photographer. artist. author. singer. songwriter. musician. teacher. student. humanitarian. visionary.

What does god say?

I noticed today that somebody stumbled upon my blog by searching for these keywords:

what does god say when u fallaid a test

Oh dearie me- let’s just leave that one alone. 

In other news, I’ve managed to knock out three of my five classes a month early. I still have 5 strong A’s at this point, but I’m approaching my finals- let’s hope that sticks. Things have been a big messy blur lately; it’s pretty standard stuff for rounding up another semester. High stress, deadlines, cramming 200+ pages and living as a virtual hermit for days on end, lost in my studies.To top things off, I’ve just discovered my internet may be shut off on the 20th. And wait- there’s more! Although I paid the rent this month on the 1st, as I always do, there was a notice on my door this morning. Something about having 5 days to pay the rent or having to vacate. (WTF?!) I’m going to chalk that one up to the fact that my landlord is pushing 90 or so. (I have an excellent rental history and have had for years.) [grumble]

On the bright side of things, I’ll be graduating on December 7th of this year. I really wish I didn’t have a chronic case of PMS PMDD so I could report that I’ll be graduating with lots of exclamation marks and enthusiasm, alas, that’s not the case. I’m wanting chocolate and tea and I think I need to cry or break something. I guess I’ve been semi-depressed since finding out yesterday that Micah died. He was Josh’s former roommate and a closet junkie. Josh had come home on numerous occasions to find Micah lying on the floor with his dope needle in his hand- blood and dope lying messily about. I had told Josh that he needed to get away from him before Micah took them both down. Josh was always being taken advantage of by his friends, giving them a place to stay and letting them slide on the rent, etc. One day, when Josh was hanging out at my old apartment, Micah called on the phone ten times or so and then he finally showed up at my door. I was highly annoyed. He continued exhibiting bizarre behavior over the months and finally, I told Josh that he needed to kick him to the curb. I could tell that he was going to drag Josh down into an ugly black hole eventually. Josh didn’t want to, but I kept pressuring him to throw him out. One evening, I walked down to Josh’s apartment with him and refused to leave until he literally threw him out. Josh had already had numerous items stolen- valuable jewelry that had been given to him, small sums of money- Micah was constantly stealing from Josh to support his habit. I was livid that Josh had been taking my son around Micah- sure he was a “nice guy” but a junkie is a junkie. So, Josh threw Micah out the night I was there. Josh had dropped out of school when Micah was living with him and I could see him losing direction. The changes were small at first, but more and more, I could see how Micah was influencing him negatively. We don’t know how Micah died and the obituary didn’t reveal it. I can’t help thinking it was a drug overdose. 

Josh has just finished up his semester; he did well. 
I can hardly believe I’m one week away from completing my degree in Behavioral Sciences and CPC in Substance Abuse. Finals are always so stressful! You can have a strong A in a class, consistently throughout, then fail a final, bringing your overall grade down to a C. All of that hard work for a C! That’s happened to me before so I have to avoid that like the plague. Study study study! My grades are very important to me and a C just isn’t going to cut it. 

I think it’s time for my Sleepytime Tea + Ambien. 

Happy trails.

Image
 Homeless man sleeps. Downtown Louisville, KY.

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8 responses

  1. Whenever I read your blog I just want to give you a big hug. Enjoy your tea and ambien 🙂

    November 14, 2013 at 1:23 am

    • Aww thanks! I think I’ll enjoy my tea and ambien + an adventure game (and in that order). Adventure games are really fun after taking Ambien..haha. xo

      November 14, 2013 at 1:25 am

  2. God says, “check your spelling first!” Lol and congratulations yay!!! And re: the other stuff, I hope things get sorted out.

    November 14, 2013 at 2:15 am

    • I thought the same thing: God would probably say, “Use spellcheck.” heheh… and yeah, things’ll get sorted out. They always do. Thanks for popping in. ;0) xo

      November 14, 2013 at 2:20 am

  3. I’m so sorry to hear about Micah. It’s just a sad situation. You’ve helped me feel so much more comfortable being honest with myself, and I must say I think your honesty is bad ass! Also, I am really excited for you about your graduation!!!!!! <—- (lots of exclamation points). Sending lots of love your way for getting through the stress of finals and all the other stuff, too. 🙂

    P.S. I laughed at the irony of "fallaid a test" and the needing chocolate and tea thing. I just drank a chocolate chai tea….it's like a two for one! Have you tried it?

    November 14, 2013 at 10:43 am

    • Hey, thanks for those exclamation points, Amy! :0) You know, I haven’t tried chocolate chai- that’s so totally on my list. (Love chai.) Hope all is well in your neck of the woods! xo

      November 14, 2013 at 12:35 pm

  4. Sometimes you can’t help people and their problems and issues become yours. That’s a hard lesson to learn. A very long time a go, I was in a relationship with a person who was an alcoholic. Try as I might, I could not get this person to seek counseling or some other type of assistance. I noticed over time that I was starting to imbibe more just to be around this person. In the end, I was depressed and had to leave the relationship to save myself. I learned that you can’t help affect change unless the person with the issue wants to attempt to do so too. Sounds like poor Micah was unable to take that step.

    November 17, 2013 at 11:43 am

    • It’s a good thing you had the wisdom to separate yourself from that person, Al. Some people don’t and are utterly consumed by others and their addictions. Even if a person isn’t drinking or doing the drugs of the other person, they can become addicted to the crusade of making them sober, or trying to, so, in the long run, they still battle an addiction. And yes, if a person doesn’t want to help him or herself, they just won’t. I see that in a lot of marriages. Women, especially, will want their man to change into something different once they “have him”. It’s a fairly common practice in women’s worlds. They’re attracted to the “bad guy” but once they have him, they want to turn him into a gardener (etc.). Then when he won’t change, they think he’s broken or no good. You’d be surprised at how much this goes on with women! But it’s similar to what you’re saying- no matter how much a person tries to change another- it must be the person doing the changing.

      I found out Micah died of a cocaine overdose. I told Josh two years ago that I didn’t see him living for more than two more years. Sadly, that outcome is predictable. Josh and I had both tried to intervene- Josh, many times. At some point you must withdraw your hands, you know? You can’t go down on somebody else’s sinking ship.

      November 17, 2013 at 3:35 pm

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