Peach Wine, a Little Bit of Cussing and Heart Warming Sunshine
So Josh and I decided that we would spend the afternoon out doing something spontaneous and adventurous. Before I became a school drone, I used to go out and take pictures of abandoned buildings (and get cussed at and threatened and lots of times the police were involved) and stuff. So, we wanted to go and do new things today. The weather was absolutely stunning and what better place to go than to a winery in the country?
It was a bit past five and they closed at six so we blazed a path to Huber’s Orchard. This story just wouldn’t be typical if some type of cussing weren’t involved- that’s usually what happens when you’re minding your own business with your camera. Josh and I had bought two bottles of fresh wine: Peach, and Catawba Rose (the latter being our favourite). So we’d had a small cup each, and I parked my car on the side of the pumpkin patch and hopped out for a quick shot as we were leaving. I walked over to the edge of the road- close to our Rodeo/vehicle- and laid down on my belly to get a worm’s eye view of a bashed open pumpkin. Lo and behold, just above my camera view, a hayride truck was coming our way and I pointed my camera toward it as it approached us for a quick shot.
The driver yells at me, “The field is closed!” He’d slowed down to a complete stop with 15 people or so, all sitting on the back. He thought I was picking pumpkins. So I hopped up (literally, I hopped) and hopped again 3 big leaps (like a bunny rabbit) over to the actual road, and yelled, “I’m not in the field now!” I was actually laughing because I thought it was all a bit silly.
He looked at me, sort of quizzically, and drove off. That should’ve been the end of that. I wasn’t breaking any rules. But no. No. No. No. A sassy-mouthed broad had to say- loud enough for me to here her- “I would have to slap that girl.”
Yep.
And so I flipped her off (naturally) and replied, “Here ya go, slap that!”
And that was the end of that.
But here’s some pics from the rest of the afternoon: warm country air, a lazy Sunday afternoon, a really beautiful man and some good fall wine. It really doesn’t get much better. 🙂
Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.8 film lens/natural lighting/Canon Rebel XSI
A Very Long Sabbatical
I’ve decided that after this semester’s over (in December), I’m going to take 1-2 years off from school. I’ve been pushing myself very hard for 4 years now (since the fall of 2010) with only one summer break. My brain hurts! I’m clawing at the fuzzy realization that it’s only two months away.
I remember the last day I worked at Dialamerica. I was a telemarketer (the woman everybody loved to hate!) and as I got out of the car, pregnant with my son, Brian, I put one foot on the pavement and it was all I could do to heave and ho and drag my other foot out. I hated every second of it. I thought to myself, “This is the last day I’ll come here. No more.” And that was it.
Well that’s how I’m starting to feel about school. I have chronic TMJ gnawing away at my head like a deranged hamster- the pain is gnawing at the pain, and it’s every day. Sleep is the only comfort I have because it’s the only time I’m not in pain. It’s making my schoolwork virtually unbearable. I just don’t feel good. I have the immune system of steel, I really do. I haven’t had the flu (or even a cold) in a year, and before that, it was another year. I seldom get sick, but I pay in pain in every other way.
As long as I’m convicted and driven by principle- I’m in it for the long haul. But this lukewarm romance with college is falling away and I’m scrutinizing the “balance” of it now. I have 3-4 years to go before I get my Master’s. By then, I’ll be 50! I don’t want to wait until I’m a burnt out shell to record my songs and work on my art and photography. (This is not a new song I’m singing. It was the same thing last year, and the year before.)
My mind is tired. The stress and hard work are taking their toll. For anybody who’s never been to college that might think it’s easy to be a full-time student year after year, not so! it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, continually. I don’t have the best track record in the world either. I have many ambitions and dreams! I’ve followed through on a few of them. But I’m suffering, and I just need a good, long sabbatical. Like- 2 years. I’ll be able to get a “hardship deferral”, so that’s not a problem.
And if I’m honest, part of me doesn’t care if I never return. I’m just So. Burnt. Out.
Josh is very supportive of this executive decision. It means that I won’t get my Bachelor’s in 2016, but I miss the clouds and my photo-walks and my editing and my guitar playing and my dreaming and I miss the wondering of what the next day brings!
If I have to smell the air of indifference one more day I’m going to break. I’m watching the world spin from under my microscope and I get to be part of it when I go to the store. Yay! It’s not enough. I’m dying inside and I can’t let myself turn into an old, predictable, flaccid curmudgeon! So I’m counting down the days before I’m set free of this academic cocoon.
Today, I was sitting at a red light. I surveyed the scene and it was flat and dull. Cars turned and moved and sat and beeped and it was all very “normal”. I didn’t feel the least bit inspired by anything and felt stale inside. And then I realized why. My “photographic eye” has been asleep for months! When I’m actively taking pictures, daily, then I’m burning with fire inside- I’m alive. My eye is sharp and keen- like a hawk- and it’s quick and I see shots everywhere. I hear stories everywhere. People “speak” just in their gestures and I’m the storyteller, or, my camera is.
Today I was looking at the world through non-photographic eyes and it scared the crap out of me. As I’ve said before, school is choking the artist in me, and I have to do something different for a while. Besides, I want to focus more on my writing. Poetry, memoir, who knows? It’s yet to be explored and that excites me. :0)
But more than anything- I want to take pictures again and wander around with my camera- lost in the moment. That sounds like Heaven…
Another Head-Crushing Migraine and Sweet, Sweet Rain
I’m in so much pain I can’t find adequate words to describe it. It started with my TMJ, combined with the dental work I had done last week. I believe the dentist sawed a few nerves in half that shouldn’t have been severed. It’s like no tooth pain I’ve ever felt before. The pain is so acute and shrill- it’s dizzying. As a matter of fact, having a baby (all natural) wasn’t this painful, and I’ve had 3 natural births!
No, this feels like somebody has bashed my head on my right side and it’s beginning to envelop my right eye socket in a sick, orbital frenzy. The vessels surrounding my (right) temporal and occipital region are pregnant with pain- threatening to burst, they feel like. My lymph node under the right side of my chin is swollen, indicating that i may have an accompanying infection of some sort. This is far worse than a normal unilateral migraine, because this includes TMJ pain and damaged nerves. It’s literally taking my breath away.
It’d do me no good to go to the ER- they’d just shoot me up with a demerol cocktail and while that would end this excruciating pain temporarily, it’d do nothing for me in the long run. It boils my blood that Medicaid won’t cover TMJ! They feel that it’s not “necessary”, nor are any procedures affiliated with it. This is the worst pain I’ve ever been in in my life- and it’s only just begun. If I don’t manage to knock this pain out FAST, it’ll take me down for the next 2 to 3 days and I cannot afford that during midterms.
Time to log off before I vomit.
Thank God for the rain dancing on my roof…
Midterms
I’m starting to feel the stress of midterms; two if which are due by Monday. I made my guys (Josh and Brian) a delicious supper of oven-roasted turkey, polenta squares, fresh collard greens, shells-n-cheddar, over-sized baked yams, green onions w/sliced grape tomatoes + lemon ginger tea for Josh and Honey Vanilla Chamomile for Brian- along with freshly made cinnamon rolls. I love my guys! I hear them laughing as they play Gary’s Mod. in the living room: I’m very happy. 🙂
I have a massive Excel assignment due in my Research Methods class (where we’ll be working with Analyses of Sample Demographics) which I was supposed to already have started on, another research topic proposal due in my Cross-Cultural Communications class, and worst of all, I’m supposed to take my midterm in Everyday Psychology- but get this: it’s 132 multiple choice questions + short essay and we only have 1 hour and 15 minutes- for a 132 question exam! That’s sheer insanity. I don’t think my professor has any idea what he’s asking. There’s just no way to accomplish a 132 question psychology exam in 75 minutes. It’s not even a realistic expectation. I’ve written him and asked him to change the allotted time to at least two hours. At this point, I still have a 100% (A) in the class, but after an exam like that, I could drop a whole letter grade. Short essay too? That’s insane!
Still, I’m in good spirits and am feeling content and relaxed. I’m still holding on to my strong A’s in 3 of my classes and am trying hard to recover my grade in Ethics. I’m fighting to keep my B; it’s a really difficult course. It’s my first semester at my new university and I’m really fighting hard to make the Dean’s List! I won’t know for a bit yet, but I’ve been on the Dean’s List at both my other schools (Ivy Tech and Vincennes University) and although this school is much harder, I’m putting my best foot forward and am working really hard this semester.
I miss the really deep, introspective writing that I’m used to; I just don’t have time to do that these days! My days are flying by and already, we’re getting ready to kiss this year goodbye. Time to fold the clothes and watch Intervention.
Flowers in Kentucky/Bluegrass state- Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.8(film)/natural lighting/all manual
Rainy Day Brunch and Comfy Socks
The rain is falling down in soft patterns that make me happy. It was a raging torrent earlier but has now fallen back to gentle solace. The house is clean so I’ve decided to stay in bed and knock back my Ethics assignment, which is due by midnight. Looks like a great time waiting to happen! (Note the sarcasm.) Take, for example:
- In Everyday Morality, Martin considers Ruth Benedict as representing the philosophical view of ethical conventionalism (pp. 53-54). What does she say in the excerpt from her Anthropology and the Abnormal (in Resources) that would support ethical conventionalism?
- Although not included in the excerpt, Benedict ends her paper with these words: “It is as it is in ethics: all our local conventions of moral behavior and of immoral are without absolute validity, and yet it is quite possible that a modicum of what is considered right and what wrong could be disentangled that is shared by the hole human race” (quoted in Rosenstand, p. 147). Does this statement contradict what she said in the excerpt from Anthropology and the Abnormal that you read? Why or why not? Does this statement contradict the perspective of ethical conventionalism? Why or why not?
- According to the excerpts you have read, what do The Poisonwood Bible and Possessing the Secret of Joy have in common? What are their major differences? Which of these two approaches to diversity and relativism do you find more compelling? Explain.
- What would each of the various perspectives Martin discusses in chapter 4 (ethical conventionalism, ethical pluralism, two versions of conceptual relativism, two definitions of multiculturalism) say about female genital mutilation? In your view, would female genital mutilation be morally right (permissible or obligatory) or morally wrong (impermissible)? Why or why not?
Ethical conventionalism, perspectivism, universalism, ethical pluralism, etc.
Blah.
My TMJ pain is making me crazy: it’s unrelenting! It feels like somebody’s pulling my jaw (continuously) out if its socket. Medicaid will not cover TMJ because they think that surgical procedures for chronic TMJ (such as I have) are not “necessary”. Don’t you love it? So now I’m in constant pain and have one of two choices: do nothing and suffer, or double up on my (homeopathic, all natural) pain meds. I really don’t want to do that but damn if I’m going to sit here and try to get work done with little, evil elves digging out my jaw meat with pitchforks. (Double up on pain meds it is.)
I have an exceptional brunch of fried ham, brown eggs, English muffin w/cream cheese & cherry preserves + lemon ginger tea.
And my comfy socks.
Thanks again to my son’s little lady- Many tator tots– who is a total sweetheart! 🙂
Gaming Saturday!
It’s a cold, rainy day, and I’m tucked into my bed in my jammies- pile of schoolbooks semi-stacked in a sloppy pile beside me. I awoke with a feeling of accomplishments over the past week: caught up on schoolwork (early), cleaned the house meticulously, spent some quality time with my mother and took care of my bad tooth. Saturdays usually mean writing another report with a gazillion citations + reading chapters on bivariate coordinates and chipping away at research topic proposals (I’m juggling two at the moment) and catching up on work that’s been put off until the last minute.
But this week, I made some personal habit changes and have begun to do my work early so that I can scale back on stress.
Rule # 1: Get your work done early!
And so I’ve followed this rule adherently. Alas, all of this responsibility has made me want to be wild and willy, so Josh and I have renamed this day Gaming Saturday! There will be no schoolwork (for me) or housework (for either). I’ve made a fresh pot of lemon ginger tea and we’ll stay in bed and game all day: he on his desktop and me on my laptop.
I’m downloading The Raven- Legacy of a Master Thief [move up queue- check! Bandwidth allocation set to high- check! Go!] and he’ll be playing Gary’s Mod. no doubt, but this is what we’ll be doing ’til 1 or 2 am or so: it’s how we blow off steam. Is there any better way?
Red River Gorge (Slade, Kentucky)- Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon- 35/2.8/natural lighting/manual
Snapshot
Busy.
Busy.
Busy.
Here’s a snapshot of my day:
- Josh wakes me up with sweet, warm, coffee kisses, “Byeeee…”
- Pop out of bed, make some strong, black Gevalia.. Take acidophilus, fish oil, milk thistle (best liver cleanser on the planet), two papaya enzymes (to aid degestion) + the standard two Ibuprofin gel caps.
- Have some breakfast: vanilla Greek yogurt and some Ruby Red grapefruit juice
- Hop in shower
- Get ready for dentist appointment
- Dentist- full pano x-ray + cavity drilled and filled (raw nerves exposed- extremely painful)- xray results- TMJ “condo” area (cheek & jawbone joint on right side) is “not looking good”- is extremely swollen and may have bone mutation/deformation from chronic TMJ- may need surgery- TMJ specialist referral
- Straight to Mom’s house- pick up grocery list/my treat- go shopping for both my Mom & I- ($300)
- Drop off groceries/go home- Josh is home early- he helps put away groceries
- Laundry/cleaning/dishes, etc.
- Two more Ibuprofin gel caps because mouth hurts like a &^%$# and novacaine has worn off completely
- Make dinner for Josh & i: steak, polenta, fresh collard greens, fresh portabella mushrooms, green onions, fingerling “smushed potatoes” w/sour cream/garlic & scallions
- Put away laundry/wash another load
- Dishes (again)
- Give dog (Chance) a bath
- Take another shower
- Make hot Epson salt foot soak for Josh
- Take dog for walk
- Come home- finish up remaining dishes
- Make Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer tea for Josh and I (w/honey- good stuff!)
- Put clothes into dryer
- Brush teeth & fall into bed early with stack of schoolbooks at 10:36 p.m.
Cringeworthy!
Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.8 film lens + Canon Rebel XSI
Awesome Sale- Awful Vacation
I came back from my vacation with a notice that I made a sale: that’s always nice! Somebody bought a framed print of:
The Longest Dream
It’s a nice feeling that somebody would pay almost $200 for one of my prints. So, to whoever the mystery buyer is, thank you deeply! That made my day.
Unfortunately, our vacation was like a bad SNL skit. It really was the vacation from hell. I blame both of us being overworked-like two highly pressurized pots that have been on the stove for far too long. The best part was sleeping in the car on the first night. We read books on our Androids on an air mattress- priceless! But then we got semi-lost the next day and all hell broke loose. I can’t go into detail, because I don’t want to paint anybody black. There was yelling and cussing and that’s all before we even got to the cabin!
The location was absolutely stunning. But then it all went downhill very quickly, starting with the two large dogs (the size of small horses) which jumped all over us as soon as we got out of the car. The owner, Fred (who took a liking to hanging over his front porch), failed to mention that he and his wife actually lived on the premises too. We weren’t going to be alone as the website indicated; their cabin was only feet away from ours. Strike one.
And then there was the whole no-WiFi thing. The website said there was Wifi- nope! Fred told us that the teens who had stayed there prior to our arriving had used it all up. (Fred conveniently neglected to tell us that part on the phone while booking with him just days before.) Strike two. But the worst part of all was those damn acorns. Not the dry kind that bounces off the roof quietly- no no- these were the heavy, green kind that hit the tin roof with an ear-shattering CRACK. CRACK. CRACK. Every 25-45 seconds- just like clock work, without fail. Strike three.
Kiss your sanity (and any hope of a good night sleep goodbye). I couldn’t go out on my front porch without seeing Fred on his. The entire time, Fred let his dogs roam free, up onto our deck when we were grilling ribs- it didn’t matter. Between the dogs, the lack of internet, and the blasted acorns, I really couldn’t wait to get back home. I did manage to get 10 gigs of beautiful shots. I was only able to edit a few, as it’s back to the grind! Josh is working 12 hours days and I’m back to my 5-7 page research papers. It’s intense, but at least it’s predictable!
Post trip- still sane!
Josh, rocking out on the suspension bridge at Red River Gorge
Pics taken with Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/3.5 film lens + Canon Rebel XSI/natural lighting/manual
One Day to Go
Cross Cultural Communications test- A
Research Methods for Experimental Psychology test- A
Apart from my Ethics class (which I hate), I’m maintaining all A’s in my classes. I’m used to my little 100 and 200 level classes. These 300+ level classes are kicking my butt! Really though, it’s nothing compared to what I’ll be doing when I’m working on my Master’s/Clinical Psychology.
My favourite class so far is definitely “Research Methods”. Naturally, there’re a lot of dependent and independent variables and such, but it’s not as heavy on perspectives as I thought it would be. Really, much of it deals with the precision of APA so I’m grateful that I have a good professor who cares about her work and her students. It’s a tough course! I love it though. Although I was only supposed to get a 50% refund for dropping my Statistics course (because it was during the 3rd week), I filed an appeal with the school and attached 10 emails to back up my claims that my professor was grossly under-prepared to teach the course. I have always fought for what I believe in, especially where school is concerned. My appeal was granted, and despite the fact that it was already the 3rd week, I was granted a full refund- 100%. Triumph!
All of my school work is done for the week and I’m super excited: Josh and I are heading to the hills of Kentucky tomorrow! We still need to pack, but we’re both acting positively giddy and can’t wait to leave. We’re wanting to get out of here so bad, we’re thinking about leaving a day early and sleeping on an air mattress in the back of the Rodeo. For me, there’s something romantic about camping out in the truck and listening to the sounds of crickets in the middle of nowhere. Then on the 2nd and 3rd nights we’ll be at the cabin. I can’t believe it’s been a year since our last vacation together! This is long overdue.
I plan on taking all 3 of my film lenses: the Super Tak 135/3.5, Helios 44-2, and my Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.8. I’m loving my Zeiss at the moment. It has a great film quality texture to it that I just don’t get with digital lenses and the exposure has a bit of a natural glow to it. I took a solitary walk on my birthday the other day at a place that Josh and I named Bullfrog Creek. Here are some sample pics from my walk (the train bridge was high up in the air- about 11 stories up- my dog was terrified):
Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.8 film lens + digital camera/Canon Rebel XSI
It’s 2:21 a.m. and Josh just left to go get chocolate truffles, Jolly Ranchers and Pringles for me (after working a 14 hour day). What a man! I’m wiped out. Time to call it a day…
Did he Really Just Say That?
I was watching a “controversial sermon” (as the interwebs is calling it) made by the wife of Joel Osteen, Victoria Osteen, on serving God and self. I don’t think this is controversial at all. People are going bananas because Victoria Osteen was preaching and said that when we serve God, we’re really “doing what makes us happy” rather than God. She was endorsing this particular method of serving God and telling the congregation to do just that, because when we make ourselves happy, we make God happy. This shouldn’t be taken out of context! For example, if a person is a kleptomaniac, it’s not going to make God happy if they steal, if stealing makes that person happy, etc.
However, I do think Victoria Osteen is on to something in that when we are playing into our altruistic ways and doing good for others, we are in fact “serving ourselves” in our deeds too. She was merely highlighting this aspect of “self” which can be seen throughout various psychological perspectives, as I’ve learned through my studies. I can’t say I’m in 100% agreement with her, but I can’t dispute her claim altogether either.
But this isn’t the jaw-dropping part. Steve Camp, a pastor and former chart-topper in the Christian music world, said in a Huffington Post clip (at 2:55- 3:28), “Victoria seems like a sweet person but an uninformed person. She can’t be a pastor of a church- there’s no place in the Scripture for a woman to be a co- pastor of anything, and…she needs to be discipled. She seems immature yet very sincere in what she’s claiming.” (http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/highlight/christians-react-to-victoria-osteens-controversial-sermon/540e11b5fe3444535b0001dc?cn=tbla)
Dude! What?
I cannot believe in 2014 that such ignorance is still thriving. How in the world can a person think that God is limited and that He cannot move His Spirit upon a woman if He so chooses? This level of ignorance is shocking. I could pop off a fat handful of Scriptures right now- from memory alone- that proves that God can and indeed does encourage women to preach- and not only encourages them but ordains them.
The very fact that God says that we (both male and female) are created in His image tells a person that God is not just male, but female too.
So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Gen. 1:27)
Here’s something else to consider: There’s a place in the book of Numbers where God sends a prophet, Balaam, to go and speak to the people in a town. The prophet decided to not go and changes his direction. When the donkey he was riding on actually corrected the prophet’s misdirection, the prophet smote the ass, hurting it. This happened three times, causing the donkey to actually speak out- as in- using actual words so that the prophet understood it:
“And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass and she said unto Balaam, ‘What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?”‘ (Num. 22:28)
What does this Scripture tell us?
It tells us that if God can open a donkey’s mouth and cause it to speak, don’t think He can’t open a woman’s mouth and cause her to preach.
And here’s one for the road, which eradicates sexist claims, such as what Mr. Camp offered:
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. (Gal. 3:28)
And here’s another important Scripture to chew on. Deborah, who was a prophetess, judge, and warrior–mentioned in the book of Judges–was chosen to lead Israel out of the hands of their oppressors. The people had prayed for a leader, and they were given Deborah- a woman.
People came and sought advice from her under a palm tree, where she used to sit:
And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment. (Judges 4:5)
Barak, a warrior, sought advice from her about going into battle. in so many words, she told him that sure, she would go with him (being a warrior too), but that there would be no glory in it for him and that the Lord would deliver their enemy into the hands of a woman:
“And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour; for the Lord shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kedesh.” (Judges 4:9)
Sexist men, who think a woman must “remain silent in the church”- please- educate yourselves in the Bible before opening your mouths, calling women “immature” and saying that they have no place to preach. Be a disciple yourself and stop limiting God’s strength and power. Does Jesus not say that all things are possible with God?
“But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, ‘With men’ this is impossible but with God, all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
If you are truly a “believer”, then believe.
My Head is a Wreck Again
It’s been a while since I’ve battled one of these migraines: I’ve grown a little too comfortable without them. Life has been a dizzying whir of cramming chapters again, quizzes, and posting a ton of forum posts per class. Some professors are asking for 6 posts in a week. (That’s an unusually large amount for one week.) I ended up dropping my Statistics class because…well…my professor was less than competent. On the first week of class, he was still vacationing in the wilderness of remote Alberta. By the end of the week, we still didn’t have a syllabus or our course ID number for the MyStatLab. (Um, what am I paying for again? Can I get a competent teacher up in this mug?)
Still, I managed to get the 100+ Statistic problems finished that he asked for- all without extending our due dates up a week. Unfortunately, that much math ended up causing me to be late in another class, and although I was only late for one forum discussion board, my professor- my communications professor– cited me as a “risk”- all because I was late for ONE FORUM POSTING. Let’s keep in mind that I emailed her 3 times and she never responded. Communications my ass.
But that’s not the bad part. The bad part is that she herself had a family tragedy and forgot to post week 3’s assignment. For 3 days. But I’m a “risk”. (Hello? Is there a button I can push to notify somebody of my professor being a risk?) If you can’t walk the walk- don’t talk the talk!
I have a heap of assignments due still by Sunday but after 6+ hours of straight schoolwork- I’m toast. Normally, that would just be my starting point, but 6 hours with a brooding semi-migraine is quite an accomplishment. Josh has gone to retrieve the remedy. I won’t say what the remedy is, but if you know me well enough, you know what that remedy is. (It’s not pot and I sort of wish it was.) Alas, I hate pot.
So tonight, I’ll lounge in bed with my laptop watching Project Free TV, nursing my head, and I hope I’m eating bad crap and feeling really good about it.
Grrrr…
Painting with Light
Pics taken manually with the Super Tak film lens + Digital Rebel XSI. Natural sunlight- some SOOTC/straight out of the camera/Spring Mill Park- Mitchell, Indiana 9/8/14 (“Painting with Light” my interpretation– start out with total blackness. Bring in the light subtly via ISO/sh. sp./ & ap.)
SOOTC/straight out of the camera- cropped only
Unhappy Customer
It’s 3:10 a.m. and I’ve just finished up 7 hours of Statistics. Why 7 hours you might ask? Because my professor was unable to get our class up and running for the whole first week (and our corresponding online homework site) and it set us back a week. Rather than move our schedule up by a week, he’s left the due date for 100+ 3 and 4 part math problems (some taking a 10 minute completion for one problem) at Sept. 6th at midnight. I was only able to access the site 3 days ago, so this left me trying to complete a GAZILLION freaking problems today. I actually managed this insane task- barely. (My only other option was to drop the course and that ain’t happening.)
Rather than sleep, I’m going to jump right into my assignments in my other classes, because:
a.) They’re due today by midnight, and
b.) Who needs sleep anyway?!
The good thing about this schedule is that you’re both too busy and distracted to be depressed.
Josh hasn’t had a day off in more than a month: We see each other in passing these days. We still managed to sneak in a dinner date last night at the river where we dined on Vietnamese just before midnight.
I need a freaking vacation already…
This and That
I’m honestly too tired to think of a clever title. I’m beginning to think I was mad to attempt 5 classes this semester! Alas, the boat has left the shore so onward I go. Here’s what my schedule’s looking like for the next few days:
Cross-cultural Communications– Read chap. 1 & do DB/Discussion Board-respond to 2 classmate’s posts/take exam
Research Methods of Experimental Psychology– Complete CITI training/DB postings/Read chap. 4- take Ethics exam
Ethics– “Think & Write” assignment/Read chap. 1/Read Plato’s Republic (various chapters), Lord of the Rings commentary and chapter excerpts & discussion along with The Rings of Tolkien & Plato, DB/Discussion Board on Chap. 1/Respond to 3 classmate’s threads
Everyday Psychology– Read chap. 1/Journal entry/Do both DBs and take exam
Statistical Techniques for Health Professionals– do 90 more Stat problems on descriptive and inferential Statistics + 2 quizzes and 1 test
That about wraps it up for week two!
My day began with me taking my Mom to her doctor’s appointment at 9:00 a.m. Her medication levels were off and she was toxic. Thankfully we caught it in time. Afterwards, my day was a flurry of activity but I managed to squeeze in a mile walk at the park with the dog- back to flurried activity- supper (Mom and brother fed- check!) 5 hours of schoolwork- milkshakes at Steak ‘n Shake with the fam-back outside for another late night walk with the dog. I’m pretty sure my punctuation is blown all to hell but I’m too tired to check.
So, at almost 2:00 a.m., I’m off to slap some Proactive on my face and brush my teeth- slam an Ambien and drift off into blissful nothingness. I’ll be back when I come up for air!
Taken today at the park- Helios 44-2/manual exposure
Downtown Jeffersonville/Louisville, KY in the background
Old Leaves- New Day
Canon XSI + m42 (to EOS) EF adapter + Helios 44-2/manual/natural sunlight/ ISO 100/ f/2
The marriage of digital camera + old (Helios) film lens imported from the Ukraine
Taken today
Let the Good Times Roll
Five years ago, my sister gave me her Honda, thinking it wouldn’t last much longer. I had been praying that very day for a miracle, asking God to help me with a car. That evening, she came over and told me that she wanted to give me her car. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect! So, for five years I’ve been driving it. The water pump crashed and died last year, but all year, I’ve been driving it- overheating every two miles. Talk about trying your patience! It can be super stressful when you feel like you’re in a death trap.
Thankfully, my Frank O’Bannon award came in a few days ago: $1,800 that doesn’t need repayed. I’m buying a new laptop for school ($70 from Craig’s List- hey, it’s “new” to me!), a new camera (Canon t3i 18 MP body only for $255- brand new- a steal) and a new copy of the Helios 44-2 film lens- imported from the USSR. And, I bought this!
1997 Isuzu Rodeo
It sells for around $3,000-$5,000 used, but I was able to trade in my old car and knock a few hundred down. I gave the car lot guy $1,000 cash and drove it off the lot- I’m ecstatic. It drives smoother than butter and it’s a 5 speed, which I love.
Essentially, I still have 5 days left before the start of my semester, but I like to get an early start, so I’ll be ordering all of my books in the next hour and then loading up my laptop tomorrow: 5 neat folders- each class loaded with its respective syllabus, assignments, contact info & email instructions, and all of the other necessary bits. (You can never be too prepared.)
My son, “Bob-Brian”, is staying over with his little lady, Mandy Tator Tots, and I’m in the best mood I’ve been in ages.
Two-headed Monster- taken tonight in parking garage- crappy cell phone pic- Josh & I
I had just enough money left over to send a few hundred to my daughter and give $300 to my little brother to help him out. I think it’s safe to say it’s a very good time in our lives. Five days of freedom left!
Until we meet again. x
A Little Spark
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” –Robin Wlliams
Museum goers at the Warhol exhibit- 2010/Museum of Modern Art(MOMA)/New York City, New York/Canon Rebel XSI-Sigma 17-70
Why Good People Suffer
I’ve recently read a story about a beloved blogger (Rara AKA Rarasaur) who has been the victim of a hate crime. I can’t go completely into her story because I don’t have enough information, but she was accused of embezzling $500,000 from her former employers.
She left their employment to start her own business along with a healthy client list. My suspicion is that her former bosses were afraid that she would be competition in some manner, so they assassinated her character by accusing her of embezzlement, and went a step further by contacting her entire client list, damaging her reputation and corrupting any potential hope of generating clientele.
She and her husband sold all that they had to obtain an lawyer, and she ultimately lost her business. They moved into a tiny hotel and lived on $5 pizzas- hardly the stuff of half a million dollars! For the next few years, Rara fought for her life. In the end, it was useless. Rara was sentenced to 3 years in prison: 18 months for good behavior. (Most prisoners only serve 50% of their sentences if they become model prisoners.) There was never an official investigation into the (alleged) missing half a million dollars. It was all very hush-hush, yet they still managed to ship the case over to the D.A. and she was charged.
I don’t know Rara personally and have only ever left one comment on her blog, but her pictures of herself reflect a woman who radiates love. She’s been known to raise boatloads of money for other people and is an activist in the blogging community, as well as a poetess and huge supporter of organizations she believes in.
Everything in me says that she is innocent. The reason this story is so close to my heart is because I too was falsely accused of something I didn’t do many years ago. My entire family was ripped apart and we were all punished relentlessly, year after year. I wasn’t allowed to speak in court, ever, and so after years of being thrown about in a vicious and abrasive system, I fired my attorney just to be able to speak out in court, finally. I slammed my hands down on the table and demanded that my kids return home. They had taken everything else from me, but I wasn’t going to let them take my voice.
It was the right thing to do. The case took a necessary turn and I was spared going to prison on trumped up false charges. The case drug on for 13 years or so. I was pulled apart at the seams and tested beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I went through absolute hell but I never gave up. Year after year, the battering continued, but I never gave up. I learned just how weak I was in the face of such a crushing device as our government- but I also learned how strong I was.
So many innocent people are sentenced to prison every day. It’s a horrific circle of injustice: the accusers, lawyers, and everybody involved knows that poor people cannot defend themselves properly, therefore, they offer a plea agreement (which is seldom in favour of the defendant) and most times, the defendant ends up taking the prison sentence because they’re out of resources and too exhausted to continue fighting.
I have my own theory as to why evil things happen to good people. I deal with many (many) people on a daily basis who have suffered abuse, trauma, etc. and who carry deep scars and even deeper resentment. I’ve spoken (typed) with literally thousands of people over the past decade, sharing my own personal story of tragedy and triumph. Why do horrible things happen to people like us, who just want to do good in this world and live our lives?
Why?
And every time, I think of Joseph (from the Bible). His is a true story. Joseph’s siblings hated him so much because his parent favoured him over them. Jospeh had had dreams of his brothers bowing down to him: it infuriated them! Josheph’s father, Jacob, had given Joseph as special coat made from various colours. When his brothers saw it, their envy was so intense that they wanted to kill him. So one day, they thought of a scheme that involved killing their brother, and smearing animal’s blood on his precious coat. They would take the bloody coat to their father and tell him that Joseph had been murdered by an animal, and that’s just what they did. They wanted to defile the very thing that represented their Dad’s love for Joseph.
So, they threw Joseph into a deep pit, ripping his coat from him. They devised ways that they might kill him. Only one of his brothers, Reuben, loved him. He stood up for Joseph and suggested that they sell him instead and get some money. He appealed to their greed to save his brother’s life, and it worked.
Joseph was sold to some travelers on their way to Egypt. He landed in a rich man’s house named Potiphar. Potiphar’s wife desired Joseph and tried to seduce him on a number of occasions, but Joseph was all about doing the right thing. He was thrown into prison for telling the truth. He had done nothing wrong.
While in prison, Joseph suffered much hunger and beatings; diseases and all sorts of evil things. All the while, God had been preparing Joseph’s heart for great things! But look what he had to go through to get them.
Fast forward many years. Joseph had grown into a man and had been incarcerated for many years in dark, diseased dungeons. One day, the king of the land had troubling dreams and only Joseph could interpret them. He told the king that there would be a great famine in Egypt- the king himself had dreamed about it!
In the end, Joseph was made chief in command (second only to the king) and saved all of Egypt, and ultimately his very brothers who tried to kill him. And in the end, they indeed did have to bow down to their brother, just as his dream had predicted.
When you observe Joseph’s life in bits and pieces, it seems so unfair that he had to suffer the way he did. But God just wanted to “give him a new coat”. The bigger picture is a beautiful one.
Joseph’s story is not so different than my own.
In all that happened to me, God simply wanted to give me a new coat. 🙂 That coat is very expensive. It looks like old goat skin that is weathered and worn, shredded here and there and barely held together after years of being ripped apart, but it’s laced with diamonds- the most durable stuff in the world.
The most important thing to remember, when you’re in the fire and feel as if you’re going to be burned to a crisp- is that the heat is God’s love. It hurts like hell, sure it does, and it feels like hell. But His intention is not to kill you. It’s in that fire that all of the impurities are burned away, and in the end, you’ll come out shinier than gold and you’ll have the goods that it takes to help other people who are still in the fire.
So Rara, if you ever read this some day, I have no doubt that you’re going to come through this thing a winner. Think about all of the lives you will touch that can only be reached by becoming the sacrifice, as you have done.
There’s a great need for genuine love in prison. I have no doubt that you’ll touch many lives. God needed to send the right woman for the job, and I believe He did.
Shine on, Rara. xo
m o n o c h r o m e j u n k i e † 
