For a Special Friend ♥ ╬ ♥
You know who you are! 🙂
I hope you like your little butterfly. (Or, mad rabbit, according to Mandy Tator Tots.) Made today from things collected on the back deck. I know it’s nothing compared to the masterpieces you create without even trying- forever making art with your fingers absentmindedly- but all things considered, I hope you like it just the same. xo
Dean’s List!
I’m in a ridiculously good mood: I just found out that I made the Dean’s List again this semester. SO stoked. In the past, I wanted to make the Dean’s List solely for bragging rights (I can admit to that), but now, I have to make the Dean’s List or there’s no going forward. When I begin working on my Master’s degree- just around the corner- there’ll be no such thing as “making a C”. If you receive a C in psychology at the Master’s level, you’re automatically expelled from the program. Yep; anything less than a B- and you’re considered a failure. So, I set the bar really high for myself every semester because I have to. But my semester’s finally over, and I have until July 7th to relax and enjoy my summer (and work on my photography & art). It’s OVER! 🙂
Digitally rendered watercolour on washi paper/ Bernheim Forest- Clermont, Kentucky
The Crucified Way
Never in a million years did I think I’d live to see the day when my Church would be divided. It happens to many churches. There are differences in opinions, feelings, ideologies, and ultimately, beliefs. So, church members branch off so that all people might feel included and have a place to go or belong. It doesn’t make the people who left “wrong” and it doesn’t make the people who stay in the original church “right”. Each person must decide for him or herself what is best in their lives.
I was born into a family of Pentecostals. My Church is Christ Gospel (Headquarters) and my Pastor is Rev. B. R. Hicks. She’s getting up there in years (in her 90’s) but she’s got plenty of fire left! 🙂 I consider her my spiritual mother and owe her a great deal; I always will. I was raised in duality, however: when I lived with my Mom, I went to prayer meetings twice per week and church four times per week. We didn’t have a t.v.- didn’t wear make-up, pants, etc. (skirts/dresses only), and lived a pretty clean life, to say the least. (I remember once, becoming heavily convicted at 14 because I was reading “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” Yep!) When I lived with my Dad, however, it was AC/DC, loads of whiskey, beer, and pot, and I had free reign of my life. I was perpetually bouncing back and forth between my parents throughout my adolescence and I was the only one of my siblings who did. Both sides- the spiritual world and the carnal world- were well developed within me. I’ll always be grateful for that. Had I been raised “only in church”, I would have felt inadequate, or as if I were a perpetual sinner and could never measure up to my cohorts and peers. Had I been raised “without God/church” (only) I’m sure I’d be dead by now, as I’m rebellious by nature and like to live life on the edge. Having both sides has allowed me to “sin with the sinners and sup with the saints”, as it were. What it’s also allowed me to do is get to know people from all walks of life- judging no one.
There’s a saying in my church that we call “the Crucified Way”. It’s choosing to focus on Jesus’ crucifixion and believing that all things go back to that: the Cross. As Christians, we pray and ask God to “crucify our flesh” so that our own carnal pride will become crucified- transformed- and cleansed so that rather than making something “about ourselves”, we make it about Jesus and His will. It’s no secret that we’re living in a self-fulfilling, hedonistic world where it’s all about “gaining followers”. I think though, we can become lost, chasing after a hollow goal if we’re not purpose-driven and sanctified- seeing the world through anointed “holy” eyes. Without that, it’s too easy to get caught up in “self” and “status” and “followers” and “likes” and on and on and on. But we all do it, no matter how clean we think we are- we all do it.
But back to the matter at hand! Recently, my Church has become divided. Bro. Bill Hudson (whom I really like a lot) started a separate church and many people have left our home Church to join his. They call it “Return Ministries”. Keep in mind, I, myself haven’t been to an actual Church (building) in quite some time- but that has no bearing on my feelings and beliefs. I love my church- Christ Gospel- and always will. Whether I’m actually “attending the building” doesn’t add to or take away from my walk with Jesus- one bit.
I love my Pastor very much because she’s taught me what it means to forgive and to love, truly. I’ll never forget what she said one day, “You can’t love people from a distance.” In other words, you have to “get your hands dirty”. DO something to show people you love them. Help them clean their house, give them food or a ride to the store- HELP them! Don’t merely say a hypocritical prayer that “God will help them or bless them” and leave them out in the cold…
It’s because of my Pastor that I was able to forgive my offenders – 100%- and find healing in my life. She’s lived by example and has poured out her heart, soul, time and her very life to help other people (like myself), and I’ll always be indebted to her for that.
There are a lot of lies on the internet about her, and there are people who have set out to destroy her her whole life. But just as the Bible says, “The servant is not above his Master,” and just as they tried to twist Jesus’ words, they twist hers too and try to make her out to be all sorts of things she is not.
I’m only one person with once voice. But consider this (part of) my testimony and that I have learned from Rev. Hicks how to love, forgive, overcome, how to give to others selflessly, how to actually give thanks to God for hard times, and how to take my eyes off of myself and put them on Jesus. She’s an awesome person, in general, but she’s an incredibly awesome woman.
What I love most about her, though, is her refusal to “go with the flow”. She stands on what is in the Bible- 100%. In 2015- that offends a lot of people. People want conformity and change. Under pressure, Moses struck the rock (in the wilderness) so that the people would have water, but he struck it out of fear and to silence them. He didn’t strike the rock because God wanted him to. He did it because the people moved him to do it- but it wasn’t God’s will. He “went with the flow” so there wouldn’t be an uprising.
Rev. Hicks doesn’t “go with the flow to silence the masses”, and again, that’s one of the things that I love her for the most. People blame her for their own unhappiness, but if we don’t give others credit for our success, why should we blame them for our misery?
The single greatest thing I’ve ever learned from Rev. Hicks is this: “Nobody can push your buttons unless you allow them to.”
That statement literally changed my life. We each have the power and ability to choose LOVE. To choose peace. And to choose forgiveness. I’ll forever hold these precious lessons close to my heart, and I’ll forever be grateful for what Rev. Hicks has taught me. ♥
Best Smoothie EVER
Never mind the crap shot; this is the best drink I’ve ever had. I have to thank Cari for introducing me to what she and her family calls “poo juice” (because, well…”it makes you poo”) and I knew when I saw the neon green “stuff” in her blender, I’d have to try it. Cari uses kale, zuccinis, pineapples, ginger and a generous amount of water. Sounded deelish enough, but I wanted to cram as many veggies and fruits (replacing the water with 100% fruit juice) as possible and so I modified her version, creating what is definitely the healthiest and most delicious drink I’ve ever had. Some interesting things happened after drinking it! I peed about a gallon immediately afterwards, and within the hour, I was knocked out cold- sleeping the sleep of a newborn baby. For the record, I take Ambien because I’m a diehard insomniac and nothing knocks me out. (Except Ambien.) I can’t help but think that one or more of these ingredients acted as a natural diuretic but also probably kicked up the serotonin and maybe even melatonin levels. I still can’t figure out why I slept so well! I’ve been watching a lot of food documentaries on Netflix and have discovered that drinking fruit juice (without the pulp or fiber) is right up there with drinking a soda, because there’s no bulk to inhibit the juice from passing right on through the system, causing an immediate spike in sugars, culminating in fat production. But- when you include the skins/fiber- it gives the body enough time to break down the ingredients, shipping them to proteins and other “shipping and packing” areas of the body- bypassing the “sugar/fat” route. It’s so important to include fiber when taking in juice and it makes all the difference in the world.
Anyway, for those of you who want to try it, here’s the recipe and it’s absolutely delicious:
3 celery stalks
2 zuccinis (skins included)
1 cup of fresh baby spinach
2 cups of fresh kale
1 whole bunch of cilantro (acts as natural preservative, antimicrobial, and metals/lead detox)
20 red, seedless grapes
2 kiwis
1 banana
juice of 1 fresh lemon
3/4 of a fresh pineapple
2- 3 cups of (100%) apple juice (or, until everything is covered)
Blend like mad.
The results are super fresh, “zingy”, and out-of-this world delicious. Thanks again, Cari, for your inpsiration. 🙂
Two Days to Go
I spoke with my adviser today who confirmed that I have 25 credit hours to go before I receive my B.S. in Psychology. I need 120 total, and I have over 100 already, but my problem is that I need 36 hours of upper level courses in my major. So, I’m buckling down and preparing to finish up my final year. I have two finals to go (which I’ll take on Saturday) and then I get to take the summer off. I always feel so haggard by this point, as if I’m clawing my way through the finish line- one bloody fistful after the next. We worked out my schedule for the fall; it looks like it’s going to be:
Personality Theory
Evolutionary Psychology
The Psychology of Learning
Statistics for Health Professionals
That’s a barrel of wild fun if I’ve ever seen one.
Time to veg out on some cooking shows with my culinary masterpiece: a baked pork chop with a can of cream of chicken dumped on top. Gourmet! Strangely, I get a sadistic thrill eating my lukewarm slop while watching those prissy chefs grate truffles over imported foie gras.
Today’s walk: Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4 (Clearly still obsessed with dandelions)
Black Seed Oil: Cures Everything but Death
There are 6 things I take, religiously, every day of my life:
Cayenne
Ginger
Lemon Juice
Milk Thistle
Evening Primrose Oil
and the mother of all oils: Black Seed Oil
Evening Primrose Oil is known to be an estrogenic oil which levels out estrogen levels and helps to maintain one’s overall mood. It’s also a great, natural source of GLA- gamma lenolenic acid- an essential oil that the body isn’t able to produce (or produce well) on its own, but it’s a key ingredient that our bodies need as well as acts as a powerful anti-inflammatory. Evening Primrose Oil (EPO) isn’t just for women though; it’s good for men too. It promotes shiny hair, strong nails and helps keep skin elastic and firm. Milk Thistle is my go to herbal detox cleanser. In fact, it’s the most powerful all natural liver cleanser in the world. I can’t express enough how good you’ll feel if you regularly take milk thistle. I take 500 MG per day, and when I’m feeling less than my bouncy, energetic self, I’ll take 1000 MG.
In laymen’s terms, milk thistle scrubs out the liver, ridding it of excess toxins. Imagine a Nerf football. Now imagine it being full of water. Imagine squeezing the (Nerf) football with all of your might. Afterwards, there’s still a good amount of water in it. Milk thistle sort of squeezes all of that excess stuff out. Not only does milk thistle detox the liver and the body of impurities and unhealthy toxins, it’s been known to actually reverse liver damage and help reverse what’s known as a “fatty liver”. I’ve been taking milk thistle off and on for 20 years and I can’t recommend it enough.
Cayenne and ginger are wonderful metabolism boosters. Ginger has natural antinauseant properties that settle the stomach and mitigate inflammation as well. it’s especially helpful if you suffer from IBS, or irritable bowel syndrome. Cayenne cleanses the blood and is also an immune system booster.
As much as I love all of my daily “go to’s”, I’ve never encountered anything that tops Black Seed Oil. Black Seed Oil has been around for centuries and boasts a long list of healing properties. I take 2 500 MG capsules per day. Black seed oil has been known to single-handedly stop pancreatic cancer in its tracks. This isn’t to say it “cures cancer”, but it’s been proven to mitigate the devastating effects of many types of cancers, even reversing the damage.
One of the most incredible benefits of black seed oil (AKA black cumin) is that it’s a top “superbug” killer. It’s so powerful that it rivals amoxicillin and other antibiotics. Most people have parasites. Pretty gross. They’re microbial and live in the intestines. Because they’re adaptive, they mutate and continually “outsmart” newly developed anti-microbial and anti-parasitic medications. However, in recent studies, out of 144 strains tested (most of which were resistant to a number of antibiotics), black seed oil alone inhibited 97 of the 144 strains. That’s pretty incredible! Aside from being a powerful anti-carcenogenic aid, it’s also one of the few things on the planet that help prevent type I & II diabetes. That’s huge! And, it also has anti-obesity properties, is the most powerful anti-fungal available, acts as a natural painkiller, increases blood to the lungs thereby helping you breathe better, helps prevent rheumatoid arthritis, is the most powerful immune-booster in the world, counterattacks dementia, and is regularly prescribed in the Middle East for opiate addiction. There’s just nothing this stuff doesn’t do. I’m 45 and people ask me all the time what my “secret” is. Now you know. 🙂
Take care of the skin you’re in: MAKEUP Good skin care starts on the inside!
I could go on all day about the benefits of this incredibly healthy and powerful oil, but do yourself a favour and read up on (cold pressed) Black Seed Oil yourself and then go on out and getcha some!
Reflections: For Gav
Here’s another one for you, Gav. Helios 44-2 (one of my favourite lenses ever- imported from Romania)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 60 x 40 (customizable) Canvas/gallery wrap available for purchase here.
This is why I said your Puddle Tree reminded me of my work. 🙂 (And it does, no?) I get so inspired by dreary days and rain, don’t you?
And on that note, I’m up with the chickens today and will be taking a photo walk down by the tracks behind my place. There’s a creek and some interesting foliage and such; I’ll see what I can grab down there. (Check back later!) As always, thanks for always being such an inspiration in the world of black and white and to all other monochromejunkies such as (yourself and) me. 😉
Kittez
Bob shows off his new earrings- Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4
A Very Special Thank You to a Very Special (Extended) Family
I’m far too excited to sleep. I’ve only got 2 weeks left in the semester! I’ve been up for hours researching Master’s programs and trying to decide if I want to move away when I begin working on my PhD. That’ll be a few years from now but I’ve actually been thinking of moving much sooner. My kids are all grown and everybody’s on their own, pretty much, but I can’t leave my mother, so I’m sticking around this ole town. At least for a year or two more. (But it’s in the cards.)
The major hurdles are over this semester and I’ve only got my term paper on OCD to tighten up and two finals remaining. That’s reason to celebrate. 🙂 The mood around the house is jovial and I’m feeling packed full of love!
For anyone who may be reading this who has chosen to follow my blog and has offered your support over the weeks, months, and years, both emotionally and artistically, I want to take this time to thank you. I started out writing this blog so that my kids could have a piece of me when I’m gone. And, so perfect strangers might read my story (BIO) and see my pics and be inspired. I’ve had a lot of hard knocks in this world, but they’ve only served me. I like to tell people that the more cuts you have in your stone, the greater your shine, and that’s so true.
What’s started out as a lone walk through bloggie land (more than three years ago) has turned into me claiming several hundred of you as family, and you certainly are. You’ve supported me, held me together (stapled, tied and glued!), encouraged me when I was downtrodden, and made me laugh when I thought it impossible. I love all of you. ♥ Oh! And thanks a whole heap extra for encouraging me to hang in there when I wanted to quit school (a million times)!
Thank you guys- friends and strangers alike. Here are some flowers for you. 🙂 MUCH LOVE. xo And Oloriel, if you’re reading this, the 2nd pic is especially for you. I thought of you when I was editing it- it totally reminds me of you. :0)
Taken two days ago- Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4 vintage film lens
(I’m totally in love with this rocking lens.)
One more thing. SAMI, if you’re reading this, I want you to know that I MISS YOU VERY MUCH. I hope things are well, and I hope you’re still toughing out that journalism major! I also hope “other situations” are better too. I miss our many chats. Lots of love to you. X
Bedhead
Image may be purchased HERE
Stretched Canvas/Gallery Wrap
Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4 film
So in love with black and white!
I’m so Damn Proud of My Kids
My son, Brian (AKA Bob Hedge) was walking along Eastern Blvd. today and encountered a woman who asked him for .89 cents for bus fare. He gave her $10. As he walked on, he saw a homeless man. He was compelled to give him $20, and so he did.
I couldn’t be more proud of my kids. 🙂 As a Mom, there’s nothing that could make me more proud than to know they’re giving $ to strangers on the streets. Being compassionate, loving, and thoughtful goes a long way in this world, and people who do these things are at the top of my list, always.
Rock on, guys! I love you. NAMASTE xo
Helios film lens 44-2/Canon Rebel- private retreat (bamboo forest in background)
Today I Fell in Love
Again!
This time, it was with the cherry blossoms outside of a church down the street from my Mom’s house:
I can’t explain what was happening when I was taking pics today. I felt high, literally. I’ve always been really drawn to these blossoms. When I’m underneath them and zooming in close and there are hundreds of them swirling all around my head in the breeze, it’s like a drug to me. The bokeh (blurry stuff in a pic) goes in and out of focus all around the blossoms when I see them through the lens- it’s a really heady experience.
And speaking of falling in love, I think it’s funny, that expression, “falling in love”. People generally mean with another person. But I was thinking today as I was driving, “Why do we have to fall in love with a person? Why can’t we fall in love with the sky? Or cherry blossoms?”
I’m betting just being around all of these blossoms (in the light drizzling rain) released loads of endorphins. I was smiling and felt like a kid again. So yeah. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with these blossoms today. 🙂
I also noticed when I was driving today that I don’t really think about Josh any more. Days go by and he won’t even cross my mind. I’m soooooo happy about that. It doesn’t hurt any more.
Yeah. I’ve been crazy happy lately. Not sure how long this is going to last, but it’s so good to be feeling ALIVE again.
Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4 film
Three Weeks to Go!
Technically, there are 3 weeks left in the semester, but I can knock it out in two I think. I get the whole summer off! My brain always feels so tired when I’m at the finish line. I have a term paper to tighten up and submit, three more quizzes and two finals- that’s it. I’ll take a week down, more or less-when it’s over-, and do absolutely nothing, and then I’ll dive into my art/photography, as I do every summer.
I’ve been spending all of my free time with Virgil, who’s completely stolen my heart!
My baby, Virgil- Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon (film lens) 35/2.4
Somebody needs a bath…
Bathed in Light: Jesus’ Love
It’s 3:30 a.m. and I’m watching The Dark Crystal and thinking about nabbing another bowl of Pistachio Almond Ice cream. Party for one. 🙂
I’m in a particularly jovial mood- a bit celebratory. For weeks, I’d been super depressed- lost in the post-breakup haze that always accompanies splitting up with the mate. I knew I would have my bad days here or there, but I didn’t anticipate that it would be so bad. My heart was just wrecked.
Two days ago, in the twilight hours of pre-dawn, I fell on the bedroom floor and just wailed. I hadn’t let myself cry after Josh left (except for once) and finally, the damn burst; I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I cried and cried and prayed and really just got all of the ick out. I read Isaiah 26 (out loud) and really felt the Lord there in the room with me. After I anointed myself and finished reading the Bible, the cloud passed over me; I could feel it lifting physically, not just in my spirit, and afterwards I felt so light. The chains fell off of me and it’s been that way since. The heartbreak and sorrow were just too heavy for me and I knew that I wouldn’t make any type of progress until I let it all out, and let it all go.
So I did. It’s funny…to the hungry, desperate soul, even bitterness is sweet, and I was just soooo desperate to feel Jesus’ love. My heart has been restocked with sweet love and I feel a warm glow swimming around inside.
I have one of these too. >>>>>>> 🙂
Oh…and these little guys don’t hurt either:
Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4 film lens/Canon Rebel
We have two new housemates! Our dog, Chance, is crazy about them: He gives them baths and is a great guard dog. Brianna named the male kitty Virgil (from Dante’s Inferno), and Brian named the female Do Re Mi Fa So La To Do, but we call her Doey for short.
They’re absolutely adorable and I’m madly in love with them.
(Time to hit the hay.)
Good night morning, world.
“With my soul have I desired thee in the night; yea, with my spirit within me will I seek thee early.” -Isaiah 26: 9
Early Morning Sunshine
The smile. (Sort of.) Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon film lens-35/2.4- selfie
I have no flaming idea how I’ve adopted (an all-natural) trout pout, but by George, there it is.
White Noise: The Blistering Silence
And lots and lots of rain. Taken today through my window: Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon (film) 35/2.4
On Ambien
…I love that moment when I’m sitting here (unlike a psycho stalker) reading up on the comments in strangers’ Twitter feeds, and suddenly- there’s a slow Vaseline haze that creeps up over my screen and my brain and everything else, and it’s like…”Oh hello, Ambien…”
…and then I float over to my bed and fall into a pile of magic silk..and simply…float away.
(Based on a true story. Right Now.)
Chasing Rabbits (and Big Dreams)
I read an article the other day in which a woman said, “A person who chases two rabbits at the same time catches neither in the end.” Thanks Taylor Swift.
It’s 4:10 a.m. and I’m just getting out of the shower. My head is throbbing again; I’m trying to stave off another migraine. I haven’t had a head-smasher in about 6 weeks- that’s a record for me! I ate en entire bag of Swedish Fish though and it’s trying to bite me in the ass: sugar is the enemy! (And I’m slightly addicted to Swedish Fish.)
I’m fresh out of Ambien; hence my insomnia. I was too lazy to go to the doctor, so…here I sit, editing pics and contemplating my future in the early wee morning hours! And on that note, I’m pretty sure I’m only 15 credit hours away from receiving my Bachelor’s in psychology. I have almost 100 credit hours so far; I’m pretty stoked about that. 🙂
I’ve decided that I’m going to try and get into Indiana University Southeast’s Master’s-to-PhD Clinical Psychology program in another year or so. Once I get my foot in the door- it’s a given- I’ll be in. So, it’s crucial that I keep my grades up because the competition in grad. schools is fierce! I’m going to have to really up my game when that time comes. Staying on the Dean’s List is very important. I raise the bar super high for myself so that if I don’t meet my standards and end up falling short, I’ll still succeed. And, I’m thinking about getting a dual Master’s degree- one in Clinical psychology and one in Social Work (M.S.W.); I’m going to need all of the extra tools in my bag that I can get. I’m betting that if I get a master’s degree in social work and a master’s in clinical psychology (minoring in forensic psych.) as well as my PhD in Clinical- I’ll be set. So, that’s what I’m aiming for. It’s ambitious as hell, but I’m an ambitious kinda gal.
In other news, I’m shocked (but not really) that Doggy Daddy hasn’t even requested to see his dog (or spend time with him) – not even once. 😦 It’s heart breaking. Who could walk away from a baby this cute?!
I really shouldn’t be surprised. Same thing, different year. On the other side of the coin though, it’s given Chance and I time to bond even more. I’ve had to fill in the gap and really make sure that he (my dog) isn’t suffering in Doggy Daddy’s absence. And, he’s not. But don’t let me get started on THAT.
Life has been super quiet lately. I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed the peace and quiet and the restoration of sanity in general. It hasn’t been easy! My heart is still raw and I’m still confused and bewildered that Josh and I aren’t even friends any more- we don’t speak. At all. It’s…very weird. But I suppose that’s how it has to be. I’m alright with it. As much as I want to divulge all sorts of juicy tidbits here, I’ll refrain. I don’t owe that man one more thing, but I do owe him the decency of not railing on him if he’s not here to defend himself. I’ll give him that.
Sometimes, it’s a struggle to find my peace and smile throughout the day. I wrestle to do that in the wake of such a hideous breakup. (Then again, it’s only been a little over a month since parting ways.) But I know that I’m capable of great love and great compassion. If I were to lose those two components within me, I’d be nothing. So those are the things that I strive to hold onto more than anything: my love and compassion for my fellow human being. Generally, that’s not hard for me to do, love. But breaking up with the love of your life has a way of destroying innocent things and feelings; it pollutes beauty, and in the end, can leave a thick, evil feeling in your heart. It can be a real battle just to breathe sweet air again- but thank God those feelings don’t last. For some people, they actually become those feelings, until they’re hateful rotten shells of their former selves.
But I know me, and I know my heart. I’ll come out of this a winner. Stronger in love for it. 🙂
I’m not quite there yet! But I will be. And I can still smile and feel like a child inside. That’s a precious thing to me. Life is still sweet. ♥
Spring break is officially over and I have to get started soon on my 7 page term paper/literature review on OCD.
Short term goal: finishing my term paper
Long term goal: becoming a doctor/psychologist
One day at a time.
Making the Grades
So my midterm results are in:
Behavioral Neuroscience exam: 233/250
Cognitive Psychology exam: 142/160
Overall results: two strong A’s in both classes.
Go me! Go me! And today is the first day of spring break. I’m alright with that.
Carl Zeiss Jena Flektogon 35/2.4/ film lens Ohio River Construction- down by the riverside
m o n o c h r o m e j u n k i e † 