is a good one. Love you too!

      April 7, 2015 at 11:25 am

  3. yvo

    well i just cried when i read your beautiful response comment B. and yes i agree. life giving fellowship. nothing like it. only found in our intimacy with our Lord. xx

    April 7, 2015 at 2:00 pm

    • Yep. :0) I think in our spiritual journies we’re always transitioning between phases of wakefulness and sleep. We fall asleep- God shakes us awake and we groggily march on, shaking off the slumber until we’re fully recharged again! (And from that moment on, we’re tempted back into our spiritual slumbers because our spirits and hearts are all fattened up and we get lazy again…) I’m jusat thankful that He (God) shook me awake again- out of the darkness and back into the Light. If we’re honest, we have to acknowledge that we’re always teetering between these two worlds- darkness and Light- death and life- slumber and wakefulness. Anger, resentment, unforgiveness (etc.) are like really strong spiritual sleeping pills! It feels good to be clear, clean and light. ;0) I think we’re BOTH feeling better compared to how we’ve been for a while now, eh? Let’s hope we just keep on rising. I’m going to be emailing you soon with a prayer request for my Pastor. I’ve just been told of some really awful things that have been going on with some of our people-scary. Anyway, I’ll write soon! x

      April 7, 2015 at 2:52 pm

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