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Wretched Mess


Today has been one of the most wretched days of my life. I’ve had the worst migraine that I’ve ever had, and it has been a doosy. I started my day with a strong dose of cayenne and ginger (as usual) , followed by a small  cup of medicinal tea. I was grossly nauseous, and so went back to bed. I tried to read some of my Bette Davis/Joan Crawford dual biography, but was too sick. The pain was mostly in the back of my head, exactly where my cyst is, and it was swelling- massive pressure was building up and as usual, it felt as if I’d been shot in the back of the head- but this is actually worse. When a person is shot in the head, more times than not, they die. If they don’t die, they’re rushed to the hospital and given large doses of morphine, stadol, demerol, or something of that nature so they’re not suffering. In my case, I have to sit it out. Minutes feel like hours. Words are too simple to describe this kind of ongoing pain.

I haven’t taken a phenergan in over a month, but I tried to take one half and be very still. Eventually though, my stomach revolted. My son asked, “Do you want me to bring you the trash can, mom?”

“No, I don’t want to throw up in front of everybody,” I said.

Two minutes later I ran to the bathroom and “worshipped the porcelain god” as the saying goes. Now if you’ve never thrown up a fairly large amount of cayenne pepper, you haven’t really lived yet. My whole head was on fire! My nasal passages felt as if somebody’d sprayed acid into them and I was crying tears that actually burned. (Not boo-hoo crying, but phsyiologically.) Also, the pain was exacerbated by the fact that I had a new surge of fiery adrenaline coursing through my body, particularly in my head.

I made it back to my bed and by God’s good mercy, was able to sleep. I woke up feeling like raw heck, drank a bit more of my medicinal tea (poppy seed tea, which actually works to kill the pain, if you can keep it down), and after five more hours of intense agony- ordered Chinese. (Might I recommend the moo shu beef? General Tso’s chicken is also a tasty dish, and crab rangoons make a great appeteizer. This is what I ordered, along with a coke and a few Pepsi’s.)

It is now 12:45 a.m. and the pain is still pretty intense (it’s moved around to my front right eye socket). Ibuprofin is a joke, but I took two anyway. It’s been three weeks since I’ve stopped taking my Lortab and Ambien. My liver was beginning to tell me that I couldn’t keep taking pills and remain “healthy”. Granted, I never exceeded 10 mg. at one time, which is the equivalent of 1 blue Lortab, (but seldom took even that much). This is part of the reason why I decided to become certified in Substance Abuse- I know far too many people who have been reduced to a mere statistic, having lost everything (including themselves) to drugs.

I’ve become passionate in my search for a homeopathic solution: pain management without having to take pharmaceutical chemicals. Poppy seed tea can be taken at small doses to combat severe pain, such as the pain from my arachnoid cyst, while still allowing me to function. Naturally, if you take a larger amount, you can get higher than a kite, but if I wanted to get high, I’d just smoke a joint. I like to be in control of my faculties though. This is part of the reason why I quit drinking liquor over five years ago. If I chose to not take anything at all, I’d be limited to “getting out of bed to pee” and that’s about it. I can’t live that way. So after much consideration and trial and error, I’m sticking with my cayenne, ginger, and med. tea, when necessary.

I do get more migraines this way (not taking pharmaceutical drugs) and some days it’s sheer agony, like today, but my liver feels 80% better.

Through it all, I’m able to say, “Thank you God for this pain. I still choose to praise you, and lift up Your Name.”

When I compare my pain, to the pain that Jesus had to endure, I shudder to think that I could even complain. I still have two eyes that see, and a heart that loves- two working hands, a family that I love and that loves me. I have much to be thankful for.

Much to be thankful for. 🙂

2 responses

  1. dave……your writing made me feel like I just watched a movie…. you have a great gift of not only writing, but you’re humble, sincere, and grateful for every single thing you have…. Any way, I too have suffered in physical pain with nerve damage in my spine, 2 failed surgeries, etc….and lately I have been treated like a junkie all because I want to have in my possession are 2 strong pills on hand when the pain gets real bad…and these days doctors are scared and bullied by the D.E.A……. so that being said I’m trying the poppy seed tea, hoping it will give me some pain relief when it gets bad… and thanks for your advice on careful to not build up a tolerance, eating good, exercise, etc.. I like how you tell yourself what Christ must have suffered thru….how he had the ability to call down Heaven’s angels to relieve his pain…..but his love was too strong…..and chose to go thru it. Reminded me when I had a root canal, felt everything 100% as novocain couldn’t numb me up at all (my whole life I’ve been strangely immune to novocain)……..So I gave my dentist the go ahead and told him to ignore my reaction to the pain and to keep drilling fast and get it over with……well…. I lasted maybe 3 minutes, the whole time thinking what Christ must have gone through when tortured……that is till I passed out cold from the pain. Well enough about me. Thanks for sharing your story. Stay healthy. – dave.

    September 10, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    • Hey Dave, nice to meet you! I sympathize with you in that yes, doctors are leery on handing out the pain meds any more, and much of it is in part due to actual junkies who’ve hit up the ERs and such in search of a quick fix. I tell you, I was so desperate and had almost given up hope. I had to drop out of college from the intense, on-going pain and I really thought I was a goner. I began experimenting with poppy seed tea around 3 years or so ago (roughly) and like anything else, trial and error and wisdom are all part of the learning processes. But, I’ve never used anything so effective in my life. And yes, moderation in all things! Because I started a PST (poppy tea) regimen and implemented it into my life regularly, my migraines have all but vanished. I no long lay in bed 12 days out of the month feeling like I’m dying. I’ll be graduating with my bachelor’s in psychology in the summer of 2016, and will be able to start on my Master’s in Forensic Psychology and after that- my doctorate. I’m a Dean’s List student and have just been invited to join the Society of Leadership and Success at my University. There is just no way that I would have been able to do any of this without my homeopathic, natural pain modification therapy! But if I were to share my methodologies with the average person- or even doctors-and what I must do to keep the pain at bay, eyebrows would be raised, accusational words whispered, and speculations made. Sure, taking this tea is controversial (for others, not myself) but that’s because we live in a world that labels everything and everyone. More people become addicted to drugs, however, by merely visiting their doctors and simply taking what is prescribed. The danger therein is walking into it blindly, trustingly, and not really knowing any better. What I do comes with risks, certainly, but if one studies those risks and keeps a vigilant eye, along with healthful measures, it mitigates addictive risks significantly. This tea has literally given me my life back. I have no doubt that if you use it with caution- never (ever EVER) annihilating your own tolerance level by increasing the dose beyond what is needed in that moment, you’ll find much relief and success in what you’re setting out to accomplish.

      By the way, thanks so much for your kind words. :0) It’s a pleasure meeting you and feel free to drop me a line anytime at my primary email address:

      All the best! 🙂 -Birgitta

      September 10, 2015 at 10:35 pm


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